Another post in the spirit of Christmas. I have most of the gift shopping done, but there are a few more things to pick up. I also had to buy some small items for starting my daycare, so off I went to Walmart, armed with a list of specific, yet relatively easy things (or so I thought). On the list: caps for wall sockets, an anchor for a book shelf, puppy mittens, a Santa hat (for J's Christmas concert) and possibly a TV mount.
Here's how I did.
I walked around in seventy circles before I found the socket caps. Thirty minutes. I asked four (yes, FOUR) employees for help with the book shelf anchor, and not one knew what it was. I finally pulled something off the shelf that looked somewhat relevant to my needs, and all four employees said, yes, that was it. It's not. It's an artificial stud for drywall. Well, in my defense, at least it goes into a wall. The TV mounts were all over $100, which may be inflated because it's Christmas. But really, who puts that on their wish list? The puppy mittens were also a no-go, but there was an overabundance of Hello Kitty wear, obviously. As for the Santa hat, I saved that for last, thinking that it would at least be there and that would cheer me up. But lo and behold, I get to the proper department and the only hats left are in pink. J's a boy.
So I got angry. It's supposed to be a holly jolly time of year (according to my husband, at least), and I was not holly-jolly. I went to the table asking for donations. At least I could do something productive while I was there. I picked a card and bought a present for a boy without a family for Christmas. There was all his basic information and some suggestions of what he might like. One was hockey stuff. So I went to the hockey stuff and immediately found a very nice fleece blanket with all the Canadian NHL teams on it. That was something. It made me feel a bit better, although no less grouchy.
Then I went to another store for a Santa hat and guess what? The only ones they had were for dogs! So I gave up.
Wednesday 18 December 2013
Monday 9 December 2013
Cheerleaders
This isn't a very thematic post for the time of year, but I think it makes sense. I mean that we as parents need to be cheerleaders for our children. I think it's a good time of year for it though because in December we all are so busy, getting ready for the holidays, visiting, shopping, and whatever else your Christmas (or Hannukah) requires. This is the perfect time to slow down and appreciate what we have at home, mainly, our children.
I know that no one else can push a mother's buttons like their kids. Somehow our children know how to drive us crazy in a matter of seconds. They can be the source of horrible thoughts, bad words and grey hair (ask my own mom about that one). But they are also the best things we have ever had and will ever have. Instead of thinking of what else they did wrong today, think of something they did right. Even if it was for someone else. For example, when I drop J off somewhere I always remind him about twenty times to listen. There's something about me that makes his ears run away, I guess, because he acts deaf when he's at home. But I always receive glowing reports of how good he is and how well he listens when he's with another grown up. Go figure.
But I appreciate that. I even thank him for it. I don't say, "Thank you for listening to some other mom and not me," but I do say thank you. It makes me happy that even when he's got his selective hearing ears on, he still ingests this lesson that I'm trying to send.
There are so many other things that make me happy about my kids. In short, J's love of life, his need to make others happy and his sincere, inclusive nature. E is just as wonderful, with his funny games, his agreeable (yet opinionated) nature, and his love of learning. There's so much more, but this post isn't about bragging about my own children. It's about your children.
Think on what they do that makes you and the rest of the world smile. Then give them a hug and tell them that you love that specific thing about them. If you are really ambitious, make a list or a scrapbook page. Or write a song. It doesn't matter if only you see it, but it would be really cool to show your kids too. The point is, they need to know you appreciate them. They already know you love them, so tell them exactly why. Be their biggest cheerleader and everyone will feel a little happier. And they will probably become more confident too.
There's another good thing about this too. If you consciously appreciate your children every single day, it will make it a little easier when they do drive you nuts. Yes, you feel like screaming obscenities at the moment but hey, this kid can make awesome cookies! Become a cheerleader. Tight tops and short skirts optional (I definitely opt out).
I know that no one else can push a mother's buttons like their kids. Somehow our children know how to drive us crazy in a matter of seconds. They can be the source of horrible thoughts, bad words and grey hair (ask my own mom about that one). But they are also the best things we have ever had and will ever have. Instead of thinking of what else they did wrong today, think of something they did right. Even if it was for someone else. For example, when I drop J off somewhere I always remind him about twenty times to listen. There's something about me that makes his ears run away, I guess, because he acts deaf when he's at home. But I always receive glowing reports of how good he is and how well he listens when he's with another grown up. Go figure.
But I appreciate that. I even thank him for it. I don't say, "Thank you for listening to some other mom and not me," but I do say thank you. It makes me happy that even when he's got his selective hearing ears on, he still ingests this lesson that I'm trying to send.
There are so many other things that make me happy about my kids. In short, J's love of life, his need to make others happy and his sincere, inclusive nature. E is just as wonderful, with his funny games, his agreeable (yet opinionated) nature, and his love of learning. There's so much more, but this post isn't about bragging about my own children. It's about your children.
Think on what they do that makes you and the rest of the world smile. Then give them a hug and tell them that you love that specific thing about them. If you are really ambitious, make a list or a scrapbook page. Or write a song. It doesn't matter if only you see it, but it would be really cool to show your kids too. The point is, they need to know you appreciate them. They already know you love them, so tell them exactly why. Be their biggest cheerleader and everyone will feel a little happier. And they will probably become more confident too.
There's another good thing about this too. If you consciously appreciate your children every single day, it will make it a little easier when they do drive you nuts. Yes, you feel like screaming obscenities at the moment but hey, this kid can make awesome cookies! Become a cheerleader. Tight tops and short skirts optional (I definitely opt out).
Monday 2 December 2013
Here it comes....
I can't believe it's already December! This past month has gone by so fast I don't even remember it. Since it's almost the season, I thought I would dedicate this post to getting ready for Christmas, for those who like to get a start on it early in December, like me.
Shopping:
I will start with the absolute worst part of Christmas first. I know not everyone agrees with me, but I hate shopping. The only part I like about shopping is being done. And by that I mean being home with everything unpacked and put away. Shopping is worse at Christmas, obviously, so here are some tips to keep your sanity.
1. Coffee. Drink it. If you don't drink it, then start. Begin early in the day and keep going until after noon, and then guzzle water after that. Trust me. It helps with alertness, energy and patience. A lot with patience.
2. Pick a day. Try to find care for your children and get all your shopping done in that day. 12 hours in one day is painful, I know, but it's far better than spreading it out over many days. If you do that, it suddenly turns into 40 hours.
3. Make a budget. Do a rough estimate of how many people you have to buy for and what you'll spend on each. Mine includes presents for family, tins and baking ingredients for friends and neighbours, decorations and a tree, etc. Don't forget to budget for wrapping paper, gift bags, labels and tape.
3. Make a list. Correction. Lists. First make a list of all the lists you need to make, such as People To Buy For, Budget For Each Person, Cards To Send, Addresses To Send To, etc. Then get down to each individual list. When you are finished, make another list by order of priority. Then double and triple check it. I always carry a pen with me when I'm shopping so I can check off what's done, or keep a tally of what I've spent so far. It sounds like a lot of work, but it means you won't miss anything and you can't really overspend without knowing it.
4. Try to go shopping at a time when people won't be out in crazy herds. Like in August.
5. Put on a brave face. This is cliche for a reason. It' works. If you keep your chin up and remember people are usually rude at this time of year, you will be better off for it. Just keep going for as long as you can, and if you need to stop, then stop. Hopefully you aren't doing this all on Christmas Eve, because I don't know what advice to give you if you are.
Decorating:
This is the fun part of Christmas, assuming you can get to your decorations, which for me is debatable. After climbing over 12 months worth of storage I managed to find most of our stuff, but it's worth it. If you have kids (and who would read a mom blog if they didn't?), give them each a bag and tell them to go wild. Okay, that was a joke. That wouldn't work in our house. I told J to be careful and we ended up with all our drawers and closets garlanded shut. It did look pretty though.
Brainstorm with your kids as you take stuff out of the bags. What goes on the tree, what can go on the walls, what needs to be displayed and what can go in the kids bedrooms? Then go to it. A helpful hint: don't give anyone the Scotch tape. I keep it attached to my belt loop with a Carboner, just in case. Hey, the price of tape goes way up in December.
Baking:
This is another fun part of Christmas. At least I think so. For those who aren't the baker types, you can skip this part. First, I make a list of all the people I am going to send something to and then I make a list of easy but delicious and aesthetically appealing recipes to try. I keep it to three or four, maximum. When the kids are in bed, I have a baking marathon. I usually save this until the week before Christmas so I can give them out right away.
Two notes: Those braver than I can enlist the help of their children with the baking. And if you want to give out homemade gifts but are the type to burn water, look up some easy gifts in a jar. You can make homemade hot chocolate or a basic, dry cookie recipe and give those out, with little notes telling what to add to finish the recipe. That way you will appear crafty and domestic, while not actually putting anything in the oven.
Charity:
I saved the most important for last. No matter how much our kids love presents, I am a firm believer that Christmas is more about being nice to one another, donating what we can afford and giving our time when we can manage it. It's essential to show our children how to care about other people, including strangers, and make them aware that not everyone is so lucky. It's also a great way to teach them about not judging people for what social position they're in, and give our kids a sense of purpose and pride ebcause they made someone's day better.
There are several ways to help out at this, and any other, time of year. Make a list of good ones and let each family member pick a cause to help out. Or choose one as a family. If you don't have much money, figure out where you can give your time. There are also several places that accept donations of used toys and clothing. Local community centres usually have a used toy and clothing drive at this time of year, and most malls have the Toy Drive for new toy donations. There are also several churches that take money and food donations to help with their Christmas dinners. You can also sponsor a whole family for Christmas, or if you are feeling more exotic, choose an international charity. Volunteer with your kids anywhere, at a soup kitchen sorting food and clothes or an animal shelter. Hey, our furry friends need holiday cheer too. Or you can give your child a handful of coins for that Salvation Army guy with the bell that seems to be everywhere.
While we are in the mood to give, don't forget about poor Santa at the mall. Yes, he loves his job but it must be a pretty long December, witting around for days on end. He might appreciate a coffee or gift card that he can use when he's on his way back to the North Pole....
Shopping:
I will start with the absolute worst part of Christmas first. I know not everyone agrees with me, but I hate shopping. The only part I like about shopping is being done. And by that I mean being home with everything unpacked and put away. Shopping is worse at Christmas, obviously, so here are some tips to keep your sanity.
1. Coffee. Drink it. If you don't drink it, then start. Begin early in the day and keep going until after noon, and then guzzle water after that. Trust me. It helps with alertness, energy and patience. A lot with patience.
2. Pick a day. Try to find care for your children and get all your shopping done in that day. 12 hours in one day is painful, I know, but it's far better than spreading it out over many days. If you do that, it suddenly turns into 40 hours.
3. Make a budget. Do a rough estimate of how many people you have to buy for and what you'll spend on each. Mine includes presents for family, tins and baking ingredients for friends and neighbours, decorations and a tree, etc. Don't forget to budget for wrapping paper, gift bags, labels and tape.
3. Make a list. Correction. Lists. First make a list of all the lists you need to make, such as People To Buy For, Budget For Each Person, Cards To Send, Addresses To Send To, etc. Then get down to each individual list. When you are finished, make another list by order of priority. Then double and triple check it. I always carry a pen with me when I'm shopping so I can check off what's done, or keep a tally of what I've spent so far. It sounds like a lot of work, but it means you won't miss anything and you can't really overspend without knowing it.
4. Try to go shopping at a time when people won't be out in crazy herds. Like in August.
5. Put on a brave face. This is cliche for a reason. It' works. If you keep your chin up and remember people are usually rude at this time of year, you will be better off for it. Just keep going for as long as you can, and if you need to stop, then stop. Hopefully you aren't doing this all on Christmas Eve, because I don't know what advice to give you if you are.
Decorating:
This is the fun part of Christmas, assuming you can get to your decorations, which for me is debatable. After climbing over 12 months worth of storage I managed to find most of our stuff, but it's worth it. If you have kids (and who would read a mom blog if they didn't?), give them each a bag and tell them to go wild. Okay, that was a joke. That wouldn't work in our house. I told J to be careful and we ended up with all our drawers and closets garlanded shut. It did look pretty though.
Brainstorm with your kids as you take stuff out of the bags. What goes on the tree, what can go on the walls, what needs to be displayed and what can go in the kids bedrooms? Then go to it. A helpful hint: don't give anyone the Scotch tape. I keep it attached to my belt loop with a Carboner, just in case. Hey, the price of tape goes way up in December.
Baking:
This is another fun part of Christmas. At least I think so. For those who aren't the baker types, you can skip this part. First, I make a list of all the people I am going to send something to and then I make a list of easy but delicious and aesthetically appealing recipes to try. I keep it to three or four, maximum. When the kids are in bed, I have a baking marathon. I usually save this until the week before Christmas so I can give them out right away.
Two notes: Those braver than I can enlist the help of their children with the baking. And if you want to give out homemade gifts but are the type to burn water, look up some easy gifts in a jar. You can make homemade hot chocolate or a basic, dry cookie recipe and give those out, with little notes telling what to add to finish the recipe. That way you will appear crafty and domestic, while not actually putting anything in the oven.
Charity:
I saved the most important for last. No matter how much our kids love presents, I am a firm believer that Christmas is more about being nice to one another, donating what we can afford and giving our time when we can manage it. It's essential to show our children how to care about other people, including strangers, and make them aware that not everyone is so lucky. It's also a great way to teach them about not judging people for what social position they're in, and give our kids a sense of purpose and pride ebcause they made someone's day better.
There are several ways to help out at this, and any other, time of year. Make a list of good ones and let each family member pick a cause to help out. Or choose one as a family. If you don't have much money, figure out where you can give your time. There are also several places that accept donations of used toys and clothing. Local community centres usually have a used toy and clothing drive at this time of year, and most malls have the Toy Drive for new toy donations. There are also several churches that take money and food donations to help with their Christmas dinners. You can also sponsor a whole family for Christmas, or if you are feeling more exotic, choose an international charity. Volunteer with your kids anywhere, at a soup kitchen sorting food and clothes or an animal shelter. Hey, our furry friends need holiday cheer too. Or you can give your child a handful of coins for that Salvation Army guy with the bell that seems to be everywhere.
While we are in the mood to give, don't forget about poor Santa at the mall. Yes, he loves his job but it must be a pretty long December, witting around for days on end. He might appreciate a coffee or gift card that he can use when he's on his way back to the North Pole....
Tuesday 19 November 2013
A minute please, pretty please!
Well with Halloween over I thought there might be time to relax for at least a morning before I was on to the next thing. I should have known better. It seems Christmas is already upon us, and with that and planning on starting a daycare in the new year, I have had an appointment or meeting or interview or shopping to do or something else every day. This is by far the fullest month on my humongous fridge calendar this year. There is one day that's blank, but give it some time and that one will be filled too. There's still a week and a half of this month to come up with something I'm sure.
With all that's going on, I've found it hard to maintain a daily routine. I like routines, probably more than the next guy (or mom), but this time of year is busy for everyone. I also have the added responsibility of volunteering in J's class every other week, baking muffins about once a month for the school Breakfast for Learning program, baking enough snacks and desserts to feed my hungry hungry hippos, er kids, and cooking dinner every night. And we can't forget J's soccer and swimming two nights a week, my husband's weekly appointments, E's gymnastics once per week, the weekly resource centre play group the E loves to go to and drop in gym where he gets to drive a little car around for 90 minutes. Oh yeah, and getting the house up to code for a home daycare.
I have also managed (with help from my family) to get Christmas presents bought for my nieces and nephew on my side of the family, and organize a weekend that my mom can take the boys so P and I can get their shopping done. Speaking of shopping, I think all of J's many friends were born in either November or December, because in the next three weeks he has four parties to attend, and I haven't even thought about buying birthday presents for those yet.
Something else that's on my to-do list before Christmas is getting my First Aid and CPR certification again. And we all need flu shots. I also have to prepare for all my Christmas baking, because I will have about ten families to provide with baked goods. This is not a complaint; I do this as a Christmas gift because it's more personal than buying a present (and also cheaper).
Needless to say, I haven't been to the gym in over a week. This is okay for several reasons. One, I was going regularly for over two months and working out hard (as in running a mile or more, at least three times a week) and didn't lose any weight. Of course I know I've got to keep trying, but enough's enough for now. It's not like I'm going backwards if I stop for a bit. Another reason this is okay is that come January, I'm going to have to find a new routine for going to the gym. With several more children in the house during the day, I won't be able to go in the mornings like I did. The last reason is that I don't have much time to eat, so I don't need to burn the calories as much. Yes, I know these are all excuses, and not very good ones at that, but I have to tell myself something, right?
Anyway, through all this craziness and running out of time I forgot to mention that I've been having a lot of fun. I am a person who needs to be busy. If I have nothing to do I will stand somewhere, slightly resembling a cactus out of the desert (in other words, lost), and go to bed because I'm bored. And that's definitely not productive. Or fun.
For those who don't believe me, let me tell you about our weekend. Saturday was Free Movie Day, or Community Day, when we could go see a movie for free in the local theatre and buy cheap popcorn. I went with J and we invited one of his friends. That covered our morning and then he had a play date in the afternoon. Then we bought groceries and did the dinner and hygiene and bedtime thing, and I made muffins for the family. And cookies. Sunday J had a play date with one of his friends and another friend called and asked to come over at the same time, so we had a mini party. Then we had to go out to do some Christmas shopping and get the kids home for a rushed dinner and early bedtime. Then I made more cookies. Two days went by in a whirlwind, but it was fun. I did a lot with E too, like playing outside, playing games here, dancing and building obstacle courses in the living room.
