Regression. There, I said it. And I'll say it again. Regression. That's what I'm facing with E lately. Sure, his development is going well, with talking and understanding and all the normal toddler stuff. He's a very smart child, and he loves to learn about new things.
But I'm talking about the separation anxiety. Maybe some of you remember my sleep diary, when I used sleep training and logged the results to teach him to go to sleep on his own. In case you don't, here's a refresher. I spent months and months enforcing a structured bedtime, using an adaptation of the cry-it-out method. I recorded weeks and weeks of it, but it took a long time. For the past four months or so, he's had no problems going to sleep, either for his nap or at bedtime. He's been the perfect little toddler as far as sleep is concerned. His naps are longer and he slept through the night. Until three days ago.
The back story began about a week ago. He became my cling-on. His mommy-radar must have been reset, because instead of happily playing with trains or riding his bike with me in the wings, he refused to be separated, even by two feet. I was either carrying him or walking around with him stuck to my ankle. I alternated days, so at least I got an arm workout one day and a leg workout the other. If I was sitting, he constantly tried to climb up on me and began a never ending refrain of "nuggle mommy," his way of saying "snuggle."
I thought it was the teething, because the poor child has had the same four teeth coming in for almost six months now. I don't know if that's what it is, but two nights ago he decided he wasn't going to be a good little sleeper anymore.I put him to bed, as per his usual routine. I named all his stuffed animals (there are nine) said good night to his Thomas poster and his baby animal poster, then to his taxi cab and airplane on the wall, put on his ceiling fan, noise maker (the Shush Machine) and his floor fan, and laid him down with Mr. Jones and Puddles (his two favourite toys). I let him hold my hand for 20 seconds (yes, I always count) and said good night, bed time, lie down, good night, I love you. That's the routine after reading and teeth brushing. It's the same every night.
The problem three days ago was his sense of entitlement. He thought it was completely reasonable to fall asleep with my hand on his pillow, which I can't say I agree with. He immediately started screaming, "Mommy hand, Mommy hand, nuggle hand, Eddie nuggle Mommy hand!" He was very upset, but I stuck to what I did in sleep training, which was to go in every five minutes or so and reinforce that it's bedtime, go to sleep. It lasted an hour. That's not the kind of deja vu I like.
The next day he tried to convince me all day that Mommy's hand is not Mommy's hand, but Eddie's hand. Again, I don't agree, but I'll give him an A+ for dedication. Unfortunately for all of us, I had to take J to his swimming lessons and have Daddy do bedtime. He started crying before I left, saying "Eddie coming," and when I returned an hour later he was in his crib screaming about Mommy's hand, Eddie's hand. That was last night and tonight wasn't much better.
E's turning two soon. Apparently separation anxiety was supposed to peak at 18 months, and decrease from there. I already know my boys don't like to follow the normal rules when it comes to what's average, so I have decided that I'm not going to be fooled into a false sense of accomplishment again. When J is eighteen, I will still be waiting for him to give me one more argument about how I'm unfair and I've lost all my privileges for the next 190 years. When E is eighteen, I can expect something similar, because I'm sure he won't want to be falling asleep holding my hand every night then.
I have had a realization though. My husband, P, feels bad sometimes when E seems to prefer me, like last night at bedtime or any time I leave the house without him. E pulled the crying today at day care while I went to the gym, but only for as long as he could see me. Then he was fine. So I figured out that E crying when I go is not because he doesn't have fun with Daddy, but because he's so used to me being home. He associates me with home, and he will happily play with Daddy for hours if he knows I'm upstairs napping. It's only when he knows I'm leaving he has a problem, because apparently Mommy is not supposed to go out, at least not without him. So my conclusion is, I need to go out more. Perhaps I will commit to two nights a week when I go out for an after dinner coffee, just me, alone with a book or my laptop. It's a great excuse. Here comes the separation training......
Friday 26 July 2013
Tuesday 23 July 2013
I told you yoga was fun!
