I was a behavioural counselor for years in various group homes for children, teenagers, and adults with mental disorders. I learned that routines are important for stabilizing behaviour and creating (more) peaceful days. So of course when my first child was born I was ready to take the same concept and apply it at home.
For the most part, it has been successful. The daily routines we have in place are borne out of necessity, such as the breakfast routine or the quiet time routine (if you don't have a quiet time routine, make one). The downside is that my children are now so used to their routines that when they are disrupted, there are problems.
Take when my oldest started Junior Kindergarten last year, as an example. He has never been in day care so I was concerned about his behaviour in the classroom under someone else's supervision. I should have worried about the change in routine instead. The teachers in his school all love him and he behaves like an angel (I don't see that at home, but that will be a topic for another day).
The change in what he was used to led to all sorts of behavioural problems at home. All of a sudden, the boy who knew that arguing and attitude were wrong, began arguing and giving attitude. He was also so tired at the end of a school day that he couldn't keep it together emotionally. There were tantrums aplenty and lots of hurt feelings over minor things. That was compounded by the fact that all the other kids he met had different rules at home, and he began to copy their behaviour to test it out with us. It was a fun year.
Many parents can relate I'm sure. Not all families are about routine, and some kids are just more flexible than others when it comes to a big change, but most children will be affected somewhat. When you're ready to throw your hands up and yell, remember that it is normal and healthy to act up when there's a disruption in the familiar.
Young children take years to learn about rules and limits. A parent or caregiver establishes the rules,
and the child will need to test that. I have never met a child who follows every rule that they hear. They need to test out the consequences for breaking it, and then they need to break that rule again to see that the consequences will be the same. Repetition is the way that children store information, and they will eventually develop automatic behaviour with consistency.
That being said, it seems to go on forever. My oldest was just acting in a stable and predictable manner when he started school and all that testing began again. It took until December for him to get back to normal, and then Christmas break put us back at square one. Then again at March break, and then it was summer holidays. Year two was just as difficult at the beginning of school, but he seems to have gotten over it slightly quicker this year. So he's adjusting but it's taking a while.
The same goes for any big change in the every day for children. Starting a new day care, moving to a different residence, parents going back to work, etc. The possibilities are endless. Remember that whatever your kids throw at you, be consistent and it will pass. It may take a year or four, but it will pass. And speaking from personal experience, having a meltdown and going crazy because you're sick of the testing is common, but will not help your children. Unless it's consistent.
Monday 31 December 2012
Sunday 23 December 2012
Mom Resolutions
It is coming close to that time of year when Christmas is over and there are seven short days to decide on a New Year's resolution. Some people like me have it easier than others, because we failed at our resolution last year so here we go again. Losing 25 pounds is a recurring resolution for me. But instead of personal resolutions, let's focus on some parenting resolutions.
I have already resolved to carry out this act of kindness thing that seems so popular now. I always try to be good to others, but now it is a cultural trend with all the books and websites about it. Since this was already part of my lifestyle, I have decided to blog about it to show people that it really is easy to implement, and there is no need it has to be a great, unheard of idea. It is quite simple actually, and I include it here because I want my children to know that it is a natural part of being a good person. It is not anything new in our family to do nice things for others, because my children will grow up knowing that we try to be nice whenever we can, just because we can. So check out my new blog Jan, 1/13, to see how I am making people smile one day at a time. www.niceadaybyday.blogspot.com
On the more personal side of things, here are my resolutions for just my family and myself:
1. I resolve to take a deep breath before I start yelling at my kids. This will serve two purposes. If I am yelling for no good reason, I can take a moment to change my approach. If I am yelling for a good reason, it will be much more effective if it has breath behind it.
2. I resolve to count the number of vegetable servings my children have each day. I know I am able to do this, because it is usually only one or two (I have very picky eaters). That's easy enough for me to remember. The fruit servings will be counted next year.
3. I resolve to get the number of vegetable servings up to three by the end of 2013. If this means I serve peas for breakfast or put broccoli in their grilled cheese, I will do it. I can count to three almost as easily as 2.
4. I resolve to teach by example. I will be aware of my tone and volume as much as I can, even when I am upset. I will verbalize when I am frustrated and allow my children to see my attempts to calm down. I will reinforce that this is the way to deal with our emotions in a healthy way, and if I do throw a temper tantrum, my kids get a free pass for meltdowns for the rest of the day. And I will eat three servings of vegetables a day
Those are my parenting resolutions. I think they are good ones. Feel free to borrow mine, or share your thoughts on your own. I would love to hear how everyone plans on parenting in the new year, unless you are already perfect and don't plan any changes. In that case, please let me know your secret.
I have already resolved to carry out this act of kindness thing that seems so popular now. I always try to be good to others, but now it is a cultural trend with all the books and websites about it. Since this was already part of my lifestyle, I have decided to blog about it to show people that it really is easy to implement, and there is no need it has to be a great, unheard of idea. It is quite simple actually, and I include it here because I want my children to know that it is a natural part of being a good person. It is not anything new in our family to do nice things for others, because my children will grow up knowing that we try to be nice whenever we can, just because we can. So check out my new blog Jan, 1/13, to see how I am making people smile one day at a time. www.niceadaybyday.blogspot.com
On the more personal side of things, here are my resolutions for just my family and myself:
1. I resolve to take a deep breath before I start yelling at my kids. This will serve two purposes. If I am yelling for no good reason, I can take a moment to change my approach. If I am yelling for a good reason, it will be much more effective if it has breath behind it.