The two days of this week have been filled with 100 mini muffins for J's school, a doctor's appointment, two phone interviews with the school and two local play groups for E. If this keeps up I won't even remember the month leading up to Christmas this year, which might be a good thing considering how stressed out most people get. So while I ask for a minute, a quiet one without other people or anything to do, I don't think I would appreciate it or acknowledge it if I got it. This is my life, and I quite like it. Even if I forget a few things along the way.
With all that's going on, I've found it hard to maintain a daily routine. I like routines, probably more than the next guy (or mom), but this time of year is busy for everyone. I also have the added responsibility of volunteering in J's class every other week, baking muffins about once a month for the school Breakfast for Learning program, baking enough snacks and desserts to feed my hungry hungry hippos, er kids, and cooking dinner every night. And we can't forget J's soccer and swimming two nights a week, my husband's weekly appointments, E's gymnastics once per week, the weekly resource centre play group the E loves to go to and drop in gym where he gets to drive a little car around for 90 minutes. Oh yeah, and getting the house up to code for a home daycare.
I have also managed (with help from my family) to get Christmas presents bought for my nieces and nephew on my side of the family, and organize a weekend that my mom can take the boys so P and I can get their shopping done. Speaking of shopping, I think all of J's many friends were born in either November or December, because in the next three weeks he has four parties to attend, and I haven't even thought about buying birthday presents for those yet.
Something else that's on my to-do list before Christmas is getting my First Aid and CPR certification again. And we all need flu shots. I also have to prepare for all my Christmas baking, because I will have about ten families to provide with baked goods. This is not a complaint; I do this as a Christmas gift because it's more personal than buying a present (and also cheaper).
Needless to say, I haven't been to the gym in over a week. This is okay for several reasons. One, I was going regularly for over two months and working out hard (as in running a mile or more, at least three times a week) and didn't lose any weight. Of course I know I've got to keep trying, but enough's enough for now. It's not like I'm going backwards if I stop for a bit. Another reason this is okay is that come January, I'm going to have to find a new routine for going to the gym. With several more children in the house during the day, I won't be able to go in the mornings like I did. The last reason is that I don't have much time to eat, so I don't need to burn the calories as much. Yes, I know these are all excuses, and not very good ones at that, but I have to tell myself something, right?
Anyway, through all this craziness and running out of time I forgot to mention that I've been having a lot of fun. I am a person who needs to be busy. If I have nothing to do I will stand somewhere, slightly resembling a cactus out of the desert (in other words, lost), and go to bed because I'm bored. And that's definitely not productive. Or fun.
For those who don't believe me, let me tell you about our weekend. Saturday was Free Movie Day, or Community Day, when we could go see a movie for free in the local theatre and buy cheap popcorn. I went with J and we invited one of his friends. That covered our morning and then he had a play date in the afternoon. Then we bought groceries and did the dinner and hygiene and bedtime thing, and I made muffins for the family. And cookies. Sunday J had a play date with one of his friends and another friend called and asked to come over at the same time, so we had a mini party. Then we had to go out to do some Christmas shopping and get the kids home for a rushed dinner and early bedtime. Then I made more cookies. Two days went by in a whirlwind, but it was fun. I did a lot with E too, like playing outside, playing games here, dancing and building obstacle courses in the living room.
The two days of this week have been filled with 100 mini muffins for J's school, a doctor's appointment, two phone interviews with the school and two local play groups for E. If this keeps up I won't even remember the month leading up to Christmas this year, which might be a good thing considering how stressed out most people get. So while I ask for a minute, a quiet one without other people or anything to do, I don't think I would appreciate it or acknowledge it if I got it. This is my life, and I quite like it. Even if I forget a few things along the way.
Friday 8 November 2013
A new job!
This isn't technically a "job" to most people, but I'm very excited. I've signed up to be a home daycare through a local agency, and I will be starting in January. I will be fully licensed, insured and have four more rugrats in my house. Oh boy.
I know it's going to be an adjustment, but I think it will be a positive one. It allows me to stay home with E until he starts school and still earn a decent amount of money. I had reservations about a home daycare, because several people have suggested I do it before. My feeling was that I couldn't spend very much quality time with E if I had a bunch of other kids to run around after. But I changed my mind, or perhaps the timing is better now because he's older. Now my opinion is that he will benefit from the interaction, structure and increased activity level.
I wanted to stay home and devote all of my time on E for two more years at least, but this didn't turn out as well as I thought it would. First, I rely on the bus throughout the week, and for those who know Peterborough, the buses are anything but convenient. Suffice it to say that a 2 hour outing in any other city turns into a four hour outing here. That's a lot of wasted time and energy for very little benefit. We were in the habit of going out for five hours every morning, and only about an hour of that was time spent together. I felt bad because it wasn't easier to interact, but then when we stayed home he got bored and wouldn't sleep well. It was a no-win.
So with all these other children invading our space, I can organize activities and playtime with minimal (ie. zero) travel time. Hey, anyone who thinks I'm taking five children under four years old on the bus is crazy! I still get to spend time with E while allowing him socialization and stimulation, and I get to save money on bus passes too!
There are some added benefits. One being that I can follow a structured routine every day that includes exercise, playtime and learning. Come on, that's just fun! Oh, I'm good at that kind of thing too. I will receive a whole bunch of training for free as well, and maybe when I want to rejoin the work force outside of my home, it will open up some new opportunities for me.
There are some things I'm not looking forward to though. The most obvious is nap time. There will be a gaggle of kids downstairs on sleeping mats for 1-2 hours, but I don't envision them sleeping. I think I may purchase a video monitor, and maybe an intercom system so they know I am watching.....
The other thing I'm not looking forward to is outdoor time. Don't get me wrong, I love taking kids outside to play, but our local park has been closed for two years and will remain closed at least until next summer, maybe longer. Our backyard is large, but I don't have a play structure or swing set. I will be stocking up on outdoor toys, clearance or used of course, and then I may feel better, but for now I see me and a group of children standing in the backyard looking at each other. There's only so long a ball can remain interesting.
These things aside, I am still quite excited. I gave them January as my starting date because there are several legal things to do, like First Aid training, Police Check and making the house safe. That will take up most of November and then it will be December which is Christmas and is crazy. Besides, there's a certain sense of poetry (is that the word I want?) in starting something so big in the New Year. It may be small potatoes to other people, but for me and my family, it will be a significant change. There is one other thing I forgot to add about the timeline. I have less than two months to teach E to sleep until at least 6 am.......I`m not optimistic.
I know it's going to be an adjustment, but I think it will be a positive one. It allows me to stay home with E until he starts school and still earn a decent amount of money. I had reservations about a home daycare, because several people have suggested I do it before. My feeling was that I couldn't spend very much quality time with E if I had a bunch of other kids to run around after. But I changed my mind, or perhaps the timing is better now because he's older. Now my opinion is that he will benefit from the interaction, structure and increased activity level.
I wanted to stay home and devote all of my time on E for two more years at least, but this didn't turn out as well as I thought it would. First, I rely on the bus throughout the week, and for those who know Peterborough, the buses are anything but convenient. Suffice it to say that a 2 hour outing in any other city turns into a four hour outing here. That's a lot of wasted time and energy for very little benefit. We were in the habit of going out for five hours every morning, and only about an hour of that was time spent together. I felt bad because it wasn't easier to interact, but then when we stayed home he got bored and wouldn't sleep well. It was a no-win.
So with all these other children invading our space, I can organize activities and playtime with minimal (ie. zero) travel time. Hey, anyone who thinks I'm taking five children under four years old on the bus is crazy! I still get to spend time with E while allowing him socialization and stimulation, and I get to save money on bus passes too!
There are some added benefits. One being that I can follow a structured routine every day that includes exercise, playtime and learning. Come on, that's just fun! Oh, I'm good at that kind of thing too. I will receive a whole bunch of training for free as well, and maybe when I want to rejoin the work force outside of my home, it will open up some new opportunities for me.
There are some things I'm not looking forward to though. The most obvious is nap time. There will be a gaggle of kids downstairs on sleeping mats for 1-2 hours, but I don't envision them sleeping. I think I may purchase a video monitor, and maybe an intercom system so they know I am watching.....
The other thing I'm not looking forward to is outdoor time. Don't get me wrong, I love taking kids outside to play, but our local park has been closed for two years and will remain closed at least until next summer, maybe longer. Our backyard is large, but I don't have a play structure or swing set. I will be stocking up on outdoor toys, clearance or used of course, and then I may feel better, but for now I see me and a group of children standing in the backyard looking at each other. There's only so long a ball can remain interesting.
These things aside, I am still quite excited. I gave them January as my starting date because there are several legal things to do, like First Aid training, Police Check and making the house safe. That will take up most of November and then it will be December which is Christmas and is crazy. Besides, there's a certain sense of poetry (is that the word I want?) in starting something so big in the New Year. It may be small potatoes to other people, but for me and my family, it will be a significant change. There is one other thing I forgot to add about the timeline. I have less than two months to teach E to sleep until at least 6 am.......I`m not optimistic.
Wednesday 30 October 2013
Happy Halloween!
It's Halloween tomorrow. I don't know about the rest of you, but Halloween is a pretty big deal in our house. This post is about preparing for Halloween, being safe while trick or treating and dealing with meltdowns about all that junk food that will enter your household tomorrow night.
Preparation:
First comes the costume. It's difficult for a child to be excited about Halloween if they don't know what they're going to dress up as. Personally, I was a bit unconventional when it came to dressing up. I didn't want the typical costumes, like a witch or TV character. Where's the fun in that? My litany of Halloween costumes included a pilot (complete with a plane attached to me), a car, and finally a table. Yes, I went as a table one year. I was lucky that my mom was very creative and handy with sewing.
My boys aren't so lucky. I am creative, but I have no skill at sewing or putting things together to look like something real. So far though, J has picked some pretty easy costumes for me to figure out. This year he is going as a Pokemon trainer, which requires a white shirt, blue vest, blue and white hat with a logo (I can figure that one out) and a green backpack. E is young enough that he can get away with a commercial costume and still look cute, so he will be a monkey.
Whether you made a costume, bought a costume, or bought and revised a costume for your kids, once that part is over you can move on to some other preparation. J is not a crafty sort (he must take after me), unless it comes to holidays. He loves themed crafts for the holidays, and he is constantly checking the calendar to see what's coming up next that we can glue something together for. I had to gently let him down about Columbus Day, before he got too excited. Please, if you know of any Columbus Day crafts, do pass them on.
Halloween crafts are much easier. Here's one of our personal favourites. Garbage bag ghosts. We stuff white kitchen garbage bags with balled up grocery bags, and tie a string around the neck. Then we either tie or duct tape them all around our front porch. Drawing a face on them with Sharpie is optional. They are quick, easy, and look great for Halloween. Another quick and easy one is to blow up some orange balloons and Sharpie Jack 'o Lantern faces on them. They can be hung outside or in a window. We purchased a dowel and made some construction paper chains to hang off of it. Fold the construction paper accordion-style and cut out shapes, leaving the edges intact. Use orange for pumpkins, white for ghosts, black for witchy hats and green for whatever you like. Then staple them together so they are longer and tie them to the dowel. Hang the dowel where people can see it from a window and voila! All the crafts above are quick enough that children can complete them without becoming too distracted, economical and easy to store for next year, and they don't look tacky.
Safety:
Now let's move on to Halloween night. Everyone knows it's important to be safe, so I won't dwell on that, but I will provide some easy ways to enhance safety. If you live in a neighbourhood like mine, it's quite possible that sometimes there will be about fifty kids at the same house. That makes it pretty hard to keep track of your own, especially if they are wearing a popular costume. I also have two other children to consider, because some of J's friends want to join us trick or treating. I will be putting a big X on the back of each of my charges with orange duct tape, so they can't get caught up in the crowds. I'll have a flashlight, just in case, but the street lights are probably enough to see the bright, orange tape by. I know many parents like the glowing necklaces for Halloween, but they are quickly becoming popular, and therefore, less distinctive.
Another concern is the weather forecast. We are the lucky ones who are supposed to get rain that evening. It's also possible in this country to have snow or ice on Halloween. Make sure your child's footwear is non-slip and can handle the terrain. Kids become excited easily, and if they're like mine, there will be much running, jumping and dancing. The last thing anyone needs is to get a concussion from the sidewalk. Also make sure that they are warm enough. It may sound obvious, but costumes aren't designed for warmth. Make sure they have plenty of clothes underneath so they don't get a chill.
Even if you are planning on going out with your children, make sure you remind them of the rules about street safety. Cover things like what to do if they get lost and not to talk to strangers. Ensure they know some of the safe houses in your neighbourhood to go to if they need it, and review your telephone number and address with them.
Candy Trouble:
Now that you have a million bite-sized pieces of delicious garbage, it's time to set some limits. Feel free to let your kids have free reign and stuff themselves if that's what you prefer. I am not judging. I will however, provide some tips for those like me, whose children morph into lookalikes from another planet after too much sugar.
When we get home we count the candy. We sort by ingredients and preference into a bad ile and good pile, making sure there's exactly half in each. Then we give the kids a small but special new toy or book, in exchange for their bad half of candy. This way the kids are voluntarily giving away the half of their candy they can't eat, but also getting something they want instead. The good pile goes into a bowl on top of the fridge, and the other pile goes to friends who can eat it (or Daddy). They can have one or two pieces a day until it's gone. No problems, no tantrums, no arguments. It's a great system. J and E are so used to not eating junk food that we end up throwing out most of it anyway to make room for Easter eggs.
Whatever limits you choose to set (or not to set), make sure they are clear before trick or treating. Then it only takes a simple reminder when the kids' eyes glaze over looking at a mountain of candy. If there are tantrums of the "I WANT MORE" variety, I find it useful to say, "Well, if candy is causing this much stress, maybe we shouldn't have it in the house." That always works. Trust me.
Preparation:
First comes the costume. It's difficult for a child to be excited about Halloween if they don't know what they're going to dress up as. Personally, I was a bit unconventional when it came to dressing up. I didn't want the typical costumes, like a witch or TV character. Where's the fun in that? My litany of Halloween costumes included a pilot (complete with a plane attached to me), a car, and finally a table. Yes, I went as a table one year. I was lucky that my mom was very creative and handy with sewing.
My boys aren't so lucky. I am creative, but I have no skill at sewing or putting things together to look like something real. So far though, J has picked some pretty easy costumes for me to figure out. This year he is going as a Pokemon trainer, which requires a white shirt, blue vest, blue and white hat with a logo (I can figure that one out) and a green backpack. E is young enough that he can get away with a commercial costume and still look cute, so he will be a monkey.
Whether you made a costume, bought a costume, or bought and revised a costume for your kids, once that part is over you can move on to some other preparation. J is not a crafty sort (he must take after me), unless it comes to holidays. He loves themed crafts for the holidays, and he is constantly checking the calendar to see what's coming up next that we can glue something together for. I had to gently let him down about Columbus Day, before he got too excited. Please, if you know of any Columbus Day crafts, do pass them on.
Halloween crafts are much easier. Here's one of our personal favourites. Garbage bag ghosts. We stuff white kitchen garbage bags with balled up grocery bags, and tie a string around the neck. Then we either tie or duct tape them all around our front porch. Drawing a face on them with Sharpie is optional. They are quick, easy, and look great for Halloween. Another quick and easy one is to blow up some orange balloons and Sharpie Jack 'o Lantern faces on them. They can be hung outside or in a window. We purchased a dowel and made some construction paper chains to hang off of it. Fold the construction paper accordion-style and cut out shapes, leaving the edges intact. Use orange for pumpkins, white for ghosts, black for witchy hats and green for whatever you like. Then staple them together so they are longer and tie them to the dowel. Hang the dowel where people can see it from a window and voila! All the crafts above are quick enough that children can complete them without becoming too distracted, economical and easy to store for next year, and they don't look tacky.
Safety:
Now let's move on to Halloween night. Everyone knows it's important to be safe, so I won't dwell on that, but I will provide some easy ways to enhance safety. If you live in a neighbourhood like mine, it's quite possible that sometimes there will be about fifty kids at the same house. That makes it pretty hard to keep track of your own, especially if they are wearing a popular costume. I also have two other children to consider, because some of J's friends want to join us trick or treating. I will be putting a big X on the back of each of my charges with orange duct tape, so they can't get caught up in the crowds. I'll have a flashlight, just in case, but the street lights are probably enough to see the bright, orange tape by. I know many parents like the glowing necklaces for Halloween, but they are quickly becoming popular, and therefore, less distinctive.
Another concern is the weather forecast. We are the lucky ones who are supposed to get rain that evening. It's also possible in this country to have snow or ice on Halloween. Make sure your child's footwear is non-slip and can handle the terrain. Kids become excited easily, and if they're like mine, there will be much running, jumping and dancing. The last thing anyone needs is to get a concussion from the sidewalk. Also make sure that they are warm enough. It may sound obvious, but costumes aren't designed for warmth. Make sure they have plenty of clothes underneath so they don't get a chill.
Even if you are planning on going out with your children, make sure you remind them of the rules about street safety. Cover things like what to do if they get lost and not to talk to strangers. Ensure they know some of the safe houses in your neighbourhood to go to if they need it, and review your telephone number and address with them.
