I took my nephew to an OHL hockey game on Saturday with J. We all had a lot of fun, and I looked after him for a few days because my sister was in the hospital for a while. I didn't mind at all and this post is not a complaint. I just wanted to talk about personalities and children and funny dramas that happen with young boys.
For reference, J refers to Jimmy and Jay refers to my nephew. They are a year apart and they definitely bring out the best and the worst in each other. They take turns to instigate problems, and then they take turns apologizing. It's quite funny to watch really, but they need a lot of intervention some days.
J being sick didn't help the matter. When J gets sick, his first symptom is being disagreeable. I think they call it "irritability" at the pharmacy, but in J it translates to arguing, testing limits, attitude, and a complete lack of impulse control. It wasn't fun for him or his cousin.
It got to the point that one would ask for something, the other would want that same thing, then the first would not want it anymore, and the second would not want it because the first wouldn't want it. Example, J: "I want a bath first." Jay: " I want a bath second." J: " I don't want a bath first." Jay: "Auntie Kristy, he's bothering me." J: "He bothered me first." Jay: "He did." J: "No, he did! Mommy...." I'm sure you get the idea.
They had many impressive moments too though. They solved some problems together and apologized and hugged spontaneously after several of the disagreements. Then they would get along, share, and be considerate for hours at a time. This has been the pattern since they were babies. They set each other off and can't get enough of each other. When Jay went home, J was upset and went to bed at 6 because there was no one left to play or argue with. His words, not mine.
I think many parents assume that if kids are a similar age and are introduced young enough, they will naturally become friends. My sister and I thought that J and Jay would be best friends. I've learned that it depends on the child. J is relatively easygoing, and likes to play with and help other children, but his personality is so strong that he only really gets along with laid back and quieter children. He has plenty of friends who aren't this way, but it's more of a challenge for him to keep peace with them. Surprisingly, these are the ones he prefers to invite over all the time.
Children surprise us all the time, and I can't believe I wasn't prepared for the personality clashes between young ones. This isn't a new thing for J; he's demonstrated this since he first started walking, maybe before. I only noticed because if he didn't like another child, he would walk away. I think as parents we have all made an assumption or two that's turned out to be wrong or silly in hindsight. That was one of mine.
J is doing just fine though. He chooses his own friends and, whether or not he argues with them, they are usually long-term, repetitive play date friends. It's good for him to be challenged, and I'm proud that he's so accepting of others.Even if it is a little more work for me. Being a referee just comes with the job I guess.
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