2. I resolve to count the number of vegetable servings my children have each day. I know I am able to do this, because it is usually only one or two (I have very picky eaters). That's easy enough for me to remember. The fruit servings will be counted next year.
3. I resolve to get the number of vegetable servings up to three by the end of 2013. If this means I serve peas for breakfast or put broccoli in their grilled cheese, I will do it. I can count to three almost as easily as 2.
4. I resolve to teach by example. I will be aware of my tone and volume as much as I can, even when I am upset. I will verbalize when I am frustrated and allow my children to see my attempts to calm down. I will reinforce that this is the way to deal with our emotions in a healthy way, and if I do throw a temper tantrum, my kids get a free pass for meltdowns for the rest of the day. And I will eat three servings of vegetables a day
Those are my parenting resolutions. I think they are good ones. Feel free to borrow mine, or share your thoughts on your own. I would love to hear how everyone plans on parenting in the new year, unless you are already perfect and don't plan any changes. In that case, please let me know your secret.
Thursday 20 December 2012
Kids and commercials
I remember when we had good old cable, and all the Treehouse shows. Bob the Builder with advertisements for the latest toy tool sets, or Chuggington with the advertisements for all the new train tracks. I don't know why toy manufacturers think it's necessary to develop 18 different track sets, all with specific trains that don't go on other tracks, and then advertise them all on the same channel so kids want every single one.
Ah commercialism. Those were also the days my oldest son wanted everything new and fancy that he saw. The days when he didn't like his brand new toy because he just saw a brand newer one on TV. The days when "I want" were heard throughout the household approximately every six minutes. Those were also the days that the Wish List for Christmas changed at least twice a day in December. It took some finagling to get him back to his original Wish List before Santa came.
Now we have Netflix. For those who don't know much about it, here are the basics. It costs $8 a month. It doesn't feature the new shows or seasons, but it has a lot of very popular ones that are one or two seasons old. It also has hundreds (maybe thousands) of movies. After you have watched a few shows it will take the information and develop a rating system based on what you like to watch, so if you are looking for a movie and Netfliz thinks it will suit you, it will show four or five stars. It also gives recommendations based on the rating system. Best of all, there are no commercials.
Since getting Netflix, my five year old has been appreciating his toys more. He has always been limited in the television that he watches, but even with only one hour a day of kids shows, it worked out to about twenty minutes of advertising. That's twenty minutes of new cars and trucks, trains and tracks, video games and websites. Now an hour a day means he gets to watch an hour of programming, which I think is better.
He will remain excited about a new toy for months now, instead of wishing he bought something else instead that same day. When he gets sick of playing with a toy, instead of automatically thinking of a new one to ask for, he will spend his time in creative pursuits, like drawing or writing. He is an avid reader too. The point is, instead of relying on the newest products to feel amused, he can now use his imagination to find ways to entertain himself.
There is also the food aspect of commercials. I'm sure everyone has seen a commercial about a hamburger or cinnamon bun and then wanted it, needed it, had to have it now. Kids television promotes restaurants like McDonalds and food like chicken nuggets or Tater Tots. Now that my boys don't see that every day, I am relieved of the constant requests for more junk food. It makes it much easier to convince them that real food is normal, and takeout or convenience food is best left for treats, and only once in a while. Try telling a kid who sees a chicken McNugget five times a day that it's not normal to have it every day. That conversation can never end well.
Our family as a whole doesn't watch TV that much, so it made sense to save $50 a month and switch from cable. I never considered how the commercials affected my oldest boy until afterward, when he stopped asking for so much and began to get creative about playing. I realized I was doing him a great disservice by not worrying about the commercials he saw regularly. Limiting TV time and controlling the shows he watched was only one part of the equation.
I am always glad I'm so miserly and concerned about saving money. There are moments when I get a great deal and mentally congratulate myself. This is just another example of how being frugal can have other, more significant benefits. Go Netflix!
Ah commercialism. Those were also the days my oldest son wanted everything new and fancy that he saw. The days when he didn't like his brand new toy because he just saw a brand newer one on TV. The days when "I want" were heard throughout the household approximately every six minutes. Those were also the days that the Wish List for Christmas changed at least twice a day in December. It took some finagling to get him back to his original Wish List before Santa came.
Now we have Netflix. For those who don't know much about it, here are the basics. It costs $8 a month. It doesn't feature the new shows or seasons, but it has a lot of very popular ones that are one or two seasons old. It also has hundreds (maybe thousands) of movies. After you have watched a few shows it will take the information and develop a rating system based on what you like to watch, so if you are looking for a movie and Netfliz thinks it will suit you, it will show four or five stars. It also gives recommendations based on the rating system. Best of all, there are no commercials.