Candy Trouble:
Now that you have a million bite-sized pieces of delicious garbage, it's time to set some limits. Feel free to let your kids have free reign and stuff themselves if that's what you prefer. I am not judging. I will however, provide some tips for those like me, whose children morph into lookalikes from another planet after too much sugar.
When we get home we count the candy. We sort by ingredients and preference into a bad ile and good pile, making sure there's exactly half in each. Then we give the kids a small but special new toy or book, in exchange for their bad half of candy. This way the kids are voluntarily giving away the half of their candy they can't eat, but also getting something they want instead. The good pile goes into a bowl on top of the fridge, and the other pile goes to friends who can eat it (or Daddy). They can have one or two pieces a day until it's gone. No problems, no tantrums, no arguments. It's a great system. J and E are so used to not eating junk food that we end up throwing out most of it anyway to make room for Easter eggs.
Whatever limits you choose to set (or not to set), make sure they are clear before trick or treating. Then it only takes a simple reminder when the kids' eyes glaze over looking at a mountain of candy. If there are tantrums of the "I WANT MORE" variety, I find it useful to say, "Well, if candy is causing this much stress, maybe we shouldn't have it in the house." That always works. Trust me.
Thursday 24 October 2013
Zippers: The bane of my existence!!!!!
I need a moment to vent. Here's the problem. By March of last year, J had gone through four winter coats. Not because he outgrew them, not because they were stained or ripped, but because he destroyed the zipper on every one of them. So it w sin March that he began wearing a spring jacket, and I'm sure you can guess what happened next.
That's right, looks from other parents (and non-parents) that judged me for being an unfit mother, notes from the teacher saying he wasn't dressed appropriately, and lots of issues about the amount of sweaters he needed to wear underneath his thin jacket.
That's not the only problem we had last year though. He also went through five backpacks and three lunch bags, all due to the zipper being ripped off or broken. The same goes for sweaters. The only reason his pants last so long is because he is so skinny he doesn't need to use the zipper at all; he just pulls them right on.
I know boys are typically rough with their things, but it seems a little ridiculous to me that he breaks the zipper on everything. I was semi-prepared this year with an extra back pack, because I knew he wouldn't last ten months with just one. I was obviously being too optimistic by getting him two, because last week he broke the zipper on his first one. He came home and the entire zip part of the zipper was gone. The zipper itself was still done up, and he didn't bring home homework that night or finish his lunch at school because no one could get into the bag. The teacher tried, other kids tried, I think they even sent him to the office so the principal could try. I ended up opening the front pocket and cutting out the liner so we could get his stuff out of the main part of the bag. It's still usable, but now the opening is much smaller and he has no way to open the big zipper. The day before that, he broke the zipper on his lunch bag.
So it is with great trepidation that I introduced him to his new winter coat. Granted, it's a name brand that claims to repair zippers for free because of their quality guarantee, but he managed to break two zippers of the same "quality" brand last year. I still have the coats though, so I can always mail them to the company and get those zippers replaced so he has some extra. When I think of it, I envision myself sending so many coats through the mail that they forbid me to ever buy from them again. Free repairs can only last so long, right?
So here's where we stand, only a month and a half into school. He's onto his second backpack and his lunch bag has a taped up safety pin where the zipper should be, because Daddy has swiped his extra Ironman lunch bag for work. I fully intend to send the coats from last year back to the company to get the zippers replaced, but I am wishing that someone would invent a Velcro coat that is warm and dry enough for playing in the snow. I watch every day as that poor zipper is pulled mightily every way but up, and my heart stops when it catches the wrong way and only one side zips up. It's not broken yet, but it has only been three days that he's been wearing it.
If we can make it to the Christmas holiday, my wish list will be several lunch boxes, backpacks, and coats for good measure. If I'm lucky, ten of each may last until April.
That's right, looks from other parents (and non-parents) that judged me for being an unfit mother, notes from the teacher saying he wasn't dressed appropriately, and lots of issues about the amount of sweaters he needed to wear underneath his thin jacket.
That's not the only problem we had last year though. He also went through five backpacks and three lunch bags, all due to the zipper being ripped off or broken. The same goes for sweaters. The only reason his pants last so long is because he is so skinny he doesn't need to use the zipper at all; he just pulls them right on.
I know boys are typically rough with their things, but it seems a little ridiculous to me that he breaks the zipper on everything. I was semi-prepared this year with an extra back pack, because I knew he wouldn't last ten months with just one. I was obviously being too optimistic by getting him two, because last week he broke the zipper on his first one. He came home and the entire zip part of the zipper was gone. The zipper itself was still done up, and he didn't bring home homework that night or finish his lunch at school because no one could get into the bag. The teacher tried, other kids tried, I think they even sent him to the office so the principal could try. I ended up opening the front pocket and cutting out the liner so we could get his stuff out of the main part of the bag. It's still usable, but now the opening is much smaller and he has no way to open the big zipper. The day before that, he broke the zipper on his lunch bag.
So it is with great trepidation that I introduced him to his new winter coat. Granted, it's a name brand that claims to repair zippers for free because of their quality guarantee, but he managed to break two zippers of the same "quality" brand last year. I still have the coats though, so I can always mail them to the company and get those zippers replaced so he has some extra. When I think of it, I envision myself sending so many coats through the mail that they forbid me to ever buy from them again. Free repairs can only last so long, right?
So here's where we stand, only a month and a half into school. He's onto his second backpack and his lunch bag has a taped up safety pin where the zipper should be, because Daddy has swiped his extra Ironman lunch bag for work. I fully intend to send the coats from last year back to the company to get the zippers replaced, but I am wishing that someone would invent a Velcro coat that is warm and dry enough for playing in the snow. I watch every day as that poor zipper is pulled mightily every way but up, and my heart stops when it catches the wrong way and only one side zips up. It's not broken yet, but it has only been three days that he's been wearing it.
If we can make it to the Christmas holiday, my wish list will be several lunch boxes, backpacks, and coats for good measure. If I'm lucky, ten of each may last until April.
Friday 18 October 2013
Homework
I volunteered to go into J's class every two weeks to help with spelling. I have been in once and I really enjoyed it. It's just me sitting at a table with each child, reading their "sight word" list and having them print it without looking. It sounds boring to most, but I live for that kind of thing. Really. J was doing "homework assignments" by the time he was three, and I would stay up some nights to brainstorm different ways to get him learning.
Before you think I was having him print out the same letter again and again on triple-lined paper, or copying lines, stop. I wasn't doing anything boring. And I know that because whenever J got bored, I would change what I was doing. I want learning to be fun for my children, and if that means I hunt everywhere for a detailed history of transit systems in Ontario, I will. By that, I mean city buses. J has always had a fascination with bus transportation, and although he's not so enamored with the idea now, he spent years trying to learn everything he could about it. In Ottawa, he knew over 200 buses by number and route by the time he was 2. He also knew every stop on the regular routes, and it only took him going on a new route once for him to learn that.
So do I care about buses? Nope, not at all. Do I know a LOT about them? Yes I do. They bore me to tears, but as a mother I am supposed to sigh inwardly and go over it again and again because my child loves it. I'm not sure if J will have a career involving buses or city transportation someday, but the chances aren't high. That's a pretty random job. I'm glad he learned all about them though, because he was interested and eager to find out. That was my way of teaching him that learning is fun and we can always know more about what we are curious about.
It's not only buses that we focused on. There has also been outer space, vehicles of all types, how to build roads and railroad tracks, career types, etc. The list goes on. E is only 2 and he's got his own list that's just as random: bugs, dogs, socks, trains, leaves and types of water toys. I don't concentrate much on learning the alphabet or counting by rote, but by encouraging them to be interested in what's natural, I've found that both of my boys have a great aptitude for this other, standard stuff. J knew all his letters by 18 months, while E knows almost all of the letters and can almost count to 20. When learning is fun, they want to keep doing it.
Speaking of which, I'm currently writing this while listening to E scream, "seven, eight, nine, TEN!!!!" from his crib, as he decided to start another nap strike today. Yesterday I had to wake him up after 2 1/2 hours and he argued with me because he wanted to stay in bed. Today, he's been there for nearly as long singing and playing and telling me to go to timeout because he's ALL DONE! Go figure.
Before you think I was having him print out the same letter again and again on triple-lined paper, or copying lines, stop. I wasn't doing anything boring. And I know that because whenever J got bored, I would change what I was doing. I want learning to be fun for my children, and if that means I hunt everywhere for a detailed history of transit systems in Ontario, I will. By that, I mean city buses. J has always had a fascination with bus transportation, and although he's not so enamored with the idea now, he spent years trying to learn everything he could about it. In Ottawa, he knew over 200 buses by number and route by the time he was 2. He also knew every stop on the regular routes, and it only took him going on a new route once for him to learn that.
So do I care about buses? Nope, not at all. Do I know a LOT about them? Yes I do. They bore me to tears, but as a mother I am supposed to sigh inwardly and go over it again and again because my child loves it. I'm not sure if J will have a career involving buses or city transportation someday, but the chances aren't high. That's a pretty random job. I'm glad he learned all about them though, because he was interested and eager to find out. That was my way of teaching him that learning is fun and we can always know more about what we are curious about.
It's not only buses that we focused on. There has also been outer space, vehicles of all types, how to build roads and railroad tracks, career types, etc. The list goes on. E is only 2 and he's got his own list that's just as random: bugs, dogs, socks, trains, leaves and types of water toys. I don't concentrate much on learning the alphabet or counting by rote, but by encouraging them to be interested in what's natural, I've found that both of my boys have a great aptitude for this other, standard stuff. J knew all his letters by 18 months, while E knows almost all of the letters and can almost count to 20. When learning is fun, they want to keep doing it.
Speaking of which, I'm currently writing this while listening to E scream, "seven, eight, nine, TEN!!!!" from his crib, as he decided to start another nap strike today. Yesterday I had to wake him up after 2 1/2 hours and he argued with me because he wanted to stay in bed. Today, he's been there for nearly as long singing and playing and telling me to go to timeout because he's ALL DONE! Go figure.
Monday 14 October 2013
Thanksgivng
I hope everyone had a wonderful long weekend and enjoyed Turkey Day. Our Thanksgiving was a little unconventional, but it was great all the same.
I took the kids up to see my parents and have a turkey dinner there. My mom cooked a wonderful meal and even J tried the roast beef. He really enjoyed the turkey, which is surprising considering he was picky about meat for six years, but he gobbled it up (pun not intended). She also cooked roast beef and potatoes and all the rest. The real kicker was dessert though. We had pumpkin pie of course, but there was also a lovely chocolate cream pie to go with it. The goal was for everyone to have two pieces of pie instead of one, because there were only six of us. Needless to say, I forgot about my so-called diet this weekend.
We came home yesterday and celebrated our family Thanksgiving today. I had planned to try serving duck, because a turkey is way too much for the four of us and a chicken doesn't seem special enough. Duck, although I've never tried it, seemed a good compromise. Unfortunately, the ducks that are sold at the grocery store are still huge, and even on sale they were $30. I've never spent half that much on an entire meal, let alone just the meat portion of it, so we settled for a cheaper alternative.
Instead of a nice duck dinner (I'm not even sure I would have liked it by the way) with all the trimmings, we invested in some dough and pesto and P made a pizza. Homemade pizza is a treat around here too, and we did it last year as well. I dare say it's becoming a tradition for us to have pizza and pumpkin pie for our Thanksgiving meal.
That's fine with me though. It's delicious and we all had fun eating it. I know that turkey is the traditional thing to serve on this holiday, but I wonder if anyone else goes against the grain on a regular basis. We do it for Christmas too, although we don't have pizza. We go to my mom's for the turkey part of the holidays, but here at home we tend to have a chicken or spaghetti. No, it's not anything special and I need to work on that.\
Since buying and cooking a turkey never makes sense for our family, I have thought of a new tradition for Christmas this year. It's actually a borrowed one from my dad, but it was fun all the same. My mom worked as a nurse for her entire career and never got Christmas off. We always had our big dinner on another day, and my dad would take my sister and I around visiting everyone we knew on Christmas, instead of staying home. When I was in University, he would come see me and we would drive around looking for any restaurant that was open. Then we would have dinner there.
It was fun and nice to have an adventure to go on at Christmas. This year I think our family will do the same thing. We will drive around and enjoy the Christmas lights while we search for any place that's open. Maybe we'll have pasta, maybe we'll have turkey, but we will eat wherever we find an open restaurant. I haven't discussed it with the rest of the family yet, but I think it's a great idea. I'm always one for starting our own traditions, making things important for us and not just doing things because they're important to other people. But I do know that we will always have pizza on Thanksgiving.......
I took the kids up to see my parents and have a turkey dinner there. My mom cooked a wonderful meal and even J tried the roast beef. He really enjoyed the turkey, which is surprising considering he was picky about meat for six years, but he gobbled it up (pun not intended). She also cooked roast beef and potatoes and all the rest. The real kicker was dessert though. We had pumpkin pie of course, but there was also a lovely chocolate cream pie to go with it. The goal was for everyone to have two pieces of pie instead of one, because there were only six of us. Needless to say, I forgot about my so-called diet this weekend.
We came home yesterday and celebrated our family Thanksgiving today. I had planned to try serving duck, because a turkey is way too much for the four of us and a chicken doesn't seem special enough. Duck, although I've never tried it, seemed a good compromise. Unfortunately, the ducks that are sold at the grocery store are still huge, and even on sale they were $30. I've never spent half that much on an entire meal, let alone just the meat portion of it, so we settled for a cheaper alternative.
Instead of a nice duck dinner (I'm not even sure I would have liked it by the way) with all the trimmings, we invested in some dough and pesto and P made a pizza. Homemade pizza is a treat around here too, and we did it last year as well. I dare say it's becoming a tradition for us to have pizza and pumpkin pie for our Thanksgiving meal.
That's fine with me though. It's delicious and we all had fun eating it. I know that turkey is the traditional thing to serve on this holiday, but I wonder if anyone else goes against the grain on a regular basis. We do it for Christmas too, although we don't have pizza. We go to my mom's for the turkey part of the holidays, but here at home we tend to have a chicken or spaghetti. No, it's not anything special and I need to work on that.\
Since buying and cooking a turkey never makes sense for our family, I have thought of a new tradition for Christmas this year. It's actually a borrowed one from my dad, but it was fun all the same. My mom worked as a nurse for her entire career and never got Christmas off. We always had our big dinner on another day, and my dad would take my sister and I around visiting everyone we knew on Christmas, instead of staying home. When I was in University, he would come see me and we would drive around looking for any restaurant that was open. Then we would have dinner there.
It was fun and nice to have an adventure to go on at Christmas. This year I think our family will do the same thing. We will drive around and enjoy the Christmas lights while we search for any place that's open. Maybe we'll have pasta, maybe we'll have turkey, but we will eat wherever we find an open restaurant. I haven't discussed it with the rest of the family yet, but I think it's a great idea. I'm always one for starting our own traditions, making things important for us and not just doing things because they're important to other people. But I do know that we will always have pizza on Thanksgiving.......
Sunday 6 October 2013
I need nap time!
Last week I had perhaps the biggest scare yet when it comes to E: he refused to nap for five days in a row! J stopped napping before he turned two, but it was a more natural process. His naps decreased in length until they stopped altogether. E, on the other hand, was sleeping for two hours or more, every afternoon, when all of a sudden he stopped.
I panicked. Not because I don't know what to do with a toddler for an entire day, but because two hours to nothing seems a bit ridiculous. And it was. E was refusing to sleep, staying awake and locked in a full upright position until he convinced me to bring him back downstairs. It started with some crying, "Mommy, MOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!" While this was difficult, it's also not out of the ordinary on occasion, so I let him go for it. But instead of drifting off after a minute or two, he started singing. "Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, SONG SONG SONG ME! Follow YOOOUUUU!" I have to admit, that was funny. But then he started yelling at me from his crib, ordering me to follow the Tambourine Man too, and when that failed, he began jumping on his mattress and flinging toys out of his crib. "Uh oh elephant, uh oh Starfish, uh oh Higgle Piggle and Macka Packa, uh oh Nana Bear, UH OH MR. JONES!"
This was what got me. Mr. Jones is sacred. He is the bear I got from my Grade One teacher when I was six, and have kept and passed along to E. He's just as attached to him as I was and there's no way that child is sleeping while Mr. Jones lies cold and lonely on the floor. So I had to go up and rescue the bear, which is when E would pull his "cute" face and tell me he was all done his nap. When I told him no, he became argumentative and summoned his ATTITUDE. I will tell you my two-year old has the attitude of a teenager. He is just as self-righteous, bossy, demanding and disagreeable as the most professional 15-year old. He ordered me to take him downstairs "RIGHT NOW!" and stop the madness of naptime.
Although there was more, I'm sure you get the point. For an hour I listened to E cry, scream, sing, laugh and manhandle his stuffed friends. There was one day when he slept for five minutes in the middle of all this, but aside from that, he woke at 6 and went to bed at 7, with zero sleep in between.