I made a deal with J earlier this year. He would try yoga for at least two classes this summer, and then if he didn't like it we would let him stop. He complained so much that you'd think I was torturing him, and this was three months before the classes even started I kept telling him he would like it and it's beneficial for a number of reasons, and he kept telling me yoga stinks, he wants Judo. The only problem with that is they don't offer martial arts for his age group during the summer, so that one has to wait until September.
Now here we are, two classes in and he won't even hear of me taking him out of the classes. He absolutely loves it. Of course I'm not surprised, but of course he's telling me I shouldn't have worried about him hating it. I can put up with the innocent hypocrisy only because of how good yoga is for him.
J is a typical boy, in that he loves to run around and get crazy. He likes to play in any way that allows him to get his energy out, and it's great that he's so active. I'm glad he's a busy boy and he needs no help to get moving. He does, however, need some help slowing down. Schools have become much more understanding in that they allow kids plenty of free time and space while they're learning, but there will come a year when J has to sit still at a desk and concentrate. As with most boys, he finds that difficult. Yoga will teach him how to be still without being impatient, and hopefully help him concentrate when he's not so comfortable.
I've told him this, and he "gets it." I've also told him that yoga is a great way to deal with anger, because he can take what he learns in class and apply it to his moods. Maybe I didn't elaborate enough though, because the other day he got angry with E and struck a Tree pose. That's one way to break the mood, I suppose, but I explained that it's more of getting back that calm feeling, rather than contorting ourselves to end an argument.
Now I'm not sure if J will still want to do Judo when it comes available. He likes yoga so much he may want to stick with that. I'm okay with whatever one he chooses, because both rely on similar principles and both will help him learn important life skills. I've even implemented yoga time at home, so we can all relax and get back to normal. E does it with us too, but I think the meditation aspect is lost on him still. I'm not bothered, because at least he's in one place and listening, which is a great start.
Now here we are, two classes in and he won't even hear of me taking him out of the classes. He absolutely loves it. Of course I'm not surprised, but of course he's telling me I shouldn't have worried about him hating it. I can put up with the innocent hypocrisy only because of how good yoga is for him.
J is a typical boy, in that he loves to run around and get crazy. He likes to play in any way that allows him to get his energy out, and it's great that he's so active. I'm glad he's a busy boy and he needs no help to get moving. He does, however, need some help slowing down. Schools have become much more understanding in that they allow kids plenty of free time and space while they're learning, but there will come a year when J has to sit still at a desk and concentrate. As with most boys, he finds that difficult. Yoga will teach him how to be still without being impatient, and hopefully help him concentrate when he's not so comfortable.
I've told him this, and he "gets it." I've also told him that yoga is a great way to deal with anger, because he can take what he learns in class and apply it to his moods. Maybe I didn't elaborate enough though, because the other day he got angry with E and struck a Tree pose. That's one way to break the mood, I suppose, but I explained that it's more of getting back that calm feeling, rather than contorting ourselves to end an argument.
Now I'm not sure if J will still want to do Judo when it comes available. He likes yoga so much he may want to stick with that. I'm okay with whatever one he chooses, because both rely on similar principles and both will help him learn important life skills. I've even implemented yoga time at home, so we can all relax and get back to normal. E does it with us too, but I think the meditation aspect is lost on him still. I'm not bothered, because at least he's in one place and listening, which is a great start.
Mommy's getting in shape
With everything going on this summer it's a wonder I've found time to breathe, let alone get to the gym. It's only because the YMCA makes child care so convenient that I've been able to get in some exercise. Oh, it's also because we've signed up for a year membership and I can't stand to waste money by not going. There are several programs for J's age group that are free so I don't have to pay for his child care too, and that's a bonus.
That said, it's still a struggle some days to schedule everything so we can make it. There are play dates, nap time and dinner preparation to work around, but I have been going at least three times a week. If it's only for twenty minutes, then I make it the most worthwhile twenty minutes I can.