Since getting Netflix, my five year old has been appreciating his toys more. He has always been limited in the television that he watches, but even with only one hour a day of kids shows, it worked out to about twenty minutes of advertising. That's twenty minutes of new cars and trucks, trains and tracks, video games and websites. Now an hour a day means he gets to watch an hour of programming, which I think is better.
He will remain excited about a new toy for months now, instead of wishing he bought something else instead that same day. When he gets sick of playing with a toy, instead of automatically thinking of a new one to ask for, he will spend his time in creative pursuits, like drawing or writing. He is an avid reader too. The point is, instead of relying on the newest products to feel amused, he can now use his imagination to find ways to entertain himself.
There is also the food aspect of commercials. I'm sure everyone has seen a commercial about a hamburger or cinnamon bun and then wanted it, needed it, had to have it now. Kids television promotes restaurants like McDonalds and food like chicken nuggets or Tater Tots. Now that my boys don't see that every day, I am relieved of the constant requests for more junk food. It makes it much easier to convince them that real food is normal, and takeout or convenience food is best left for treats, and only once in a while. Try telling a kid who sees a chicken McNugget five times a day that it's not normal to have it every day. That conversation can never end well.
Our family as a whole doesn't watch TV that much, so it made sense to save $50 a month and switch from cable. I never considered how the commercials affected my oldest boy until afterward, when he stopped asking for so much and began to get creative about playing. I realized I was doing him a great disservice by not worrying about the commercials he saw regularly. Limiting TV time and controlling the shows he watched was only one part of the equation.
I am always glad I'm so miserly and concerned about saving money. There are moments when I get a great deal and mentally congratulate myself. This is just another example of how being frugal can have other, more significant benefits. Go Netflix!
Christmas wrapping conundrums
I have a confession. I am hopeless at wrapping presents. My kids can always tell which ones I have wrapped because they are so messy, with tape everywhere, bulges at the corners, and uneven lines. I feel a little bad at Christmas time over this, but I can't dwell on it. I give myself maybe a minute to think it over, and then forget about it and keep wrapping.
I don't know why my present wrapping skills are so undeveloped. I have had plenty of experience, and I'm just not improving. Here's why it doesn't bother me though.
I know children like to unwrap presents, rather than pluck them out from a gift bag. I have done the gift bags before, but it's just not the same. They are too expensive besides. I know I can collect all the ones I get from other people is not an issue, but I can never find them when I need them. And recycling gift bags means that I may not have the right size when I need it. Giving someone a small book in a bag that could fit an elephant or hippo seems silly. And I always have to buy tissue paper, which defeats the purpose of saving money.
Wrapping paper is also expensive, so I usually don't go in for that (although my husband would rather see a neat and tidy gift in pretty paper). Most of the gifts I wrap come in recycled newspaper or flyers. I justify this to my nieces and nephews by telling them it was going to be recycled anyhow, so I may as well use it first. I am teaching them about sustainability and re-purposing. And newspaper doesn't call so much attention to the sloppy wrapping job. I comfort myself with the fact that when they are older, they will appreciate that there is something different about their auntie's gifts, even if it is the packaging. I like to be unique.
Similarly, I try to use current flyers for adult presents. I always circle the great deals before wrapping, and try to be considerate of personal interests. For example, if my sister buys a lot of infant formula I will circle the advertised sale for that formula, so she knows where to buy it and when. I think it is a nice bonus to the gift that's inside.
I don't have to tell you again that I like cutting corners to keep costs down. So instead of buying expensive gift tags I pull out my trusty Sharpie. Yes, I Sharpie the names on top of the presents instead of using gift tags. If I am feeling extravagant I might even put a smiley face or a holiday greeting on it as well.
So when Christmas comes and it's the Evening To Wrap Gifts, I gather all my recycled and cheap tools and go to it. No one has ever complained before about the messy job, or the fact that their names are written on the paper, or even that it comes in the weekly news. It could be that people are more charitable and forgiving at Christmas time, but it could also be that no one thinks of this stuff but me.
I don't know why my present wrapping skills are so undeveloped. I have had plenty of experience, and I'm just not improving. Here's why it doesn't bother me though.
I know children like to unwrap presents, rather than pluck them out from a gift bag. I have done the gift bags before, but it's just not the same. They are too expensive besides. I know I can collect all the ones I get from other people is not an issue, but I can never find them when I need them. And recycling gift bags means that I may not have the right size when I need it. Giving someone a small book in a bag that could fit an elephant or hippo seems silly. And I always have to buy tissue paper, which defeats the purpose of saving money.
Wrapping paper is also expensive, so I usually don't go in for that (although my husband would rather see a neat and tidy gift in pretty paper). Most of the gifts I wrap come in recycled newspaper or flyers. I justify this to my nieces and nephews by telling them it was going to be recycled anyhow, so I may as well use it first. I am teaching them about sustainability and re-purposing. And newspaper doesn't call so much attention to the sloppy wrapping job. I comfort myself with the fact that when they are older, they will appreciate that there is something different about their auntie's gifts, even if it is the packaging. I like to be unique.
Similarly, I try to use current flyers for adult presents. I always circle the great deals before wrapping, and try to be considerate of personal interests. For example, if my sister buys a lot of infant formula I will circle the advertised sale for that formula, so she knows where to buy it and when. I think it is a nice bonus to the gift that's inside.