Before you think I'm a parent who needs their kids to have a nap so I get my free time, I'll tell you that's only half the case. Yes, I enjoy sitting down to actually enjoy a coffee without my little one begging me for just one more latte (that's a Tbsp. of brewed coffee with a cup of coconut milk, and he's nuts over it), but it's more about the fact that he clearly needs his daytime sleep still.\
If you think the resistance to naps was challenging, let me tell you about what happened after. My miniature teenager was so tired he could barely stand up. He couldn't walk in a straight line, and after four steps in a crooked line he would fall over. This paired with the "no no no" to everything and the fact that I had to hold him for 90% of the rest of the day, clearly showed me that he just cannot wean himself off of naps right now.
And that's why I panicked. Five days of a clingy, disagreeable, bossy, demanding, impossible-to-please toddler and I nearly reached my limit. I think I would have cried if there had been a day six. But thankfully, on day six he went back to his regular two-hour nap without a fuss, and things have improved a bit from there. At least I know he's not a danger to himself for half of the day and I can sometimes get him to listen to me. Yes, he's still two so that argumentative side is going to be here for a while. But it's nothing I can't handle with a jumbo coffee under my belt.
I know the day will come when he goes morning to night without a sleep in between. I'm not dreading that day though. It just means we will get to go out more, without having to worry about being home for the nap time window. It also means we can stay home and play here if we feel like it. But he's got to be ready. He tried to convince me last week that he was, but I'm not buying it.
I panicked. Not because I don't know what to do with a toddler for an entire day, but because two hours to nothing seems a bit ridiculous. And it was. E was refusing to sleep, staying awake and locked in a full upright position until he convinced me to bring him back downstairs. It started with some crying, "Mommy, MOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!" While this was difficult, it's also not out of the ordinary on occasion, so I let him go for it. But instead of drifting off after a minute or two, he started singing. "Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, SONG SONG SONG ME! Follow YOOOUUUU!" I have to admit, that was funny. But then he started yelling at me from his crib, ordering me to follow the Tambourine Man too, and when that failed, he began jumping on his mattress and flinging toys out of his crib. "Uh oh elephant, uh oh Starfish, uh oh Higgle Piggle and Macka Packa, uh oh Nana Bear, UH OH MR. JONES!"
This was what got me. Mr. Jones is sacred. He is the bear I got from my Grade One teacher when I was six, and have kept and passed along to E. He's just as attached to him as I was and there's no way that child is sleeping while Mr. Jones lies cold and lonely on the floor. So I had to go up and rescue the bear, which is when E would pull his "cute" face and tell me he was all done his nap. When I told him no, he became argumentative and summoned his ATTITUDE. I will tell you my two-year old has the attitude of a teenager. He is just as self-righteous, bossy, demanding and disagreeable as the most professional 15-year old. He ordered me to take him downstairs "RIGHT NOW!" and stop the madness of naptime.
Although there was more, I'm sure you get the point. For an hour I listened to E cry, scream, sing, laugh and manhandle his stuffed friends. There was one day when he slept for five minutes in the middle of all this, but aside from that, he woke at 6 and went to bed at 7, with zero sleep in between.
Before you think I'm a parent who needs their kids to have a nap so I get my free time, I'll tell you that's only half the case. Yes, I enjoy sitting down to actually enjoy a coffee without my little one begging me for just one more latte (that's a Tbsp. of brewed coffee with a cup of coconut milk, and he's nuts over it), but it's more about the fact that he clearly needs his daytime sleep still.\
If you think the resistance to naps was challenging, let me tell you about what happened after. My miniature teenager was so tired he could barely stand up. He couldn't walk in a straight line, and after four steps in a crooked line he would fall over. This paired with the "no no no" to everything and the fact that I had to hold him for 90% of the rest of the day, clearly showed me that he just cannot wean himself off of naps right now.
And that's why I panicked. Five days of a clingy, disagreeable, bossy, demanding, impossible-to-please toddler and I nearly reached my limit. I think I would have cried if there had been a day six. But thankfully, on day six he went back to his regular two-hour nap without a fuss, and things have improved a bit from there. At least I know he's not a danger to himself for half of the day and I can sometimes get him to listen to me. Yes, he's still two so that argumentative side is going to be here for a while. But it's nothing I can't handle with a jumbo coffee under my belt.
I know the day will come when he goes morning to night without a sleep in between. I'm not dreading that day though. It just means we will get to go out more, without having to worry about being home for the nap time window. It also means we can stay home and play here if we feel like it. But he's got to be ready. He tried to convince me last week that he was, but I'm not buying it.
Friday 27 September 2013
J, stop it! Right now!
This is not a post about J, as the title would suggest. He's been pretty great lately, helping more and whining less. Granted, there are still challenges with the attitude and paying attention bit, but I'm putting that down to his age.
This is actually a post about E, who has recently turned two. I may have mentioned once or twice that he's been practising the "Terribles." His attitude is almost on par with his brother. Of course, he has a great role model for the opinionated meltdowns and arguments. With this in mind, I can't decide if his latest habit is offensive or funny.
E has started blaming his brother for everything. I will point out now that this is somewhat justified, like when J takes a toy from E or is picking on him. "J stop it, right now!" makes a lot of sense in those circumstances. What doesn't make sense is when J is in another room, at school, or asleep. E will use that line whether his brother is there or not, because if he's upset then it has to be J's fault, right?
Maybe I failed somewhere in sibling school, but I haven't been able to get the point across to J that his little brother is not a pet to bug or a toy to play with. J thinks it's acceptable to stand in E's way, trip him, hug him whenever he wants and tease him by dangling toys in front of him. I understand why E blames J for everything, and I know that E's attitude and bossiness also comes from J. But this is not a post about J, and no matter what I try to impart to the older brother doesn't seem to be reaching him.
So I will focus on wisdom for the younger brother. But how the heck am I supposed to teach E that attitude, demanding, blocking and being pushy aren't okay when that's all he sees J doing? I have decided to remain consistent with J, and be a little more proactive with E and his new habit. I tell them both that Mommy will not listen if they don't use a nice voice. I have also started using timeouts for E, which backfires somewhat. E doesn't like timeouts when I'm holding him in place for 60 seconds after a behaviour, but he will tell me sporadically, "Mommy, E temper, timeout, calm down," and put himself in timeout. So sometimes it's discipline and sometimes it's a game. I'll have to see where this one goes.
So far, neither of my boys have improved their attitude one iota. Consistency is the key, I know, but I really thought I'd have at least another year or two for J to be giving me this trouble. Instead, he's an early starter and motivated his brother to have the attitude of a teenager at two years old. Yes, I'm proud my boys are overachievers, but I sometimes wish they would focus little less on being opinionated and a little more on being cooperative.
I know this won't happen for a while yet. Only today E started, "Mommy, stop it, right now!" This was after I put him down for a nap and he tried to negotiate for half an hour from his room, while I sat here, one floor below and listened to his deals. There was the "Bonk my head, Mr. Jones needs pants, fan too slow, machines too loud," and finally just, "Mommy stop it, right now." It's times like these when I console myself with the fact that at least my boys are cute.....
This is actually a post about E, who has recently turned two. I may have mentioned once or twice that he's been practising the "Terribles." His attitude is almost on par with his brother. Of course, he has a great role model for the opinionated meltdowns and arguments. With this in mind, I can't decide if his latest habit is offensive or funny.
E has started blaming his brother for everything. I will point out now that this is somewhat justified, like when J takes a toy from E or is picking on him. "J stop it, right now!" makes a lot of sense in those circumstances. What doesn't make sense is when J is in another room, at school, or asleep. E will use that line whether his brother is there or not, because if he's upset then it has to be J's fault, right?
Maybe I failed somewhere in sibling school, but I haven't been able to get the point across to J that his little brother is not a pet to bug or a toy to play with. J thinks it's acceptable to stand in E's way, trip him, hug him whenever he wants and tease him by dangling toys in front of him. I understand why E blames J for everything, and I know that E's attitude and bossiness also comes from J. But this is not a post about J, and no matter what I try to impart to the older brother doesn't seem to be reaching him.
So I will focus on wisdom for the younger brother. But how the heck am I supposed to teach E that attitude, demanding, blocking and being pushy aren't okay when that's all he sees J doing? I have decided to remain consistent with J, and be a little more proactive with E and his new habit. I tell them both that Mommy will not listen if they don't use a nice voice. I have also started using timeouts for E, which backfires somewhat. E doesn't like timeouts when I'm holding him in place for 60 seconds after a behaviour, but he will tell me sporadically, "Mommy, E temper, timeout, calm down," and put himself in timeout. So sometimes it's discipline and sometimes it's a game. I'll have to see where this one goes.
So far, neither of my boys have improved their attitude one iota. Consistency is the key, I know, but I really thought I'd have at least another year or two for J to be giving me this trouble. Instead, he's an early starter and motivated his brother to have the attitude of a teenager at two years old. Yes, I'm proud my boys are overachievers, but I sometimes wish they would focus little less on being opinionated and a little more on being cooperative.
I know this won't happen for a while yet. Only today E started, "Mommy, stop it, right now!" This was after I put him down for a nap and he tried to negotiate for half an hour from his room, while I sat here, one floor below and listened to his deals. There was the "Bonk my head, Mr. Jones needs pants, fan too slow, machines too loud," and finally just, "Mommy stop it, right now." It's times like these when I console myself with the fact that at least my boys are cute.....
Sunday 22 September 2013
E's Birthday
We had E's birthday party yesterday, because he turned two earlier in the week. Although it was nothing spectacular to most people, I do want to write about it because it was fun and important to us. We invited only a few people, and half of them cancelled so at the end of the day we had five guests, three parents and two children. Only one of the children was (almost) in E's age group, but the other is a friend of J's. I wasn't concerned about this, because E is familiar and comfortable with everyone who showed and he was happy they came.
I didn't organize any games. I thought about it, but with four children, all at different ages, it would have been impossible to come up with anything appropriate. I also didn't organize a huge event, like a trip to the park. We would have played outside but it was raining. So as it was, we started in the playroom in the basement, then migrated to the living room. I can't say enough for the value and simplicity of a roomful of balloons and noise makers. J and his friend ended up back downstairs, while E and his little girlfriend co-existed upstairs. They didn't play together, but they were in the same room.
I served simple snacks. Entertaining (even for a small group) always motivates me to invest in real, matching serving dishes, because there was a pretty motley assortment of dishes on the table. Nothing fancy, simply our ordinary table wear with some cut up food on it, but it was functional. The good news is our guests aren't the judgmental type so I could relax about that. I also tried to make a cake for E, not once but twice. I used the wrong flour with the first, so it turned out very dense and while tasty, not birthday-cakey. The second, I used the wrong mixer so there were bubbles that weren't fit for icing. I cut up both to freeze and serve as snack cakes for J and E, and since I ran out of time (and room in the freezer for another mistake) I ended up purchasing a standard cake from the grocery store. I think birthday parties should have homemade cakes, but enough was enough. I tried. And the store cake was good!
Then we did presents, which was a bit of an ordeal. E opened the first and got distracted. It was a wonderful set of Velcro produce: fruits and veggies that can be cut with a play knife and stuck back together like a 3-D puzzle. E can't get enough of it and he forgot that there were more gifts to open, but eventually he made it to the finish line. He also got a car mat, that quite perfectly is part of a set he already has. They are two different mats that fit together to make a larger city, and he loves that too. He also got some cars (I hope I don't need to say he adores them) and new shirts. He is a little fashionista (fashionisto?) and they were both green, his favourite colour. E got his presents from us earlier in the week on his birthday, but it may have been overwhelming to have many more.
Then J handed out the goodie bags, making sure he restocked them with extra stuff and everyone got their favourite colours of the goodies. The party lasted about two hours, which to me is short but necessarily so for E's age. So all in all it wasn't much. There were a few no-shows and cancellations, there wasn't an organized agenda and the food wasn't professional catering. But everyone had fun and it was nice to be able to talk and have the kids play together without being too busy. The people who showed are people who care about E and know him well enough to buy the perfect presents. Food presentation may have been lacking but my mismatched plates were almost empty when it was over, so I served the right snack. Every attendee had a piece of cake (which they might not have if I'd served my homemade ones). And this may not be important to the rest of you but it is to me: when people arrived my house was clean. I mean immaculately so. When they left, not so much, but it's the first impressions that are memorable, right?
After a positive and quiet party (the loud kids were downstairs, remember?), I have decided that it was just right. Not much went as planned, but that's perhaps what made it so perfect. And E had a great time, which is really all that matters. Even if it seems too simple for the majority of the population, to E, and to us, it was spectacular.
I didn't organize any games. I thought about it, but with four children, all at different ages, it would have been impossible to come up with anything appropriate. I also didn't organize a huge event, like a trip to the park. We would have played outside but it was raining. So as it was, we started in the playroom in the basement, then migrated to the living room. I can't say enough for the value and simplicity of a roomful of balloons and noise makers. J and his friend ended up back downstairs, while E and his little girlfriend co-existed upstairs. They didn't play together, but they were in the same room.
I served simple snacks. Entertaining (even for a small group) always motivates me to invest in real, matching serving dishes, because there was a pretty motley assortment of dishes on the table. Nothing fancy, simply our ordinary table wear with some cut up food on it, but it was functional. The good news is our guests aren't the judgmental type so I could relax about that. I also tried to make a cake for E, not once but twice. I used the wrong flour with the first, so it turned out very dense and while tasty, not birthday-cakey. The second, I used the wrong mixer so there were bubbles that weren't fit for icing. I cut up both to freeze and serve as snack cakes for J and E, and since I ran out of time (and room in the freezer for another mistake) I ended up purchasing a standard cake from the grocery store. I think birthday parties should have homemade cakes, but enough was enough. I tried. And the store cake was good!
Then we did presents, which was a bit of an ordeal. E opened the first and got distracted. It was a wonderful set of Velcro produce: fruits and veggies that can be cut with a play knife and stuck back together like a 3-D puzzle. E can't get enough of it and he forgot that there were more gifts to open, but eventually he made it to the finish line. He also got a car mat, that quite perfectly is part of a set he already has. They are two different mats that fit together to make a larger city, and he loves that too. He also got some cars (I hope I don't need to say he adores them) and new shirts. He is a little fashionista (fashionisto?) and they were both green, his favourite colour. E got his presents from us earlier in the week on his birthday, but it may have been overwhelming to have many more.
Then J handed out the goodie bags, making sure he restocked them with extra stuff and everyone got their favourite colours of the goodies. The party lasted about two hours, which to me is short but necessarily so for E's age. So all in all it wasn't much. There were a few no-shows and cancellations, there wasn't an organized agenda and the food wasn't professional catering. But everyone had fun and it was nice to be able to talk and have the kids play together without being too busy. The people who showed are people who care about E and know him well enough to buy the perfect presents. Food presentation may have been lacking but my mismatched plates were almost empty when it was over, so I served the right snack. Every attendee had a piece of cake (which they might not have if I'd served my homemade ones). And this may not be important to the rest of you but it is to me: when people arrived my house was clean. I mean immaculately so. When they left, not so much, but it's the first impressions that are memorable, right?
After a positive and quiet party (the loud kids were downstairs, remember?), I have decided that it was just right. Not much went as planned, but that's perhaps what made it so perfect. And E had a great time, which is really all that matters. Even if it seems too simple for the majority of the population, to E, and to us, it was spectacular.
Bullies
Last week I found out that J has been putting up with bullies at school. I know that's an overused term, but despite my personal feelings on the English language and our tendency to go for trendy social issues, that's what it was. It's not really about the term anyway, but what happened to my son, how it affected him, how we dealt with it and what I think of anti-bully education. I will even provide a bullet-point list for my loyal readers.
- I got a note from J's teacher saying he called a girl "the hottest," and to please speak to him. He doesn't hear that language at home, so I knew he either heard it from older kids saying it to each other, or from someone in his class. It turned out that someone in his class (another 6 year-old) had persuaded him to say it. There was another boy too, encouraging him to say even more inappropriate things to girls (which thankfully, he didn't say, because he would have been suspended). J didn't know what these things meant but he was scared to refuse because he didn't want the other boys teasing him or not liking him, so he said it.
- When I tried talking to J about this, I was calm and supportive and told him I wasn't angry. As soon as I mentioned the note though, he ran up to his room and threw all his bedding around and started throwing toys and slamming doors. Needless to say, he was very upset. I calmed him down enough to have a conversation, but he was crying intermittently and had to walk away from me several times because he couldn't keep it together. I eventually managed to deliver the message that this wasn't his fault, and next time he should tell someone "no thanks, you go ahead and do that yourself." That way he is calling them out and letting them take responsibility for their own actions. He's also got a way to avoid being called a chicken, because if they won't do it either they probably won't call him that. He felt better, but he was scared to go to school Thursday and Friday. He was actually so stressed out that he vomited before school on both days.
- Now for what we did about it. In addition to giving him a way to avoid being pressured into doing anything, I also had him talk to his dad about it. He was scared to at first, because he was ashamed and felt guilty, but I explained everything to P and they had a man-to-boy talk about bullying and people who matter. That helped J a great deal, and it reinforced some of what I said as well as gave him a second perspective to understand it better. I also sent J to school on Thursday and Friday, despite his upset tummy, because I want to teach him to face the things he's scared of. Of course I also told him that if things got worse or he wanted to come home I would pick him up, but he had to try. He didn't come home early either day, so I think that was great. He was very brave. I also phoned the teacher after I found out the whole story from J, and let her know what happened. On the advice of the therapists who will be working with J for anxiety, I told her a bit of what he is going through, and explained that he will always take the blame for any problem, even if he had nothing to do with it. I was also very clear on how I told him to handle it, and she told me how she was going to deal with the other boys involved. I was happy about this, but had to explain to J why she had to know. He was incredibly worried about "telling on them" and tried denying that it happened in the first place. The first day after this incident, one of the boys involved threatened him in a way that wouldn't have physically hurt him, but still qualifies as assault. Fortunately the teacher heard him say this and the boy was made to eat his lunch in the office. J was also moved to another table to eat, so he wouldn't have contact with the other boys. I followed up on Friday to make sure J was acting normally in school, and he was. There had been no further issue and hopefully there won't be this week.