I've also found easy ways to add to my minutes every day. I pulled my stationary bike out to the play room and will cycle for five minutes here and there. I try to get in fifteen that way. It also helps that J's in yoga now (read my yoga post for more on that) and he enjoys "teaching" me new poses. E finds yoga very amusing too, and he'll either stand and cheer for us or do the moves himself. His favourite is downward dog, while J's favourite is cobra. For the record, my favourite is the bosai tree. If I do situps, I can split up my three sets so it's no time at all to get them in. I also put E in his stroller sometimes and go for short walks. I limit this though, because I don't want to foster laziness. He is capable of walking so I believe he should walk, but when I need the activity I will strap him in for a short stroll.
I lost eight pounds in the first two weeks of going to the gym, but none since then. It's okay though, because I know it will come off and I am getting smaller. I feel better too. I have much more energy during the day and my clothes fit better.
It's hard to fit in time to get healthy, but for all you parents out there who want to and can't seem to find the time, you just need some creativity. If you don't have a gym membership, run in place for five minutes at home or around your backyard. It will make your kids laugh and encourage them to be active with you. Or do jumping jacks or pushups. If you can find six times to do this every day, all of a sudden you've put in half an hour of exercise.
That said, it's still a struggle some days to schedule everything so we can make it. There are play dates, nap time and dinner preparation to work around, but I have been going at least three times a week. If it's only for twenty minutes, then I make it the most worthwhile twenty minutes I can.
I've also found easy ways to add to my minutes every day. I pulled my stationary bike out to the play room and will cycle for five minutes here and there. I try to get in fifteen that way. It also helps that J's in yoga now (read my yoga post for more on that) and he enjoys "teaching" me new poses. E finds yoga very amusing too, and he'll either stand and cheer for us or do the moves himself. His favourite is downward dog, while J's favourite is cobra. For the record, my favourite is the bosai tree. If I do situps, I can split up my three sets so it's no time at all to get them in. I also put E in his stroller sometimes and go for short walks. I limit this though, because I don't want to foster laziness. He is capable of walking so I believe he should walk, but when I need the activity I will strap him in for a short stroll.
I lost eight pounds in the first two weeks of going to the gym, but none since then. It's okay though, because I know it will come off and I am getting smaller. I feel better too. I have much more energy during the day and my clothes fit better.
It's hard to fit in time to get healthy, but for all you parents out there who want to and can't seem to find the time, you just need some creativity. If you don't have a gym membership, run in place for five minutes at home or around your backyard. It will make your kids laugh and encourage them to be active with you. Or do jumping jacks or pushups. If you can find six times to do this every day, all of a sudden you've put in half an hour of exercise.
Tuesday 9 July 2013
Family Vacation
We had our family vacation the first week of July this summer, which explains the long absence from my blog. I am sorry about that. Since we are a single-income family (which definitely qualifies us as frugal), we had an economy holiday. We spent the weekend at the trailer on my parents farm, which is just land really, because no one actually lives there. Correction, some very friendly cows live there. No relation to me though; the farmer rents the space.
The week was fun. The trailer is definitely better-equipped than most hotel rooms, with a fridge, freezer, stove and air conditioning (although the A/C wasn't working). There was a huge field for the kids to play in too, and sand pits and cows to socialize with. We spent most of the week at my mom's place though, because the kids needed some quality time with her. It was a great week to slow down and just enjoy each other.
We visited the town I grew up in for a day, and the kids played at the park. We also went out for lunch and to a café that has the best cupcakes known to man. I was able to shows my family al the spots that have been there since I was a kid, and tell them what was new. My husband and J also found a bait shop, which was reportedly very good. P suggested E and I remain in the car, because he was only going to be "a minute." At least I got to dance and make silly faces in the parking lot to amuse E for fifteen minutes (I probably also amused everyone driving by on the busy road).