I don't have to tell you again that I like cutting corners to keep costs down. So instead of buying expensive gift tags I pull out my trusty Sharpie. Yes, I Sharpie the names on top of the presents instead of using gift tags. If I am feeling extravagant I might even put a smiley face or a holiday greeting on it as well.
So when Christmas comes and it's the Evening To Wrap Gifts, I gather all my recycled and cheap tools and go to it. No one has ever complained before about the messy job, or the fact that their names are written on the paper, or even that it comes in the weekly news. It could be that people are more charitable and forgiving at Christmas time, but it could also be that no one thinks of this stuff but me.
Monday 17 December 2012
Reflections on the inhuman
If you are a parent and have heard about the recent elementary school shooting in the United States, you can relate to this post. No matter how busy we all are, I think we should take a few moments in response to this inhuman catastrophe.
The first moment for me is to grieve for all those 18 children, mostly 6 and 7 years old, with all that future and potential ahead of them. Now it's gone and there is nothing that can bring it back, That's sad and I am going to be sad for them. My one boy is five, and I can't even imagine what those parents are going through. Every one of those kids was someone's brightest light, and goodbye came too soon.
My second moment is to grieve for the parents. I can't do anything to make their loss easier, and I want them all to know that they should never have had to go through that. I think it's every parent's worst nightmare to survive their own children. I only hope that they all have a strong support network and can get through this, in whatever way possible.
My third moment is to be thankful for every second I get to spend with my own children. No matter what those parents are going through I am sure they cherish the moments they did have before. And no matter where those kids are I hope they still have a sense that they were loved and appreciated. I am going to take as many moments as I can to ensure my own children know this now and forever. I can't imagine going through anything like this, and I am sure there are many parents who feel the same.
Now even though I am not religious, I am going to take my final moment to pray to whatever or whoever may be out there that these senseless massacres stop. It is not common, even with all the media sensationalism that would have us believe differently. It is not a high chance that it will ever happen to someone I know or someone they know, but to have it happen to one person is too much. It needs to stop. That's what I'm praying for.
Personally, I have only read two news articles about the shooting and can't read anymore right now. It hits too close to home. But I can still grieve for all those lives lost in a pointless massacre. I think that no matter how busy we are as parents and workers and caregivers, we can at least offer a moment to grieve for those victims and their survivors. Even if that's all we can do.
The first moment for me is to grieve for all those 18 children, mostly 6 and 7 years old, with all that future and potential ahead of them. Now it's gone and there is nothing that can bring it back, That's sad and I am going to be sad for them. My one boy is five, and I can't even imagine what those parents are going through. Every one of those kids was someone's brightest light, and goodbye came too soon.
My second moment is to grieve for the parents. I can't do anything to make their loss easier, and I want them all to know that they should never have had to go through that. I think it's every parent's worst nightmare to survive their own children. I only hope that they all have a strong support network and can get through this, in whatever way possible.
My third moment is to be thankful for every second I get to spend with my own children. No matter what those parents are going through I am sure they cherish the moments they did have before. And no matter where those kids are I hope they still have a sense that they were loved and appreciated. I am going to take as many moments as I can to ensure my own children know this now and forever. I can't imagine going through anything like this, and I am sure there are many parents who feel the same.
Now even though I am not religious, I am going to take my final moment to pray to whatever or whoever may be out there that these senseless massacres stop. It is not common, even with all the media sensationalism that would have us believe differently. It is not a high chance that it will ever happen to someone I know or someone they know, but to have it happen to one person is too much. It needs to stop. That's what I'm praying for.
Personally, I have only read two news articles about the shooting and can't read anymore right now. It hits too close to home. But I can still grieve for all those lives lost in a pointless massacre. I think that no matter how busy we are as parents and workers and caregivers, we can at least offer a moment to grieve for those victims and their survivors. Even if that's all we can do.
Wednesday 12 December 2012
Keeping Perspective
There are times as a mother when you just want to scream. Or hit something (an inanimate something, like a wall of course). Or tear at your hair. If you haven't experienced this as a mother yet, don't waste a moment's sleep. You will.
There are days when everything goes wrong. You manage to get your toddler into his snowsuit after ten minutes of struggle only to realize he has just filled his diaper and needs to be changed. Now you will miss the bus. You spend time getting an elaborate lunch of homemade and healthy soup ready just to drop it on the floor. You make your first coffee of the day and then your five-year old believes it is a great idea to put a granola bar in it, to add some protein of course. Your child (who hasn't wet the bed in years) does this two nights in a row.
All of this happened to me over the past four days. And last night my sick baby puked all over his crib and floor at 1 am. I dragged myself out of bed (I wasn't asleep yet of course, because the older one had just been sleepwalking around his room looking for toast), cleaned the mattress and floor and changed the sheets. Baby boy decided it was time to feel better so took a little stroll through the bedrooms, waking up his brother again. After the crib was suitable again, I laid him down and he threw up again. So I went through the whole process a second time. I was considering pulling him into bed with me to avoid the cleaning, but he may have thrown up on me and a shower in the middle of the night is not my thing. There are limits to how much I want to clean up. Besides, baby boy likes to play in the toilet when I'm in the shower, and I'm not going to go there again.