- Now for my opinions on the social aspect of things. IL know you knew it was coming. While I'm happy with everything the teacher has done and how the school is reacting, I can't help but think this might not have happened so early if it weren't for the anti-bullying campaign being forced on children so young. Here's what I mean. Children are told what bullying is when they start school. This means some kids are 4 and some are 3. Yes, it's good to be aware, but I don't think children of this age can get the message clearly, no matter how simplified it is. I don't think they're ready for it at 6 either. If you don't believe me, collect a group of six year-olds and put them in a room together. Then try to teach them something important and socially significant, like avoiding peer pressure. Then ask them what the message was. Every kids in that room will say something different, because they can't understand the full message yet. Some will take one thing and think that's the entire message, while others will get it all mixed up and not make sense at all. The brain at six years can't handle important messages like this; it's biological. So let's apply that to the anti-bullying campaign at schools. Children are told what bullying is, how to spot it, how to stop it and how to avoid being a bully. Then they are encouraged to tell a teacher or adult, even if it means being made fun of. So here's how I think that would be interpreted in J's case. The boys who are bullying him are likely prone to it for some reason, either low self-esteem, unhappy home situations, poor role models, whatever. I don't know anything about them personally but I do know that bullies tend to have their own problems that are relieved by picking on someone else. So J likely would have faced some teasing or name-calling at this stage at any rate. But if these boys weren't taught so early how to be bullies, I believe the extreme case of it wouldn't have occurred until they were all much older. People who are prone to becoming bullies are given the chance to do so much earlier if they are taught exactly how to be a bully. That's the message I believe these kids take from the anti-bullying education. Now J, I know he hears all this stuff about bullying and he knows it's an important issue. His personal message though is this: If you tell on a bully, you will get picked on. The combination of his age, his disposition and his anxiety mean that he's learning to hide what's going on so he doesn't suffer further. If his teacher hadn't caught him saying that to a girl in class, he would never had told me about any of this and nothing would be resolved. It might have even come to him repeating the other thing (that was infinitely worse) and being sent home from school. Don't get me wrong here. I know young kids can still be mean to each other, but I fully believe if they weren't taught all this bullying stuff so early that right now J would be dealing with name-calling at the very worst. Which is still tough on kids, but not as tough as being intimidated to saying something one knows is wrong but doesn't know why, and then getting in trouble at school and having to face his parents and fearing he's in trouble then. Name calling can be explained at this age, and easily avoided. Having to explain what the term "hot" means to a first grader, and other, much older concepts (which we also had to do), should be left alone for years yet.
Sunday 15 September 2013
Practising the Terribles
I hope my readers know that I don't usually capitalize random words in a title. It's bad form. "Terribles," however, is used here as a proper noun. Let me explain. E is turning two on Tuesday. For the last couple months he has been practising the Terribles, just to make sure he's got it down before his birthday. He's always been an overachiever.
At some point in the summer he discovered that he doesn't always have to agree with me. In fact, he found out that he can disagree with me about everything. "No" has become his favourite word. Now I know there's nothing spectacular about this; all kids go through this phase and it's completely normal, even boring. What's not normal is the emphasis he puts on the phrase, especially when he's talking about something that he likes. (Disclaimer: I know what follows is also bad grammatical form but this is for illustrative purposes)
Imagine if you will, a child who wakes up happy, playing with his bear and calling, "Mommy, get up. Awake awake awake!" There is a smile for a greeting and a sweet little voice saying, "Moooooommmmmmmy!" Enter diaper change. "NO BUM CHANGE! NO NO NO! MOMMY NO BUM! NO BUM CHANGE! NO GET YOU! NO CHASE E! NO BUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" Followed by the dirty look that I can get nowhere else. This child has developed a dirty look that would make people cry, but I'm his mother, so of course I think it's cute.
It's not enough to scream down the house at six in the morning though. Once I wrangle him into a dry diaper, he usually goes to the fridge to let me know he's hungry. He has this endearing little habit of opening the door, looking up and down and all over the shelves, saying "Hmmmmmmmmm," until he asks for what he wants. It's usually yogurt. So I will get him yogurt, because that's the type of mom I am, put him in his seat and lovingly set the yogurt in front of him. To which he responds, "MOMMY NO YOGURT! MOMMY< LISTEN! DON"T DO THAT! LOOK AT ME MOMMY! MOMMY LOOK AT ME! NOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOGUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!MOMMY!" And a dirty look. After he has completed this ritual, he eats the yogurt.
The problem with this is not that he has an opinion, or even that he expresses it so freely. Nor is it that he is contrary and just says "no" for the heck of it. It's not even his volume. My ears are well-tuned to the sound of a tantrum (it's not all J's fault, I was a behavioural counsellor for over a decade). No, the problem is simply that he is so darned cute, even when he's angrier than anyone alive.
For anyone who hasn't seen my child, he is undeniably adorable. Not a day goes by when several people don't comment on it. Even people who see him often seem to constantly remark on his level of cute-ness. I'm not bragging here. I know that he's cute, but I honestly get sick of hearing it. Sometimes I wish he weren't so cute, so people would notice his other positive attributes. It's gotten to the point that when someone says he's cute, I respond with, "He's got other things going for him. He's smart too, you know. And funny." So rather than bragging about it, I'm half complaining about it.
Before you condemn me for that, I will explain the problem I was alluding to before.He is so cute and cuddly looking that when he's mad I just want to hug him and laugh. Not laugh at him, but laugh because it's so priceless to see that perfect little face all screwed up in rage, shooting daggers like only some skilled people ever have the ability to do. It's extremely difficult to respond appropriately.
This aside, he's also practising his non-compliance. This also involves ample use of the word "no," but rather than arguing with me he is refusing to listen. "NO GO IN! NO EAT! NO STOP PLAYING! NO NO NO!" This is much easier to respond to, because after two verbal prompts I will physically assist him to listen. That means pick him up if he needs to go somewhere, or hold him in place while he puts away his toys. The problem here is that I have to chase him, and he's fast! Fortunately, if we're at home he doesn't have anywhere to run but in a circle and I can position myself to catch him as he passes. But then he thinks it's funny and can't remember what the lesson was.
Another way to practise the Terribles is to practise his aggression. He's not the aggressive sort (not yet) and he's more testing what he can do. He will run up and try to push me, or kick my legs when I'm holding him. He even accompanies it with a question, "Kick Mommy?" Mommy responds, "No, we don't kick. That's not nice." And of course that earns me the dirty look and sometimes a full-out tantrum. "E KICK MOMMY!!!!!" PLEASE!!!!"
All this fun aside, there are a couple things I know from being a behavioural counsellor and a second-child parent. Here's my advice, applicable no matter when the Terrible Twos begins for you. No matter how cute your child is, try not to laugh when they are acting up. It's hard, but you don't want to go down that road, trust me. Sometimes you need to use simple directions when you're stating the rules. "Hitting is not nice," is better than, "OWWWWWW!" I have tested both of these reactions, and the first is more effective. Don't be afraid to follow up with a physical prompt, whether it's moving your child to where you asked him to go or providing hand-over-hand assistance to finish that cereal. And finally, if you know it's attention-seeking behaviour and injury and health are not a concern, ignore. If something doesn't get a reaction, it will become boring very quickly. It's important to remember to ignore the behaviour, not the child. This is also a lifesaver when you have to turn away to hide a smile.........
At some point in the summer he discovered that he doesn't always have to agree with me. In fact, he found out that he can disagree with me about everything. "No" has become his favourite word. Now I know there's nothing spectacular about this; all kids go through this phase and it's completely normal, even boring. What's not normal is the emphasis he puts on the phrase, especially when he's talking about something that he likes. (Disclaimer: I know what follows is also bad grammatical form but this is for illustrative purposes)
Imagine if you will, a child who wakes up happy, playing with his bear and calling, "Mommy, get up. Awake awake awake!" There is a smile for a greeting and a sweet little voice saying, "Moooooommmmmmmy!" Enter diaper change. "NO BUM CHANGE! NO NO NO! MOMMY NO BUM! NO BUM CHANGE! NO GET YOU! NO CHASE E! NO BUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" Followed by the dirty look that I can get nowhere else. This child has developed a dirty look that would make people cry, but I'm his mother, so of course I think it's cute.
It's not enough to scream down the house at six in the morning though. Once I wrangle him into a dry diaper, he usually goes to the fridge to let me know he's hungry. He has this endearing little habit of opening the door, looking up and down and all over the shelves, saying "Hmmmmmmmmm," until he asks for what he wants. It's usually yogurt. So I will get him yogurt, because that's the type of mom I am, put him in his seat and lovingly set the yogurt in front of him. To which he responds, "MOMMY NO YOGURT! MOMMY< LISTEN! DON"T DO THAT! LOOK AT ME MOMMY! MOMMY LOOK AT ME! NOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOGUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!MOMMY!" And a dirty look. After he has completed this ritual, he eats the yogurt.
The problem with this is not that he has an opinion, or even that he expresses it so freely. Nor is it that he is contrary and just says "no" for the heck of it. It's not even his volume. My ears are well-tuned to the sound of a tantrum (it's not all J's fault, I was a behavioural counsellor for over a decade). No, the problem is simply that he is so darned cute, even when he's angrier than anyone alive.
For anyone who hasn't seen my child, he is undeniably adorable. Not a day goes by when several people don't comment on it. Even people who see him often seem to constantly remark on his level of cute-ness. I'm not bragging here. I know that he's cute, but I honestly get sick of hearing it. Sometimes I wish he weren't so cute, so people would notice his other positive attributes. It's gotten to the point that when someone says he's cute, I respond with, "He's got other things going for him. He's smart too, you know. And funny." So rather than bragging about it, I'm half complaining about it.
Before you condemn me for that, I will explain the problem I was alluding to before.He is so cute and cuddly looking that when he's mad I just want to hug him and laugh. Not laugh at him, but laugh because it's so priceless to see that perfect little face all screwed up in rage, shooting daggers like only some skilled people ever have the ability to do. It's extremely difficult to respond appropriately.
This aside, he's also practising his non-compliance. This also involves ample use of the word "no," but rather than arguing with me he is refusing to listen. "NO GO IN! NO EAT! NO STOP PLAYING! NO NO NO!" This is much easier to respond to, because after two verbal prompts I will physically assist him to listen. That means pick him up if he needs to go somewhere, or hold him in place while he puts away his toys. The problem here is that I have to chase him, and he's fast! Fortunately, if we're at home he doesn't have anywhere to run but in a circle and I can position myself to catch him as he passes. But then he thinks it's funny and can't remember what the lesson was.
Another way to practise the Terribles is to practise his aggression. He's not the aggressive sort (not yet) and he's more testing what he can do. He will run up and try to push me, or kick my legs when I'm holding him. He even accompanies it with a question, "Kick Mommy?" Mommy responds, "No, we don't kick. That's not nice." And of course that earns me the dirty look and sometimes a full-out tantrum. "E KICK MOMMY!!!!!" PLEASE!!!!"
All this fun aside, there are a couple things I know from being a behavioural counsellor and a second-child parent. Here's my advice, applicable no matter when the Terrible Twos begins for you. No matter how cute your child is, try not to laugh when they are acting up. It's hard, but you don't want to go down that road, trust me. Sometimes you need to use simple directions when you're stating the rules. "Hitting is not nice," is better than, "OWWWWWW!" I have tested both of these reactions, and the first is more effective. Don't be afraid to follow up with a physical prompt, whether it's moving your child to where you asked him to go or providing hand-over-hand assistance to finish that cereal. And finally, if you know it's attention-seeking behaviour and injury and health are not a concern, ignore. If something doesn't get a reaction, it will become boring very quickly. It's important to remember to ignore the behaviour, not the child. This is also a lifesaver when you have to turn away to hide a smile.........
Tuesday 10 September 2013
What a week (and it's only Tuesday!)
J started school along with the rest of the general, school-aged population last week. I would have written a lengthy post about that, but I've been sick and lazy. In a nutshell, he's happy he's going every day. I am a little happy he's going every day, because it gives me a chance to have one-on-one time with E (like J had for so long), but I'm also a little sad that he's going every day now. I worked it out and between the bus and school he will be away from home for 35 hours a week for the next fourteen years. That seems like a lot, and it's a little sad. Maybe that's why I didn't have a hard time when he went to Junior Kindergarten though. He started on an every other day basis and I was wondering what was wrong with me. I wasn't crying like the rest of the moms who sniffled their children off to their very first day......Now that he's going every day though, I have had to fight the sniffles a couple of times.
End of nutshell. Now let's move on to this week. Monday was great, despite me being sick. I didn't feel great but was determined to spend a good day with E. We spent the morning walking around the neighbourhood and going to his favourite parks. Then we got home and E had a nap while I had some time to rest and write. Then we went to the bus stop. There were about five kids who got off the bus ahead of J, and every one of them told me his nose was bleeding.Then J got off the bus and his nose wasn't just bleeding; it was pouring out of both nostrils and his clothes were a write-off. Since he had surgery on his nose eleven days prior to that, I was a bit concerned to say the least.
What followed was a frantic call to Telehealth and then waiting to determine whether medical attention was needed. Yes, it was. So we went to the only walk-in clinic in this town because I couldn't get a hold of the after-hours clinic for our doctor's office. The walk-in clinic turned us away because they were full. So I called our office's clinic again and they were full too, but when I explained what happened they fit us in right away. We learned that J had a mild concussion but as far as surgery and the healing was concerned, he is probably fine. He needs monitoring and if he shows certain symptoms he will need more medical attention, but the chances of that are low.
As was, apparently, his chance of being head butted in the nose on the school bus. The surgeon said that he was fine to go to school, just to avoid any injuries to the nose. When I explained that he was a 6-year old boy, the surgeon told me not to worry. Nose injuries at school are fairly uncommon. Of course they are. J's been in school for two years and hasn't received one injury to the nose, except right after his operation.
My friend mentioned that it was probably shocking to see him come off the bus in such a state. I thought about that briefly and told her that no, it wasn't really. This is J we're talking about. He seems to be the most uncoordinated child in the world at times, and he has inherited my whopping dose of dumb luck. I do believe it's genetic. But what can I do about it? I was ready to tell the surgeon that simply because J has to avoid injuries to the nose he would definitely get one, but that would have made me paranoid. It doesn't matter that I would have been right. I can't keep him home from school for the rest of his life either, which was my first inclination when he turned four. If there is an injury to be had, my boy will probably have it. So I have to be prepared to deal with it and keep my broken record going: "Be careful, watch where you're going, slow down, be careful, don't fall in that hole, be careful......" It's really all I can do.
The good news is that repetition is a common way to teach something, so by the time J moves out in a decade and a half, he should be a little more careful. On a side note, E doesn't seem to have this same tendency to get hurt as J does, but given enough repetition from watching his brother, I'm sure he'll learn quick.
End of nutshell. Now let's move on to this week. Monday was great, despite me being sick. I didn't feel great but was determined to spend a good day with E. We spent the morning walking around the neighbourhood and going to his favourite parks. Then we got home and E had a nap while I had some time to rest and write. Then we went to the bus stop. There were about five kids who got off the bus ahead of J, and every one of them told me his nose was bleeding.Then J got off the bus and his nose wasn't just bleeding; it was pouring out of both nostrils and his clothes were a write-off. Since he had surgery on his nose eleven days prior to that, I was a bit concerned to say the least.
What followed was a frantic call to Telehealth and then waiting to determine whether medical attention was needed. Yes, it was. So we went to the only walk-in clinic in this town because I couldn't get a hold of the after-hours clinic for our doctor's office. The walk-in clinic turned us away because they were full. So I called our office's clinic again and they were full too, but when I explained what happened they fit us in right away. We learned that J had a mild concussion but as far as surgery and the healing was concerned, he is probably fine. He needs monitoring and if he shows certain symptoms he will need more medical attention, but the chances of that are low.
As was, apparently, his chance of being head butted in the nose on the school bus. The surgeon said that he was fine to go to school, just to avoid any injuries to the nose. When I explained that he was a 6-year old boy, the surgeon told me not to worry. Nose injuries at school are fairly uncommon. Of course they are. J's been in school for two years and hasn't received one injury to the nose, except right after his operation.
My friend mentioned that it was probably shocking to see him come off the bus in such a state. I thought about that briefly and told her that no, it wasn't really. This is J we're talking about. He seems to be the most uncoordinated child in the world at times, and he has inherited my whopping dose of dumb luck. I do believe it's genetic. But what can I do about it? I was ready to tell the surgeon that simply because J has to avoid injuries to the nose he would definitely get one, but that would have made me paranoid. It doesn't matter that I would have been right. I can't keep him home from school for the rest of his life either, which was my first inclination when he turned four. If there is an injury to be had, my boy will probably have it. So I have to be prepared to deal with it and keep my broken record going: "Be careful, watch where you're going, slow down, be careful, don't fall in that hole, be careful......" It's really all I can do.