We also got to take in small town fireworks for Canada Day. The fireworks weren't small though. The demonstration lasted over twenty minutes and was spectacular. E wasn't a fan, but at least he didn't cry. J thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, but that was soon to be replaced by another best thing.
Which brings me to Go Karting. I can't decide what my favourite part of the week was, but this was definitely a contender. I left E with my mom (he was napping anyway), and J and I went to the race track. Well, a version of a race track. J is still too short to go on his own, but it gave me a great excuse to get in a Go Kart after about 18 years. Wow, I'm old. Moving on, we bought the maximum time, which is fifteen minutes. It was ridiculously expensive, but sometimes that's okay. J said he was impressed with my driving skills, and I was too, to be honest. The last time I went Go Karting I drove into the forest. That's when they put the tire barrier all the way around the track, but I still didn't go back. There's something embarrassing about being so bad that the entire history of local Go Karting changed because of me...... I digress. I didn't crash this time and J was impressed that I stayed on the track. We sprung for ice cream after, and J's cone fell apart in the car. That was another fun memory.
E had fun too. He couldn't get enough of the beach at my mom's place. He enjoyed running around and playing, and he liked the ice cream too. Of course I got some for him as well. He liked the various parks we went to and learned how to jump in the lake with a life jacket on. It was more a matter of walking until the dock stopped and he fell in, but it was still fun.
Now that the vacation is over, it's time for summer to continue. I spent the day today calling various mothers of J's friends and arranging play dates and get togethers for the month of July. I filled the calendar with camp days and visits and park days and everything else I could think of. Only six and a half weeks left of summer. Not enough time!!!
The week was fun. The trailer is definitely better-equipped than most hotel rooms, with a fridge, freezer, stove and air conditioning (although the A/C wasn't working). There was a huge field for the kids to play in too, and sand pits and cows to socialize with. We spent most of the week at my mom's place though, because the kids needed some quality time with her. It was a great week to slow down and just enjoy each other.
We visited the town I grew up in for a day, and the kids played at the park. We also went out for lunch and to a café that has the best cupcakes known to man. I was able to shows my family al the spots that have been there since I was a kid, and tell them what was new. My husband and J also found a bait shop, which was reportedly very good. P suggested E and I remain in the car, because he was only going to be "a minute." At least I got to dance and make silly faces in the parking lot to amuse E for fifteen minutes (I probably also amused everyone driving by on the busy road).
We also got to take in small town fireworks for Canada Day. The fireworks weren't small though. The demonstration lasted over twenty minutes and was spectacular. E wasn't a fan, but at least he didn't cry. J thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, but that was soon to be replaced by another best thing.
Which brings me to Go Karting. I can't decide what my favourite part of the week was, but this was definitely a contender. I left E with my mom (he was napping anyway), and J and I went to the race track. Well, a version of a race track. J is still too short to go on his own, but it gave me a great excuse to get in a Go Kart after about 18 years. Wow, I'm old. Moving on, we bought the maximum time, which is fifteen minutes. It was ridiculously expensive, but sometimes that's okay. J said he was impressed with my driving skills, and I was too, to be honest. The last time I went Go Karting I drove into the forest. That's when they put the tire barrier all the way around the track, but I still didn't go back. There's something embarrassing about being so bad that the entire history of local Go Karting changed because of me...... I digress. I didn't crash this time and J was impressed that I stayed on the track. We sprung for ice cream after, and J's cone fell apart in the car. That was another fun memory.
E had fun too. He couldn't get enough of the beach at my mom's place. He enjoyed running around and playing, and he liked the ice cream too. Of course I got some for him as well. He liked the various parks we went to and learned how to jump in the lake with a life jacket on. It was more a matter of walking until the dock stopped and he fell in, but it was still fun.
Now that the vacation is over, it's time for summer to continue. I spent the day today calling various mothers of J's friends and arranging play dates and get togethers for the month of July. I filled the calendar with camp days and visits and park days and everything else I could think of. Only six and a half weeks left of summer. Not enough time!!!
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