So this has been my week. It's been a pretty messy and smelly one, filled with bodily fluids and reminiscent of my group home days. But when I feel awake enough to scream about it, I try to put things in perspective. Sure it's gross. Yes, I would rather sleep than clean up vomit and urine. But really, it's to be expected. Kids get sick and kids have accidents, and this stage is not going to last forever. I am going to miss these days when my boys are teenagers and want nothing to do with me. Maybe not the specific messes, but the fact that they need me so much now.
It's why I chose to stay home instead of working. It's why my husband and I make so many sacrifices concerning money. I want to be the one there when they hurt themselves, or need an extra cuddle because they are sick. I want to have all those great stories of the funny things they did and what they got into (like the toilet). I remember this when I have hard days or weeks and all of a sudden it starts to seem, if not funny, at least acceptable. And then I go hug my children, even if they're covered in yucky stuff.
There are days when everything goes wrong. You manage to get your toddler into his snowsuit after ten minutes of struggle only to realize he has just filled his diaper and needs to be changed. Now you will miss the bus. You spend time getting an elaborate lunch of homemade and healthy soup ready just to drop it on the floor. You make your first coffee of the day and then your five-year old believes it is a great idea to put a granola bar in it, to add some protein of course. Your child (who hasn't wet the bed in years) does this two nights in a row.
All of this happened to me over the past four days. And last night my sick baby puked all over his crib and floor at 1 am. I dragged myself out of bed (I wasn't asleep yet of course, because the older one had just been sleepwalking around his room looking for toast), cleaned the mattress and floor and changed the sheets. Baby boy decided it was time to feel better so took a little stroll through the bedrooms, waking up his brother again. After the crib was suitable again, I laid him down and he threw up again. So I went through the whole process a second time. I was considering pulling him into bed with me to avoid the cleaning, but he may have thrown up on me and a shower in the middle of the night is not my thing. There are limits to how much I want to clean up. Besides, baby boy likes to play in the toilet when I'm in the shower, and I'm not going to go there again.
So this has been my week. It's been a pretty messy and smelly one, filled with bodily fluids and reminiscent of my group home days. But when I feel awake enough to scream about it, I try to put things in perspective. Sure it's gross. Yes, I would rather sleep than clean up vomit and urine. But really, it's to be expected. Kids get sick and kids have accidents, and this stage is not going to last forever. I am going to miss these days when my boys are teenagers and want nothing to do with me. Maybe not the specific messes, but the fact that they need me so much now.
It's why I chose to stay home instead of working. It's why my husband and I make so many sacrifices concerning money. I want to be the one there when they hurt themselves, or need an extra cuddle because they are sick. I want to have all those great stories of the funny things they did and what they got into (like the toilet). I remember this when I have hard days or weeks and all of a sudden it starts to seem, if not funny, at least acceptable. And then I go hug my children, even if they're covered in yucky stuff.
Tuesday 11 December 2012
Teething!
My baby is a happy baby. I know people say that all the time about their babies, but eh is a really happy baby. I don't know why because he hardly sleeps, but I'm not complaining about his mood (only about his sleep). By happy I mean a wall can make him laugh, and regularly does.
One of his first words was "look" (or LOOH LOOH to be technical). He points at something random, like a tree, says "LOOH!" and laughs and claps. He smiles at anyone who makes eye contact, he laughs at most noises (even the vacuum), and is so much fun to be around.
Today was a hard day for the poor little guy. He is teething, and for some reason his teeth don't want to come in order. He has six front teeth and four molars, with huge gaps in between, where the rest of his teeth should have come in first. He is having a tough time of it. Today he was crying from the start, and refusing to eat. He managed some apple sauce and yogourt, but anything else was torture.
I get it though. I don't personally remember cutting my first teeth, but if it makes my happy guy so miserable it must be painful. Here is some general information and all the tips I can share for anyone going through the same with their babies.
Drool and stool
- It is common knowledge that babies who are teething drool more than normal. This is often accompanied by looser bowel movements, because of increased saliva production. They are swallowing most of it, and it affects their stool. It is not full-blown diarrhea, but close. To firm things up a bit, go with the BRAT diet. Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.
Diaper rash
-Even if baby's poops are not affected, teething commonly causes diaper rash. Just like the rash that develops on a baby's chin from drooling, the rash will develop on the bum because of the excess of saliva that has been ingested. Sometimes it is minor and sometimes it can be very severe. If there is no improvement withing two or three days of applying diaper cream, go to the doctor. Avoid giving baby any spicy foods when he has a diaper rash, as some will aggravate it further.
Cold works-unless it doesn't
- Most doctors recommend letting a baby chew on a chilled teething toy or frozen banana. This sounds great in theory and for some lucky people it might work, but I have found that when the gums are so sensitive, the extreme temperature just makes it worse. I have seen parents force cold chewy things on their children until they accept them, but this doesn't make sense to me. If it's not helping, try something else.
Teething toys
- Most babies love chewing on things and teething toys or gadgets are specifically designed to be chewable. Neither of my boys can stand them. So if you have a child that loves a certain teething apparatus, buy it in bulk. If your child will not take one, let it go.