The good news is that repetition is a common way to teach something, so by the time J moves out in a decade and a half, he should be a little more careful. On a side note, E doesn't seem to have this same tendency to get hurt as J does, but given enough repetition from watching his brother, I'm sure he'll learn quick.
Friday 6 September 2013
The three C's: Crafty, Creative and Cheap
I know "cheap" is not a word many of you like to use in reference to yourself, but "economical" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Plus, then it would be "Two C's and an E" and that would derail the rhythm I'm trying to create here. And as some of you know, I call myself cheap with pride. I'm always looking for free entertainment, whether it's a trip to the library or zoo, or something to do at home. So I'm going to share some of the best ideas I've come up with (and borrowed) to amuse children at home. Some are crafty and some are not, but all are creative and fun.
Toe Painting:
This is one of my favourite memories with J. We were finger painting and he sat in the paint. Fortunately, I had covered the entire floor plan (not just the floor) with newspaper and we were painting on several sheets of Bristol board. He got up and stepped in the paint, and started using his feet to create a masterpiece. He was slipping and sliding all over the place and it really wasn't a great picture, but it was a lot of fun. Caution: if you do this activity make sure you have plenty of old rags and towels for quick wiping, some wet and some dry. Also be sure to have a clear and protected path to the bath tub (I like to fill the bath tub before bringing out the paint, just to be extra sure).
Laundry Basket Ride:
A laundry basket is the perfect mode of transportation for a child of 1-3 years. Whether you have carpet or hard wood it slides along easily (I put it on a towel to protect wood though). It's basically a version of an indoor wagon, but the bending and stretching and pulling will give you a workout too, so you can reduce your gym time by ten minutes, at least. It's not much different than sailing along on a ride-on toy, but it's wacky enough that the kids will be thrilled.
Matching Games:
Cut out pictures from old magazines. Get a bunch of construction paper or baskets (tuppy dishes work well too) and have your child sort the pictures according to a theme. For younger children use something simple, like colours or animals. Older children will be challenged if they get a bunch of random pictures and have to come up with their own theme, like all women wearing blue, or things starting with S. Or you could also employ the older children to cut out the pictures for the younger ones.
Holiday Banners:
This is appropriate for whatever holiday is coming up, and a great way to spend an afternoon. Using construction paper or card stock, cut out several holiday shapes. We did one with eggs for Easter, but you can use ghosts for Halloween or wreaths and trees for Christmas. It's easier if you use a stencil to get many shapes at once, but do what you like. You will be placing them on a ribbon to hang as a banner, so the number of shapes depends on the length of your banner. Once the shapes are ready, have your children decorate them with markers, crayons, glitter glue, stickers, googly eyes, or whatever else they want to stick on there. Punch a hole in the top of each shape (you can stack them to do several at once) and string them along your ribbon. You can use string in a pinch, but a ribbon will hold the pieces in place while they're hanging more than a string will. Position them an equal distance apart and hang on a wall or in a door frame. As an alternative, you can cut your shapes from old greeting cards.
Play Dough Restaurant:
I came up with this one on a rainy day. There are only so many convincing animals I can make with play dough, so I went to the cupboard to find something unique. There was tons of stuff in there that goes well with play dough, so J and I started a pretend restaurant. We used old ice cube trays to make muffins, cookie cutters to make cookies (obviously), and other tuppy dishes to be molds for burgers and sandwiches. A dull butter knife or a ruler makes wonderful noodles after the dough is rolled out. I never understood why some people spend money on play dough "accessories," when things around the house work just as well and are free. Paper towel rolls, the flat bottom of dishes and shiny books can all be used to roll and shape the dough. We have also had a play dough library, bakery, movie store, pet shop and train station.
Tissue Paper Collage:
This is a fun and unique artsy project. You can buy tissue paper at any dollar store so go do that. Let your child rip it up as much as he wants, just be sure it all stays in a semblance of a neat pile so you can use it. Once you have amassed a collection of tissue bits, get a piece of paper. Any one will do, but the thicker it is the longer it will last. Get a paint brush and dip it in watered down craft glue (about 1/3 water, 2/3 glue). Have your child cover the paper with glue and start sticking. Eventually it will be mostly covered, but if there are blank areas water down the glue a bit more and dab it on them. Stick more pieces on until there is a finished masterpiece. If your child wants, you can wait until it's completely dry before dotting on more glue (watered or not) and attaching buttons or pom poms. There really is no point to this craft except to be crafty and pass time being creative, but consider it a version of modern and abstract art, and hang it with pride. You can also have your child do this on the front of greeting cards.
Sock Maze:
This is my nutty version of a homemade marble maze. Create a maze with books or toys on the floor. Then take turns rolling a balled up sock (I use clean ones but whatever floats your boat), trying to keep it inside the maze. Whoever completes the maze or gets the farthest wins.
Movie Madness:
I'm not a big fan of turning on the TV that much, so I try to convince my children that movies can be just as fun to sort as to watch. Okay, this is really only a cheater's way to finagle your kids into straightening the living room, but it's still fun and mentally stimulating. Open all your DVD cases and sort the empty ones into a pile. Close up the ones that have the correct movie in them and have one or two children stack them neatly in a place of your choosing. Then gather all your loose DVD's and race to see who can find the most matching ones. Everyone creates a separate pile of "found and filled" DVD cases, and can add them up at the end. Then have your kids stack those neatly too. Ten minutes, at least.
Popsicle Stick Furniture (or houses or cars or roads or...):
I bought a big box of craft sticks at the dollar store years ago and we still have 2/3 of the box, although we use them all the time. Get some glue and sticks and get thinking. Glue the sticks together to create 3D models, or break them into different sizes and glue them onto paper to form pictures. My boys are obsessed with cars so we tend to go a little crazy gluing sticks to stapled-together Bristol Board to make a town for the cars to drive through. Of course it's up to me to draw the stores and parks and all that, but it's fun. The only drawback is you can't fold it easily for storage......
Make Your Own Book:
Use pictures of your family and relatives or pictures from a magazine for this one. Get a bunch of construction paper and staple it together like a book. Then glue in pictures in a random order, and you or your child can write captions for the pictures. This can be a personal photo collection with captions or a funny story with random people.
Hand Print Stuff:
Get out the finger paint again. It's time to make some hand prints. Use whatever colours and paper you'd like, but let them dry fully. Then have your children make as many silly things as they can out of the prints, with stickers, markers, hole punches, buttons, pipe cleaner, whatever comes to mind. Some ideas, from obvious to less obvious: spider, octopus or squid, a face with crazy hair, a rooster (if that's the correct gender of the chicken with a neck waddle), a city with towers, a personalized glove (okay, that one's pretty obvious).
Old Clothes Recycling:
If outgrown clothes are too ratty too pass on to someone else, I won't ever throw them out. Cut some big shapes out and help your child sew them together for a personalized pillow on his bed. You'll be doing most of the work, it's true, but they will have fun stuffing it. Or keep it intact and stuff it to make a scarecrow or over sized doll. The softer stuff can be made into a fun pillow case or bag (a purse for girls), and if you don't want to get that crafty (or you're like me and can't sew to save your life) you can cut it into painting sponges. If all else fails, cut long strips out of all the clothes and have your child tie them together to make a long rope. This can be used to decorate a wall or a window, or can also be incorporated into a game for outside. I'm not sure of the game (this is a crafty idea post, not a physical activity post) but it might involve cowboys.....
I know these ideas aren't very conventional, but that's the point. I hope some of this stuff works for you, or you can tweak some of it to suit your own needs. Thanks for reading!
Toe Painting:
This is one of my favourite memories with J. We were finger painting and he sat in the paint. Fortunately, I had covered the entire floor plan (not just the floor) with newspaper and we were painting on several sheets of Bristol board. He got up and stepped in the paint, and started using his feet to create a masterpiece. He was slipping and sliding all over the place and it really wasn't a great picture, but it was a lot of fun. Caution: if you do this activity make sure you have plenty of old rags and towels for quick wiping, some wet and some dry. Also be sure to have a clear and protected path to the bath tub (I like to fill the bath tub before bringing out the paint, just to be extra sure).
Laundry Basket Ride:
A laundry basket is the perfect mode of transportation for a child of 1-3 years. Whether you have carpet or hard wood it slides along easily (I put it on a towel to protect wood though). It's basically a version of an indoor wagon, but the bending and stretching and pulling will give you a workout too, so you can reduce your gym time by ten minutes, at least. It's not much different than sailing along on a ride-on toy, but it's wacky enough that the kids will be thrilled.
Matching Games:
Cut out pictures from old magazines. Get a bunch of construction paper or baskets (tuppy dishes work well too) and have your child sort the pictures according to a theme. For younger children use something simple, like colours or animals. Older children will be challenged if they get a bunch of random pictures and have to come up with their own theme, like all women wearing blue, or things starting with S. Or you could also employ the older children to cut out the pictures for the younger ones.
Holiday Banners:
This is appropriate for whatever holiday is coming up, and a great way to spend an afternoon. Using construction paper or card stock, cut out several holiday shapes. We did one with eggs for Easter, but you can use ghosts for Halloween or wreaths and trees for Christmas. It's easier if you use a stencil to get many shapes at once, but do what you like. You will be placing them on a ribbon to hang as a banner, so the number of shapes depends on the length of your banner. Once the shapes are ready, have your children decorate them with markers, crayons, glitter glue, stickers, googly eyes, or whatever else they want to stick on there. Punch a hole in the top of each shape (you can stack them to do several at once) and string them along your ribbon. You can use string in a pinch, but a ribbon will hold the pieces in place while they're hanging more than a string will. Position them an equal distance apart and hang on a wall or in a door frame. As an alternative, you can cut your shapes from old greeting cards.
Play Dough Restaurant:
I came up with this one on a rainy day. There are only so many convincing animals I can make with play dough, so I went to the cupboard to find something unique. There was tons of stuff in there that goes well with play dough, so J and I started a pretend restaurant. We used old ice cube trays to make muffins, cookie cutters to make cookies (obviously), and other tuppy dishes to be molds for burgers and sandwiches. A dull butter knife or a ruler makes wonderful noodles after the dough is rolled out. I never understood why some people spend money on play dough "accessories," when things around the house work just as well and are free. Paper towel rolls, the flat bottom of dishes and shiny books can all be used to roll and shape the dough. We have also had a play dough library, bakery, movie store, pet shop and train station.
Tissue Paper Collage:
This is a fun and unique artsy project. You can buy tissue paper at any dollar store so go do that. Let your child rip it up as much as he wants, just be sure it all stays in a semblance of a neat pile so you can use it. Once you have amassed a collection of tissue bits, get a piece of paper. Any one will do, but the thicker it is the longer it will last. Get a paint brush and dip it in watered down craft glue (about 1/3 water, 2/3 glue). Have your child cover the paper with glue and start sticking. Eventually it will be mostly covered, but if there are blank areas water down the glue a bit more and dab it on them. Stick more pieces on until there is a finished masterpiece. If your child wants, you can wait until it's completely dry before dotting on more glue (watered or not) and attaching buttons or pom poms. There really is no point to this craft except to be crafty and pass time being creative, but consider it a version of modern and abstract art, and hang it with pride. You can also have your child do this on the front of greeting cards.
Sock Maze:
This is my nutty version of a homemade marble maze. Create a maze with books or toys on the floor. Then take turns rolling a balled up sock (I use clean ones but whatever floats your boat), trying to keep it inside the maze. Whoever completes the maze or gets the farthest wins.
Movie Madness:
I'm not a big fan of turning on the TV that much, so I try to convince my children that movies can be just as fun to sort as to watch. Okay, this is really only a cheater's way to finagle your kids into straightening the living room, but it's still fun and mentally stimulating. Open all your DVD cases and sort the empty ones into a pile. Close up the ones that have the correct movie in them and have one or two children stack them neatly in a place of your choosing. Then gather all your loose DVD's and race to see who can find the most matching ones. Everyone creates a separate pile of "found and filled" DVD cases, and can add them up at the end. Then have your kids stack those neatly too. Ten minutes, at least.
Popsicle Stick Furniture (or houses or cars or roads or...):
I bought a big box of craft sticks at the dollar store years ago and we still have 2/3 of the box, although we use them all the time. Get some glue and sticks and get thinking. Glue the sticks together to create 3D models, or break them into different sizes and glue them onto paper to form pictures. My boys are obsessed with cars so we tend to go a little crazy gluing sticks to stapled-together Bristol Board to make a town for the cars to drive through. Of course it's up to me to draw the stores and parks and all that, but it's fun. The only drawback is you can't fold it easily for storage......
Make Your Own Book:
Use pictures of your family and relatives or pictures from a magazine for this one. Get a bunch of construction paper and staple it together like a book. Then glue in pictures in a random order, and you or your child can write captions for the pictures. This can be a personal photo collection with captions or a funny story with random people.
Hand Print Stuff:
Get out the finger paint again. It's time to make some hand prints. Use whatever colours and paper you'd like, but let them dry fully. Then have your children make as many silly things as they can out of the prints, with stickers, markers, hole punches, buttons, pipe cleaner, whatever comes to mind. Some ideas, from obvious to less obvious: spider, octopus or squid, a face with crazy hair, a rooster (if that's the correct gender of the chicken with a neck waddle), a city with towers, a personalized glove (okay, that one's pretty obvious).
Old Clothes Recycling:
If outgrown clothes are too ratty too pass on to someone else, I won't ever throw them out. Cut some big shapes out and help your child sew them together for a personalized pillow on his bed. You'll be doing most of the work, it's true, but they will have fun stuffing it. Or keep it intact and stuff it to make a scarecrow or over sized doll. The softer stuff can be made into a fun pillow case or bag (a purse for girls), and if you don't want to get that crafty (or you're like me and can't sew to save your life) you can cut it into painting sponges. If all else fails, cut long strips out of all the clothes and have your child tie them together to make a long rope. This can be used to decorate a wall or a window, or can also be incorporated into a game for outside. I'm not sure of the game (this is a crafty idea post, not a physical activity post) but it might involve cowboys.....
I know these ideas aren't very conventional, but that's the point. I hope some of this stuff works for you, or you can tweak some of it to suit your own needs. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday 27 August 2013
Tomatoes
Last year we had a healthy crop of grape tomatoes in our garden. This year they are out of control. Apparently it's rare for tomatoes to reseed and grow year after year, but some do and ours were included. This year we have three times as many vines and about ten times as many tomatoes. I was planning on making homemade salsa and tomato sauce, and even picked up a few Mason jars for canning (jarring?). I have picked a total of forty tomatoes so far, but only 3 have made it to the freezer. I haven't made sauce or served tomatoes for dinner. I haven't had a tomato sandwich or even eaten any myself. They have all gone to E, my little tomato monster.
P and I picked a few last night, and left them on the counter to ripen before freezing. Unfortunately, they were the first thing E saw upon waking and that was his breakfast. Nothing else, just a bowl of tomatoes. He didn't want toast or anything, and no cereal, no yogurt. When he was done all he said was "More matoes?" and went outside to check the tomato plants himself. Turns out I'd left four on the vine, and he found those. Then he had a screaming fit because the rest were green. When I told him they weren't ripe, he started yelling at them to get ripe. It was fun.
I'm glad E likes tomatoes, so I'm not complaining about that. But sometimes I wish I got some tomatoes too. If I want my own tomatoes, I have to buy them from the grocery store and hide them in the fridge. I can only eat tomatoes when E is asleep. If he ever finds them in the fridge, I won't ingest another tomato in this lifetime.
It's very similar to J and my vanilla yogurt. I get large yogurt tubs for the kids because they go through so much of it, and the small ones for me because I prefer the fruity ones. I look forward to the three little vanilla ones in each package though, because it's kind of a treat. The problem is, I can never seem to find those three little vanilla yogurts. J takes them faster than I can put them away. I don't know why my mini yogurt cups are more appealing than a bowl of his own from a large container, but somehow they are. So I have to hide those as well, and also the packaging it comes in because J can read now and if he knows there were vanilla cups in there at one point, he will tear the kitchen apart looking for them.
So I can only eat those when both kids are asleep. Mind you with J going back to school I might be able to sneak in a forbidden yogurt during E's nap time now, along with my tomatoes and coffee. I suppose I should consider myself lucky though. Most kids who sneak food are sneaking junk food. Little hands dipped into the cookie jar leaving obvious crumbs all over the place, or a clandestine date with the chocolate ice cream. My children are sneaking tomatoes and yogurt. Still, I have a right to complain when I want those tomatoes and yogurt, right?
P and I picked a few last night, and left them on the counter to ripen before freezing. Unfortunately, they were the first thing E saw upon waking and that was his breakfast. Nothing else, just a bowl of tomatoes. He didn't want toast or anything, and no cereal, no yogurt. When he was done all he said was "More matoes?" and went outside to check the tomato plants himself. Turns out I'd left four on the vine, and he found those. Then he had a screaming fit because the rest were green. When I told him they weren't ripe, he started yelling at them to get ripe. It was fun.
I'm glad E likes tomatoes, so I'm not complaining about that. But sometimes I wish I got some tomatoes too. If I want my own tomatoes, I have to buy them from the grocery store and hide them in the fridge. I can only eat tomatoes when E is asleep. If he ever finds them in the fridge, I won't ingest another tomato in this lifetime.