Wet washcloths
- These have actually worked for both of my children to provide some relief for pain. Wet a wash cloth (experiment with temperature to find what your child prefers), squeeze it out, and let them chomp away.
Soft Foods,
- If your baby normally eats like a horse (which mine does), and suddenly starts refusing all his favourite foods when he is teething, you may have to rely on soup, yogourt, applesauce, and pureed foods to get you by. A cranky baby is not going to appreciate being hungry. Be aware of temperatures though; I have to serve everything at room temperature, because if it is slightly cool or slightly warm, he won't eat it.
Bedtime
- Even if you have established a regular and peaceful bedtime routine, expect some disruptions with teething. Some babies who go to sleep easily will scream after being put down. It could be because they have tried to go to sleep and the pain makes it difficult, or it could be that during this time your baby needs extra comfort. Go with your instinct and spend some extra time comforting him. You can always re-establish your regular routine in a few days.
Your baby may act like a different child:
Don't be alarmed. That red, puffy, screaming child is really yours. Throwing temper tantrums and testing limits is pretty common with teething.
When all else fails, use distraction. Do whatever it takes to keep your little one busy and distracted, and he might not cry quite so much. This is exactly what I had to do today. I took my cranky baby to a local play centre and held my breath. I thought that since he was not in good spirits it might have been a disaster. To my surprise, he forgot all about being miserable and played with everything twice. Trains, climbers, dolls, cars, crayons, animals, puzzles, etc. He was happily occupied for three hours of the morning, and it was only when we got home that he realized he was still in a bad mood. Out comes the apple sauce...
One of his first words was "look" (or LOOH LOOH to be technical). He points at something random, like a tree, says "LOOH!" and laughs and claps. He smiles at anyone who makes eye contact, he laughs at most noises (even the vacuum), and is so much fun to be around.
Today was a hard day for the poor little guy. He is teething, and for some reason his teeth don't want to come in order. He has six front teeth and four molars, with huge gaps in between, where the rest of his teeth should have come in first. He is having a tough time of it. Today he was crying from the start, and refusing to eat. He managed some apple sauce and yogourt, but anything else was torture.
I get it though. I don't personally remember cutting my first teeth, but if it makes my happy guy so miserable it must be painful. Here is some general information and all the tips I can share for anyone going through the same with their babies.
Drool and stool
- It is common knowledge that babies who are teething drool more than normal. This is often accompanied by looser bowel movements, because of increased saliva production. They are swallowing most of it, and it affects their stool. It is not full-blown diarrhea, but close. To firm things up a bit, go with the BRAT diet. Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.
Diaper rash
-Even if baby's poops are not affected, teething commonly causes diaper rash. Just like the rash that develops on a baby's chin from drooling, the rash will develop on the bum because of the excess of saliva that has been ingested. Sometimes it is minor and sometimes it can be very severe. If there is no improvement withing two or three days of applying diaper cream, go to the doctor. Avoid giving baby any spicy foods when he has a diaper rash, as some will aggravate it further.
Cold works-unless it doesn't
- Most doctors recommend letting a baby chew on a chilled teething toy or frozen banana. This sounds great in theory and for some lucky people it might work, but I have found that when the gums are so sensitive, the extreme temperature just makes it worse. I have seen parents force cold chewy things on their children until they accept them, but this doesn't make sense to me. If it's not helping, try something else.
Teething toys
- Most babies love chewing on things and teething toys or gadgets are specifically designed to be chewable. Neither of my boys can stand them. So if you have a child that loves a certain teething apparatus, buy it in bulk. If your child will not take one, let it go.
Wet washcloths
- These have actually worked for both of my children to provide some relief for pain. Wet a wash cloth (experiment with temperature to find what your child prefers), squeeze it out, and let them chomp away.
Soft Foods,
- If your baby normally eats like a horse (which mine does), and suddenly starts refusing all his favourite foods when he is teething, you may have to rely on soup, yogourt, applesauce, and pureed foods to get you by. A cranky baby is not going to appreciate being hungry. Be aware of temperatures though; I have to serve everything at room temperature, because if it is slightly cool or slightly warm, he won't eat it.
Bedtime
- Even if you have established a regular and peaceful bedtime routine, expect some disruptions with teething. Some babies who go to sleep easily will scream after being put down. It could be because they have tried to go to sleep and the pain makes it difficult, or it could be that during this time your baby needs extra comfort. Go with your instinct and spend some extra time comforting him. You can always re-establish your regular routine in a few days.
Your baby may act like a different child:
Don't be alarmed. That red, puffy, screaming child is really yours. Throwing temper tantrums and testing limits is pretty common with teething.
When all else fails, use distraction. Do whatever it takes to keep your little one busy and distracted, and he might not cry quite so much. This is exactly what I had to do today. I took my cranky baby to a local play centre and held my breath. I thought that since he was not in good spirits it might have been a disaster. To my surprise, he forgot all about being miserable and played with everything twice. Trains, climbers, dolls, cars, crayons, animals, puzzles, etc. He was happily occupied for three hours of the morning, and it was only when we got home that he realized he was still in a bad mood. Out comes the apple sauce...
Sunday 9 December 2012
Fun games to play with kids
I don't mind rainy days because it's nice to stay at homes sometimes. When the days are clear, even if it's cold, my kids need to go outside or take a trip somewhere. Even staying at home though, I need to find a way for them to burn off that energy or engage their minds. For all those of you who are sick of hearing "I'm bored, what can I do?" (that's a direct quote), here are a few options for indoor fun:
Hide and Seek is great to play indoors, as long as your kids know they have to stay indoors. It really spoils the fun if you find them outside under the deck after yelling for hours.....
Freeze Tag is perfect for kids with a lot of energy. Just make sure you're always one step behind them so you can "freeze" them before they know over that lamp.
Make a fort. This is so overlooked it's not even funny. It will amuse a baby as much as a ten-year old. Grab some blankets, put them over some furniture, make little rooms, whatever you want. It's really quite fun for adults too. If your blankets don't stay up you can use masking tape.
For children above three, Go Fish is a good one. For children younger, let them play with the cards anyway. If they make up silly rules, even better. Or make a card house. Avoid this if you don't have patience for nit-picky activities or a tendency to use curse words in frustration. Trust me. It's not for the faint of heart.
Get out some old sheets and bristol board. Then dump some paint on it and get messy. This is especially fun if your kids paint with their feet. When Jimmy was three I would hold his hands and he would run on the paint like a treadmill. Make sure you have a bath ready before you dip your kids in paint though.
Set up an obstacle course. Move some furniture around and set a path to the finish. Jump over pillows, crawl under tables or chairs, walk behind a couch. With the time it takes to set up, complete the course, and clean up afterwards, you will have passed the entire afternoon.
Dance Freeze is fun and a good way to exercise. Put on some fast music (preferably with a remote) and dance away. Stop the music every once in a while to see who can stay in the funniest position for the longest.
Have an ABC I Spy game. Start with A and take turns spying something with that letter. Go through the alphabet, giving a point for each letter completed successfully. Kids love hunting for things.
Play a pretend game that's not House. The more creative, the better. Set up a fake department store with some clothes and dishes, or a pretend school with the table for a desk. One that Jimmy used to love is Library. Get some props and act out a trip somewhere that's important to learn about. If you're really tired, play Bus. Tell your little one to pretend they are riding a bus, sitting nice and still and quiet.....
Sometimes a rainy day can drive you and your kids stir-crazy. I hope some of these ideas help to pass the time and keep everyone busy and happy.
Hide and Seek is great to play indoors, as long as your kids know they have to stay indoors. It really spoils the fun if you find them outside under the deck after yelling for hours.....
Freeze Tag is perfect for kids with a lot of energy. Just make sure you're always one step behind them so you can "freeze" them before they know over that lamp.
Make a fort. This is so overlooked it's not even funny. It will amuse a baby as much as a ten-year old. Grab some blankets, put them over some furniture, make little rooms, whatever you want. It's really quite fun for adults too. If your blankets don't stay up you can use masking tape.
For children above three, Go Fish is a good one. For children younger, let them play with the cards anyway. If they make up silly rules, even better. Or make a card house. Avoid this if you don't have patience for nit-picky activities or a tendency to use curse words in frustration. Trust me. It's not for the faint of heart.
Get out some old sheets and bristol board. Then dump some paint on it and get messy. This is especially fun if your kids paint with their feet. When Jimmy was three I would hold his hands and he would run on the paint like a treadmill. Make sure you have a bath ready before you dip your kids in paint though.
Set up an obstacle course. Move some furniture around and set a path to the finish. Jump over pillows, crawl under tables or chairs, walk behind a couch. With the time it takes to set up, complete the course, and clean up afterwards, you will have passed the entire afternoon.
Dance Freeze is fun and a good way to exercise. Put on some fast music (preferably with a remote) and dance away. Stop the music every once in a while to see who can stay in the funniest position for the longest.
Have an ABC I Spy game. Start with A and take turns spying something with that letter. Go through the alphabet, giving a point for each letter completed successfully. Kids love hunting for things.
Play a pretend game that's not House. The more creative, the better. Set up a fake department store with some clothes and dishes, or a pretend school with the table for a desk. One that Jimmy used to love is Library. Get some props and act out a trip somewhere that's important to learn about. If you're really tired, play Bus. Tell your little one to pretend they are riding a bus, sitting nice and still and quiet.....
Sometimes a rainy day can drive you and your kids stir-crazy. I hope some of these ideas help to pass the time and keep everyone busy and happy.
Thursday 6 December 2012
Pictures with Santa
My monster-sized calendar on the fridge is always full for December. I need to schedule everything, from when to send out cards and gifts to what day we are donating toys. Yesterday was Pictures with Santa Day. Hint for all those who are planning to do this: find out when Santa takes his dinner break. Usually if you go five or ten minutes before he is scheduled to return, the waiting will be minimal. Don't do it on the weekend or right after school. These are usually the busiest times in my experience.
While we were in line, my husband commented that maybe we should have dressed the kids up a bit more. There were lots of little girls in fancy dresses and boys with ties. I have no problem with my children dressing normally though. They look more natural if they are comfortable, and I wouldn't recognize either of them in fancy clothes. Besides, Santa is non-judgmental enough to love them despite their casual attire.