It's very similar to J and my vanilla yogurt. I get large yogurt tubs for the kids because they go through so much of it, and the small ones for me because I prefer the fruity ones. I look forward to the three little vanilla ones in each package though, because it's kind of a treat. The problem is, I can never seem to find those three little vanilla yogurts. J takes them faster than I can put them away. I don't know why my mini yogurt cups are more appealing than a bowl of his own from a large container, but somehow they are. So I have to hide those as well, and also the packaging it comes in because J can read now and if he knows there were vanilla cups in there at one point, he will tear the kitchen apart looking for them.
So I can only eat those when both kids are asleep. Mind you with J going back to school I might be able to sneak in a forbidden yogurt during E's nap time now, along with my tomatoes and coffee. I suppose I should consider myself lucky though. Most kids who sneak food are sneaking junk food. Little hands dipped into the cookie jar leaving obvious crumbs all over the place, or a clandestine date with the chocolate ice cream. My children are sneaking tomatoes and yogurt. Still, I have a right to complain when I want those tomatoes and yogurt, right?
Back to reality
As I mentioned before, the kids were away at my mom's last week. I went up to meet them on Friday and we all went to a family reunion on Saturday, only to drive back home on Sunday. Five days of a different routine, followed by a busy weekend and hours of driving, only to come home and get back into the swing of things has taken a toll on all of us. I'm trying to be understanding here, but it's surprising to me that E is more adaptable than J. Yes, E's had a problem going to sleep in his own bed, but aside from that he's done pretty well.
J on the other hand, has been driving me (and everyone else) crazy for the past two days. I don't say this in the insulting sense, because he's deliberately trying to drive me nuts. I am acknowledging this fact and giving him a nod for a job well done. He's been fighting with everything I say, picking on his brother and blatantly ignoring the rules.
To illustrate, I will start with the first. I am anticipating a loud and angry "No" every time I open my mouth:
"Eat your dinner." "NO!"
"Let's tidy up our toys." "NO!"
"Want to go for a walk?" "NO!"
"Want some ice cream?" "NO! Wait a minute, that was an accident."
Now I have been trying to teach him that the rules are just as important at home as they are at school. At school, he's a different kid. No arguing, no distracted behaviour, no testing and no rudeness. I had to show his teacher a picture to make sure we were talking about the same child, come to think of it. I have also tried to impart that one of the biggest rules is he is not allowed to say no to me, unless it's an opinion question. No is okay if I ask him does he want a drink, but if I ask him to pick something up, he is not, under any circumstance, allowed to refuse. I am his mother and his job is to listen to me. So far, the message isn't being received.
Now on to his brother. E is extremely well-behaved for his age. He is almost two, and despite arguing with requests (I wonder where he picked that up) he will pay attention and listen. He also knows where everything goes and isn't happy unless things are the way they should be. He will close doors that are open, sort toys into their proper places and make sure everyone has pants on. He is prone to bouts of affection, when he comes to me wanting "Nuggles," and increasingly to J too. J was becoming more aware of how to treat E, and had stopped grabbing toys from him and crowding his space, but since we got back he has relapsed. Any toy that E has is snatched up by J within less than a minute, and he has taken to blocking his way and holding him in one place again when E wants to move. It's telling that one of E's first words was "space." J has had several Time Outs for this behaviour, and I know it's only been two days but I'm hoping that I see some improvement soon because every time J breaks the rules, E tries the same. Modelling good behaviour only works when it's good behaviour that is modeled, and right now J is not doing that at all.
That leads me to ignoring the rules. It's pretty standard (in our house at least) that we don't act rude, we don't try to hurt people and we aren't selfish. Well, J has been consistently rude and selfish, and his actions have led to his brother being hurt a couple times. It's just minor, but today when E reached for a toy, J knocked him down. Then he said (in a very mean tone), "No, you don't do that. That's MY car, not yours." By this time E was crying on the floor, because although he wasn't hurt his big brother had pushed him down and was now yelling at him.
This is just another example of routine changing and a retesting of the rules that have been established a thousand times, I know. It's still disheartening that we go through this every other week. I know from personal experience as a behavioural counsellor that this is normal and healthy, and that some children simply test more than others. J is a tester. He always will be. It's not his fault and it would be a lot worse if he didn't get consistency, but still. I wish just once instead of testing the rules that he's known for years, he would come home and say, "Mommy, I know the rules. I trust you that they haven't changed and I'm just going to follow them from now on." Wishful thinking maybe, but isn't it still a little bit possible?
J on the other hand, has been driving me (and everyone else) crazy for the past two days. I don't say this in the insulting sense, because he's deliberately trying to drive me nuts. I am acknowledging this fact and giving him a nod for a job well done. He's been fighting with everything I say, picking on his brother and blatantly ignoring the rules.
To illustrate, I will start with the first. I am anticipating a loud and angry "No" every time I open my mouth:
"Eat your dinner." "NO!"
"Let's tidy up our toys." "NO!"
"Want to go for a walk?" "NO!"
"Want some ice cream?" "NO! Wait a minute, that was an accident."
Now I have been trying to teach him that the rules are just as important at home as they are at school. At school, he's a different kid. No arguing, no distracted behaviour, no testing and no rudeness. I had to show his teacher a picture to make sure we were talking about the same child, come to think of it. I have also tried to impart that one of the biggest rules is he is not allowed to say no to me, unless it's an opinion question. No is okay if I ask him does he want a drink, but if I ask him to pick something up, he is not, under any circumstance, allowed to refuse. I am his mother and his job is to listen to me. So far, the message isn't being received.
Now on to his brother. E is extremely well-behaved for his age. He is almost two, and despite arguing with requests (I wonder where he picked that up) he will pay attention and listen. He also knows where everything goes and isn't happy unless things are the way they should be. He will close doors that are open, sort toys into their proper places and make sure everyone has pants on. He is prone to bouts of affection, when he comes to me wanting "Nuggles," and increasingly to J too. J was becoming more aware of how to treat E, and had stopped grabbing toys from him and crowding his space, but since we got back he has relapsed. Any toy that E has is snatched up by J within less than a minute, and he has taken to blocking his way and holding him in one place again when E wants to move. It's telling that one of E's first words was "space." J has had several Time Outs for this behaviour, and I know it's only been two days but I'm hoping that I see some improvement soon because every time J breaks the rules, E tries the same. Modelling good behaviour only works when it's good behaviour that is modeled, and right now J is not doing that at all.
That leads me to ignoring the rules. It's pretty standard (in our house at least) that we don't act rude, we don't try to hurt people and we aren't selfish. Well, J has been consistently rude and selfish, and his actions have led to his brother being hurt a couple times. It's just minor, but today when E reached for a toy, J knocked him down. Then he said (in a very mean tone), "No, you don't do that. That's MY car, not yours." By this time E was crying on the floor, because although he wasn't hurt his big brother had pushed him down and was now yelling at him.
This is just another example of routine changing and a retesting of the rules that have been established a thousand times, I know. It's still disheartening that we go through this every other week. I know from personal experience as a behavioural counsellor that this is normal and healthy, and that some children simply test more than others. J is a tester. He always will be. It's not his fault and it would be a lot worse if he didn't get consistency, but still. I wish just once instead of testing the rules that he's known for years, he would come home and say, "Mommy, I know the rules. I trust you that they haven't changed and I'm just going to follow them from now on." Wishful thinking maybe, but isn't it still a little bit possible?
Tuesday 20 August 2013
An issue for parents (and teens, tweens, boys, girls....)
I just finished writing an article about sexualization of youth in today's society. While I can't disclose anything specific I wrote about, doing the research made me think about many things, and I want to share my opinion on the topic.
The teenage dress code seems to be getting smaller. By that I mean skirts and shorts are shorter, shirts are shorter, tighter, and sometimes nonexistent. What passes for clothes nowadays could also pass for underwear. I was shocked by the shameless display of flesh before researching my article, and wondered why parents would let their girls dress that way. Then I got confused, because I started noticing that many parents were dressing the same way. What's worse is I've seen toddlers in this type of clothing, clearly designed to be sexy and provocative. A sexy toddler?
Unfortunately it can be seen everywhere. Most people are familiar with child beauty pageants, which openly define children, toddlers and even babies as appealing. It's not just about beauty anymore, it's about being desirable. Shouldn't we let our kids be kids before they start thinking about how "desirable" they are? In my opinion, this is an extremely dangerous trend, for girls and boys of all ages.
I can't discuss the trend further, without referring to my article so I would like to touch on a few things about parents, their children, and the parent-child relationship regarding this issue. Most parents know how their girls dress, and some even buy the clothing. This is true for young children anyhow, but as kids get older they start shopping on their own. Some parents have no idea what clothes their children are buying because the kids hide it. Other parents believe that it's out of their hands, because the girls are shopping on their own, perhaps earning their own money. And besides, isn't everyone dressing this way? What parent wants to see their child ostracized because she can't wear revealing, "cool" clothing? Or maybe in their insecurity parents are just letting it go, because they don't want to have yet another fight with their teen, or Heaven forbid, be old-fashioned.
I have a confession. I am old-fashioned. I embrace it. I hold on to the older ideals of family life (which is why my husband and I work so hard for me to stay at home) and I believe kids should have rules and boundaries. I believe that parents and guardians should be the most involved people in their children's lives, and I believe that the lasting lessons should also be taught by these people. I believe kids will try to get away with certain things at certain ages, and that parents need to be on top of it. I believe teenagers aren't old enough to know what they want or the consequences of their actions unless they are guided to think about it clearly. I believe that I will be one of the nosiest, involved and possibly overbearing mothers when my boys are teenagers, and I will know most, if not all, of what's going on in their lives. I also believe that if they don't like it, tough! I am their mother and I call the shots until they move out.
There are some things I want too, the main one being that when J and E are older they are comfortable to come talk to me. I may be old-fashioned but I will always try to understand from their perspectives. I want them to learn to think things through before making a decision, and I especially want them to know that their worth is not based on a high school definition based on what's popular at the time. In short, I want them to be confident and aware enough to make smart decisions, be true to themselves and talk to me when they need to.
I understand that sexy clothing is an issue more relevant to girls. I don't know for sure, but I don't think that J will ever come home in spankies and a tube top. Or E for that matter. But this trend will still affect them. It will determine the types of friends they have growing up, their definitions of what's normal and expected and their understanding about gender differences. It will also be apparent once they start dating. I don't know what the clothing trend is going to be in ten years, but I will not allow a girl in this house if she would be better suited for an almost-nude beach. Yes, Ive seen girls wearing so little clothing to school that this qualifies.
Now that you are aware of my opinion on the matter, I'll talk about some of the things we as parents can do to change, or guide our kids toward healthy choices. The way we dress is a direct reflection on ourselves, and although some parents may want their preteen girls sending a message of sexual availability to boys and men alike, I hope those parents are not in the majority.
The first thing we can do is talk. I'm a big fan of talking (ask anyone whose been stuck in a room with me for five minutes) and we need to teach our kids early that we want to talk to them. An early foundation will lead the way to lifelong communication. At least I hope so. I'm going on that philosophy, so I will tell you all if I'm right when the boys are in college. When they're young it's more about telling them things, and as they get older it becomes about questioning. We still have the right to tell a 17 year-old what to do, but it's more effective if we start with a question. Ask why your kids want to dress this way, and what statement they think they're making by doing it? Then ask if everyone else is making the same statement, and they might just realize that when everyone is saying the same thing, it doesn't qualify as much of a statement. It's also important with older kids to discuss the consequences of dressing this way. If they dress to be available, what happens when someone takes them too literally? Scaring teenagers with a possible reality is necessary, because reality is sometimes scary and we can't protect them from that forever.
Another important thing to remember is that while children grow and become more independent, it doesn't mean we should be less involved. Involvement simply takes a different form. Have your kids invite their friends over to your place. They will amuse themselves but it's a great chance for you to keep an eye on them and spot any red flags. Awareness is the key to involvement with older kids, and if something happens that makes you wonder, talk to your child about it privately later. You can also volunteer to drive friends to sports practice or a movie. Most parents are relieved when they get out of taxi service for a bunch of teenagers, but for me it will be another chance to supervise without seeming obvious. Know your kids friends. Know their parents. Be involved and aware and listen when they don't think you're listening.
At any age it's good to tell your child what their strengths are. They may be athletic, intelligent or extremely good at singing the Beatles a capello while performing on a unicycle. Whatever it is they are good at, encourage it. Celebrate with your child their achievements and they will develop a sense of pride in something outside appearance. Take some time to talk to them about their friends now. What is great about them? Who is their best friend and why? This will help children realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and start to evaluate people based on more than appearance. In ten years everyone will look different, and it's important to show your kid that personality traits are usually a bit more permanent than an appealing body.
One more thing we can do is take a look at ourselves. If parents are modelling age-inappropriate behaviour then of course our kids will follow. Question why you think you should be the "cool parent," and instead use your behaviour as an example of responsibility. Phases will pass if they are just phases, but if a child is taught that being "cool" is a priority, they will always follow the crowd. If they have appropriate role models, they will come back to reality once their phase has passed. As a parent, your kids aren't supposed to like you much of the time. If you offer sound advice and reasonable expectations, they will come to you again and again for advice, even if they hate what you say. Relax because they don't really hate you, they just think they do because they hate needing you. And they do need you.
Those are some of my thoughts on this trend of sexualization. Parents need to start young because kids are hit with the message young. Always be aware of what your children are exposed to, what they are trying and who they hang out with. Don't stop being involved because teenagers are older. Talk to them and guide them. Do you really want your son to grow up and think he will marry a supermodel? Or your daughter to grow up thinking her sole positive attribute is her appearance?
The teenage dress code seems to be getting smaller. By that I mean skirts and shorts are shorter, shirts are shorter, tighter, and sometimes nonexistent. What passes for clothes nowadays could also pass for underwear. I was shocked by the shameless display of flesh before researching my article, and wondered why parents would let their girls dress that way. Then I got confused, because I started noticing that many parents were dressing the same way. What's worse is I've seen toddlers in this type of clothing, clearly designed to be sexy and provocative. A sexy toddler?
Unfortunately it can be seen everywhere. Most people are familiar with child beauty pageants, which openly define children, toddlers and even babies as appealing. It's not just about beauty anymore, it's about being desirable. Shouldn't we let our kids be kids before they start thinking about how "desirable" they are? In my opinion, this is an extremely dangerous trend, for girls and boys of all ages.
I can't discuss the trend further, without referring to my article so I would like to touch on a few things about parents, their children, and the parent-child relationship regarding this issue. Most parents know how their girls dress, and some even buy the clothing. This is true for young children anyhow, but as kids get older they start shopping on their own. Some parents have no idea what clothes their children are buying because the kids hide it. Other parents believe that it's out of their hands, because the girls are shopping on their own, perhaps earning their own money. And besides, isn't everyone dressing this way? What parent wants to see their child ostracized because she can't wear revealing, "cool" clothing? Or maybe in their insecurity parents are just letting it go, because they don't want to have yet another fight with their teen, or Heaven forbid, be old-fashioned.
I have a confession. I am old-fashioned. I embrace it. I hold on to the older ideals of family life (which is why my husband and I work so hard for me to stay at home) and I believe kids should have rules and boundaries. I believe that parents and guardians should be the most involved people in their children's lives, and I believe that the lasting lessons should also be taught by these people. I believe kids will try to get away with certain things at certain ages, and that parents need to be on top of it. I believe teenagers aren't old enough to know what they want or the consequences of their actions unless they are guided to think about it clearly. I believe that I will be one of the nosiest, involved and possibly overbearing mothers when my boys are teenagers, and I will know most, if not all, of what's going on in their lives. I also believe that if they don't like it, tough! I am their mother and I call the shots until they move out.
There are some things I want too, the main one being that when J and E are older they are comfortable to come talk to me. I may be old-fashioned but I will always try to understand from their perspectives. I want them to learn to think things through before making a decision, and I especially want them to know that their worth is not based on a high school definition based on what's popular at the time. In short, I want them to be confident and aware enough to make smart decisions, be true to themselves and talk to me when they need to.
I understand that sexy clothing is an issue more relevant to girls. I don't know for sure, but I don't think that J will ever come home in spankies and a tube top. Or E for that matter. But this trend will still affect them. It will determine the types of friends they have growing up, their definitions of what's normal and expected and their understanding about gender differences. It will also be apparent once they start dating. I don't know what the clothing trend is going to be in ten years, but I will not allow a girl in this house if she would be better suited for an almost-nude beach. Yes, Ive seen girls wearing so little clothing to school that this qualifies.
Now that you are aware of my opinion on the matter, I'll talk about some of the things we as parents can do to change, or guide our kids toward healthy choices. The way we dress is a direct reflection on ourselves, and although some parents may want their preteen girls sending a message of sexual availability to boys and men alike, I hope those parents are not in the majority.
The first thing we can do is talk. I'm a big fan of talking (ask anyone whose been stuck in a room with me for five minutes) and we need to teach our kids early that we want to talk to them. An early foundation will lead the way to lifelong communication. At least I hope so. I'm going on that philosophy, so I will tell you all if I'm right when the boys are in college. When they're young it's more about telling them things, and as they get older it becomes about questioning. We still have the right to tell a 17 year-old what to do, but it's more effective if we start with a question. Ask why your kids want to dress this way, and what statement they think they're making by doing it? Then ask if everyone else is making the same statement, and they might just realize that when everyone is saying the same thing, it doesn't qualify as much of a statement. It's also important with older kids to discuss the consequences of dressing this way. If they dress to be available, what happens when someone takes them too literally? Scaring teenagers with a possible reality is necessary, because reality is sometimes scary and we can't protect them from that forever.
Another important thing to remember is that while children grow and become more independent, it doesn't mean we should be less involved. Involvement simply takes a different form. Have your kids invite their friends over to your place. They will amuse themselves but it's a great chance for you to keep an eye on them and spot any red flags. Awareness is the key to involvement with older kids, and if something happens that makes you wonder, talk to your child about it privately later. You can also volunteer to drive friends to sports practice or a movie. Most parents are relieved when they get out of taxi service for a bunch of teenagers, but for me it will be another chance to supervise without seeming obvious. Know your kids friends. Know their parents. Be involved and aware and listen when they don't think you're listening.
At any age it's good to tell your child what their strengths are. They may be athletic, intelligent or extremely good at singing the Beatles a capello while performing on a unicycle. Whatever it is they are good at, encourage it. Celebrate with your child their achievements and they will develop a sense of pride in something outside appearance. Take some time to talk to them about their friends now. What is great about them? Who is their best friend and why? This will help children realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and start to evaluate people based on more than appearance. In ten years everyone will look different, and it's important to show your kid that personality traits are usually a bit more permanent than an appealing body.
One more thing we can do is take a look at ourselves. If parents are modelling age-inappropriate behaviour then of course our kids will follow. Question why you think you should be the "cool parent," and instead use your behaviour as an example of responsibility. Phases will pass if they are just phases, but if a child is taught that being "cool" is a priority, they will always follow the crowd. If they have appropriate role models, they will come back to reality once their phase has passed. As a parent, your kids aren't supposed to like you much of the time. If you offer sound advice and reasonable expectations, they will come to you again and again for advice, even if they hate what you say. Relax because they don't really hate you, they just think they do because they hate needing you. And they do need you.
Those are some of my thoughts on this trend of sexualization. Parents need to start young because kids are hit with the message young. Always be aware of what your children are exposed to, what they are trying and who they hang out with. Don't stop being involved because teenagers are older. Talk to them and guide them. Do you really want your son to grow up and think he will marry a supermodel? Or your daughter to grow up thinking her sole positive attribute is her appearance?
Friday 9 August 2013
A week off....
My mom's taking the kids for a week soon. Normally, I would go spend the week with my mom too, but this time I've decided to stay home and have some time for myself. First, I will say that I'm slightly concerned about E. Of course my mom is more than capable and I know she'll show them a fun time, but E has been regressing somewhat in regards to separation anxiety. To avoid being too redundant, since I've written several times about his dependence on me, I will just say that it's nearly impossible for me to go out without him, even for twenty minutes. Or for him to go out and me to stay home.
This could be an interesting week for him, or he might surprise me and forget about me as soon as I leave. Either way, it will probably be good for him. The timing may be perfect or horrible, I'm not sure, but if he adjusts easily then perhaps when the week is over he will be a little less clingy with me.
I'm not concerned about J missing me. He's been sick of me for years and as long as I call to say good night every day he'll be fine.
With the kid concerns out of the way, now it's time to focus on myself. What on earth am I going to do for a week without my children to run around after? I have some ideas, for example, I intend to kill the back garden. There are weeds that look like lilies taking over my back yard, and every year they get worse. I have waged a war against them, but no matter how much I dig they just keep coming back. So I will spend a day leveling the garden then choking them off with plastic, before covering them with huge planters so they have nowhere to come back to. I also have a vine to annihilate at the side of our house, which has proven almost as stubborn as the ditch lilies. So that's one day taken care of.
I will be painting the doors, frames and cupboards upstairs. I wanted to do an interesting colour but white goes with everything else, so white it is. I'm not a very good painter, historically speaking, but that could be because painting while supervising two boys isn't a reasonable goal. I might be ten times improved if I'm here alone!
Two days down, three to go. I will be going to the gym every day, and actually getting long workouts. I've perfected the art of "efficient exercise," where I can burn 400 calories in 25 minutes. Think of what I could do if I had an hour. So my next goal for that week is to lose ten pounds.
I am going to take an entire day for scrap booking too. I've fallen horribly behind in both boys scrap books, and with eight hours I'm sure I can catch up. I will get up at 6, make coffee and get down to some serious cutting and pasting. That means I have to take a special trip first to develop recent pictures, but I can do that.
I still have two more days to fill, and since I've been complaining about lack of writing time, I have devoted those days to writing. I will again get up at 6 (hey, if I have the week to myself I'm not going to waste it by sleeping in) and start writing. I will stop writing to go to the gym or eat lunch, and maybe even make dinner, but that's it. Two whole days of just writing is the same as forever, because I'm used to grabbing five minutes here and ten minutes there. So my final plan for the week is to write a novel.
That covers my day times. I've saved a little money for my upcoming anniversary, so P and I might go out for dinner once or twice. I might even talk him into some mini golf. If not, we can finish the Walking Dead series or something.
What would you do with an entire week to yourself at home? I have planned my ideal week, and I'm sorry to say it's probably boring to most of you but for me it will be perfect. Now I have to go and start planning for next summer, when my mom might take the kids again.....
This could be an interesting week for him, or he might surprise me and forget about me as soon as I leave. Either way, it will probably be good for him. The timing may be perfect or horrible, I'm not sure, but if he adjusts easily then perhaps when the week is over he will be a little less clingy with me.
I'm not concerned about J missing me. He's been sick of me for years and as long as I call to say good night every day he'll be fine.
With the kid concerns out of the way, now it's time to focus on myself. What on earth am I going to do for a week without my children to run around after? I have some ideas, for example, I intend to kill the back garden. There are weeds that look like lilies taking over my back yard, and every year they get worse. I have waged a war against them, but no matter how much I dig they just keep coming back. So I will spend a day leveling the garden then choking them off with plastic, before covering them with huge planters so they have nowhere to come back to. I also have a vine to annihilate at the side of our house, which has proven almost as stubborn as the ditch lilies. So that's one day taken care of.
I will be painting the doors, frames and cupboards upstairs. I wanted to do an interesting colour but white goes with everything else, so white it is. I'm not a very good painter, historically speaking, but that could be because painting while supervising two boys isn't a reasonable goal. I might be ten times improved if I'm here alone!
Two days down, three to go. I will be going to the gym every day, and actually getting long workouts. I've perfected the art of "efficient exercise," where I can burn 400 calories in 25 minutes. Think of what I could do if I had an hour. So my next goal for that week is to lose ten pounds.
I am going to take an entire day for scrap booking too. I've fallen horribly behind in both boys scrap books, and with eight hours I'm sure I can catch up. I will get up at 6, make coffee and get down to some serious cutting and pasting. That means I have to take a special trip first to develop recent pictures, but I can do that.
I still have two more days to fill, and since I've been complaining about lack of writing time, I have devoted those days to writing. I will again get up at 6 (hey, if I have the week to myself I'm not going to waste it by sleeping in) and start writing. I will stop writing to go to the gym or eat lunch, and maybe even make dinner, but that's it. Two whole days of just writing is the same as forever, because I'm used to grabbing five minutes here and ten minutes there. So my final plan for the week is to write a novel.
That covers my day times. I've saved a little money for my upcoming anniversary, so P and I might go out for dinner once or twice. I might even talk him into some mini golf. If not, we can finish the Walking Dead series or something.
What would you do with an entire week to yourself at home? I have planned my ideal week, and I'm sorry to say it's probably boring to most of you but for me it will be perfect. Now I have to go and start planning for next summer, when my mom might take the kids again.....
Thursday 8 August 2013
Maybe I'm doing this backwards
Maybe it's the lack of structure during the summer, or the change in routine or the hot weather. Maybe it's something completely different, but J has been acting up again. I don't know where his brain is some days, because there is nothing about throwing a muffin across the room to see if it bounces off the wall and stays in one piece that seems like a good idea to me. Or scratching my knees with his toes every time he sits at the table to eat. Or standing on the seat of the bus to jump off into the aisle.
I know there will always be days of poor judgment, but this seems like pretty extreme poor judgment on a regular basis. I want to be positive and focus on the good things, but most of what I say to him has to be about correcting his behaviour. It's a negative pattern that neither of us like, but how necessary is it? I sometimes feel if he had a little less pressure that he would act more rationally (or safely). So I think about correcting him less and letting him do his thing. But then I look at other kids his age, who don't have to hang upside-down on the pool railings or climb the walls of the church where his day camp is held. Literally, he holds on to the furniture and walks his feet up the walls until he falls on his face. And then I go back to the corrections.
It's not really a matter of letting him do it and learning he's going to get hurt. He's been hurt numerous times from lack of common sense, and I see no improvement resulting from experience. But it seems like whenever I tell him something is inappropriate or unsafe, it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it doesn't even make it to the first ear....
Now as a former behavioural counsellor, I know that repetition and consistency are the mainstays of any communication. I'm just wondering how much repetition and consistency is necessary here, because he's much more impulsive than many other children I've seen. Sure, my family tells me, "he's fine, let him be a kid." But then I see children his own age who are quite capable of thinking things through before deciding to slam an ice cream cone in someone's face (he was "trying to distract his brother"). I'm just wondering when he's going to catch up.
I know there's nothing wrong with his brain. He's a good thinker when it comes to academic stuff. It's the normal decisions that are hard. I can talk him through it so he will come up with a reasonable alternative, but that takes a long time and a lot of effort for every choice throughout a day. If I don't though, he won't even think about the choices that he can make and do the first thing that pops into his head. There was nothing in my social work history about impulse control, because my former clients were not fully functioning children who were capable of it. J is a fully functioning child, and a very smart one as well, but I have days where I truly believe he's not capable of impulse control either.
When it gets really bad (like recently) I question what I've done wrong to make him so unprepared for "normal" behaviour. I can't come up with anything specific, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a horrible parent. He gets so upset when I'm disappointed, but that doesn't stop him from being impulsive. There is no answer he can give me for why he doesn't think things through. But it breaks my heart to see him so upset because he feels like a failure. So if anyone has any similar experience, or any way to help us out, please leave a comment. I am frustrated and J is sad and the more rules we come up with for him, the worse he gets. It's a Catch-22, because if I relax about the rules then he will hurt himself or his brother, and if I tighten up on the rules he will get sad and start talking about being a horrible boy who shouldn't have anyone. Yes, these are his own words. So I may or may not be doing things backwards, but I'm not sure which way to go from here. Major parental insecurity stage in progress.......
I know there will always be days of poor judgment, but this seems like pretty extreme poor judgment on a regular basis. I want to be positive and focus on the good things, but most of what I say to him has to be about correcting his behaviour. It's a negative pattern that neither of us like, but how necessary is it? I sometimes feel if he had a little less pressure that he would act more rationally (or safely). So I think about correcting him less and letting him do his thing. But then I look at other kids his age, who don't have to hang upside-down on the pool railings or climb the walls of the church where his day camp is held. Literally, he holds on to the furniture and walks his feet up the walls until he falls on his face. And then I go back to the corrections.
It's not really a matter of letting him do it and learning he's going to get hurt. He's been hurt numerous times from lack of common sense, and I see no improvement resulting from experience. But it seems like whenever I tell him something is inappropriate or unsafe, it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it doesn't even make it to the first ear....
Now as a former behavioural counsellor, I know that repetition and consistency are the mainstays of any communication. I'm just wondering how much repetition and consistency is necessary here, because he's much more impulsive than many other children I've seen. Sure, my family tells me, "he's fine, let him be a kid." But then I see children his own age who are quite capable of thinking things through before deciding to slam an ice cream cone in someone's face (he was "trying to distract his brother"). I'm just wondering when he's going to catch up.
I know there's nothing wrong with his brain. He's a good thinker when it comes to academic stuff. It's the normal decisions that are hard. I can talk him through it so he will come up with a reasonable alternative, but that takes a long time and a lot of effort for every choice throughout a day. If I don't though, he won't even think about the choices that he can make and do the first thing that pops into his head. There was nothing in my social work history about impulse control, because my former clients were not fully functioning children who were capable of it. J is a fully functioning child, and a very smart one as well, but I have days where I truly believe he's not capable of impulse control either.
When it gets really bad (like recently) I question what I've done wrong to make him so unprepared for "normal" behaviour. I can't come up with anything specific, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a horrible parent. He gets so upset when I'm disappointed, but that doesn't stop him from being impulsive. There is no answer he can give me for why he doesn't think things through. But it breaks my heart to see him so upset because he feels like a failure. So if anyone has any similar experience, or any way to help us out, please leave a comment. I am frustrated and J is sad and the more rules we come up with for him, the worse he gets. It's a Catch-22, because if I relax about the rules then he will hurt himself or his brother, and if I tighten up on the rules he will get sad and start talking about being a horrible boy who shouldn't have anyone. Yes, these are his own words. So I may or may not be doing things backwards, but I'm not sure which way to go from here. Major parental insecurity stage in progress.......
Thursday 1 August 2013
The Best Ever Tomato Soup (and Salad)
I saw a recipe a while back about Creamy Tomato Soup, and since I'm a relatively lazy cook (meaning I don't like to look for or at recipes), I decided to make it from memory. It took a while, but only because I chopped and seeded the tomatoes myself. If I hadn't, it would have been prepared in less than ten minutes and cooked in less than twenty. When you think about it, it takes about ten minutes to make the canned variety, so why not use the time to make a better and healthier version? The kids love it, and E calls it "ketchup soup," or "kepitch soup" in his words. Some crackers and bread, or in our case chicken on a bun, and it's a super healthy and treat like meal. Here's what I did:
1/4 cup diced onions
2 Tbsp. oil (I used olive)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup water (chicken broth if you prefer)
6 seeded and diced tomatoes, or 1 can of diced tomatoes
1 large or 2 small potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 tsp. basil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 bay leaves
6 tsp. white sugar
1 cup cream (I used 10%)
In a large pot, brown the onions and garlic in oil. Add water, tomatoes and potatoes. Stir in spices and sugar. Cook, covered, about fifteen minutes until tomatoes break down and potatoes are soft. Remove bay leaves. Blend (I used immersion blender, but I'm sure a food processor or blender works just as well). Add cream and stir, until heated through. Serve with grated or Parmesan cheese, if desired.
Here's another cheat. Have a Buffet Salad night. It takes a little prep, but I think it's worth it to get my boys eating so many vegetables. Wash and shred some lettuce (I use a mix of romaine and spinach, because head lettuce has zero nutrients). Put it in a big bowl, and fill a bunch of small bowls or Tupperware containers with salad extras. Some ideas: diced tomatoes, peas, corn, green onions (if you call it garlic, your children will probably at least try it), shredded or chopped carrots, celery, whatever veggies your kids eat. Then to make it really fun, add some fruit. Dice up some apples, berries and melon, and don't forget the raisins. If you're feeling really ambitious, offer up hard boiled eggs, chicken, tuna, chopped cheese or beef. Some fun extras are crushed nachoes, croutons, Goldfish crackers and crushed chips. Each family member with the requisite amount of lettuce can add whatever they want to their bowl. I give my kids a number: two added veggies, one fruit, one protein and one extra. To use the same idea (and all those leftover ingredients), have a "Wrap night" a day or two later. Repeat the process and wrap it up. Or throw it all in a big bowl with sour cream and salsa, and dip your nachoes. Your children just had salad for dinner, enjoyed it and want to do it again! Can you believe it? I still can't.......
1/4 cup diced onions
2 Tbsp. oil (I used olive)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup water (chicken broth if you prefer)
6 seeded and diced tomatoes, or 1 can of diced tomatoes
1 large or 2 small potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 tsp. basil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 bay leaves
6 tsp. white sugar
1 cup cream (I used 10%)
In a large pot, brown the onions and garlic in oil. Add water, tomatoes and potatoes. Stir in spices and sugar. Cook, covered, about fifteen minutes until tomatoes break down and potatoes are soft. Remove bay leaves. Blend (I used immersion blender, but I'm sure a food processor or blender works just as well). Add cream and stir, until heated through. Serve with grated or Parmesan cheese, if desired.
Here's another cheat. Have a Buffet Salad night. It takes a little prep, but I think it's worth it to get my boys eating so many vegetables. Wash and shred some lettuce (I use a mix of romaine and spinach, because head lettuce has zero nutrients). Put it in a big bowl, and fill a bunch of small bowls or Tupperware containers with salad extras. Some ideas: diced tomatoes, peas, corn, green onions (if you call it garlic, your children will probably at least try it), shredded or chopped carrots, celery, whatever veggies your kids eat. Then to make it really fun, add some fruit. Dice up some apples, berries and melon, and don't forget the raisins. If you're feeling really ambitious, offer up hard boiled eggs, chicken, tuna, chopped cheese or beef. Some fun extras are crushed nachoes, croutons, Goldfish crackers and crushed chips. Each family member with the requisite amount of lettuce can add whatever they want to their bowl. I give my kids a number: two added veggies, one fruit, one protein and one extra. To use the same idea (and all those leftover ingredients), have a "Wrap night" a day or two later. Repeat the process and wrap it up. Or throw it all in a big bowl with sour cream and salsa, and dip your nachoes. Your children just had salad for dinner, enjoyed it and want to do it again! Can you believe it? I still can't.......
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