Of course Eddie cried for Santa. Originally, I tried to have Jimmy hold him but he almost dropped him so it was up to Santa. Eddie screamed and fought the entire time. My theory for why this is so common among young children is that Santa comes but once a year. He is unfamiliar to children so they are naturally a bit nervous of him. Jimmy's smile came out a little false, but then that's pretty normal for kids in pictures.
Directly after picking up the pictures, we stopped at the toy table to get the winter gear on again. Eddie was happily playing with wooden beads when he fell and knocked his head on the table, causing lots of blood and a black eye. At least it happened after the pictures though. He already looked tortured enough without the injury.
It makes me question which traditions are important enough to keep over the holidays. We have already left the Santa Clause Parade off my huge calendar, because it is always scheduled for the coldest day of the year and Jimmy doesn't enjoy it at all. The floats are not as fancy as they once were, I'll admit. Jimmy doesn't even like the candy they give out. He does like his picture with Santa though. In hindsight, maybe I should have let Jimmy get a picture and held off until next year for Eddie. I think he would understand when he's older the reason why.
I want to make sure that Christmas is fun for our whole family. It is a slow learning process though, and maybe once the kids are ready to move out I will have it perfected. Until then, I want to focus on having a mostly happy family, and teaching them to be generous.
While we were in line, my husband commented that maybe we should have dressed the kids up a bit more. There were lots of little girls in fancy dresses and boys with ties. I have no problem with my children dressing normally though. They look more natural if they are comfortable, and I wouldn't recognize either of them in fancy clothes. Besides, Santa is non-judgmental enough to love them despite their casual attire.
Of course Eddie cried for Santa. Originally, I tried to have Jimmy hold him but he almost dropped him so it was up to Santa. Eddie screamed and fought the entire time. My theory for why this is so common among young children is that Santa comes but once a year. He is unfamiliar to children so they are naturally a bit nervous of him. Jimmy's smile came out a little false, but then that's pretty normal for kids in pictures.
Directly after picking up the pictures, we stopped at the toy table to get the winter gear on again. Eddie was happily playing with wooden beads when he fell and knocked his head on the table, causing lots of blood and a black eye. At least it happened after the pictures though. He already looked tortured enough without the injury.
It makes me question which traditions are important enough to keep over the holidays. We have already left the Santa Clause Parade off my huge calendar, because it is always scheduled for the coldest day of the year and Jimmy doesn't enjoy it at all. The floats are not as fancy as they once were, I'll admit. Jimmy doesn't even like the candy they give out. He does like his picture with Santa though. In hindsight, maybe I should have let Jimmy get a picture and held off until next year for Eddie. I think he would understand when he's older the reason why.
I want to make sure that Christmas is fun for our whole family. It is a slow learning process though, and maybe once the kids are ready to move out I will have it perfected. Until then, I want to focus on having a mostly happy family, and teaching them to be generous.
Monday 3 December 2012
Um, pardon me?
There are some times when I think that mothering comes more naturally to some than others. I have a friend with a four-year old boy and I have never heard her raise her voice. I've never even heard a frustrated tone from her. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever heard her say "no." She will discipline of course, but it always seems to be positive discipline. Of course, I don't know what goes on when I'm not around, but from what I do see she has the patience of a saint. And that's not to say her child even misbehaves, but there are days when I can't imagine even the slightest mistake causing me frustration.
I am patient. I am caring. But yes, I have lost it on a few occasions. There are days when mommy needs a timeout. I have never been mean to my children though. If I notice that my voice sounds angry I apologize, take a minute, and return to the conversation with a nicer tone. I understand my children aren't always trying to make me upset. I don't know when good judgment naturally develops, but it's not by age 5. The point is I try. I will be reasonable and kind with my discipline, as much as I am able to.
So try to imagine my surprise when, on the bus, I heard a woman telling her 6 year old daughter to "Sit down and shut up, or I will throw you out of this bus and it will run you over!" What? That's not even a joke. Maybe at some point it was trying to be but I'm not going to give it the benefit of the doubt. There are some things you just don't say to kids.
It amazes me that people come up with these ways of speaking to anyone, much less their own children. I have heard many lines, among them: "Stop or I'll make your *** red," "Shove it," "Be quiet or you will live in the basement," "I will send you away forever," and "Do you want to be smacked?" These are only the ones that stand out in my memory, but when I hear things like this I have to wonder, should these people have kids?
A side note; I am not talking about parents who make mistakes. Most parents have had a moment when they realize what they've just said is completely inappropriate. The damage here can be minimal if apologies are made and things are explained to a child. And I am not promoting the idea of children having total freedom either. Children need discipline, but it can be just as effective if it is enforced in a respectful way. I am talking here about parents who use this language with their children as naturally as breathing, and you can tell when that's the case. It's easy to recognize when this is a normal pattern.
I know that sometimes having a bad day makes a parent less patient. I know that there are things that happen in the adult world that have nothing to do with kids that put us in a vicious mood. But the important thing is, this has nothing to do with the kids! Don't take it out on them. Worse is when people are having a fine day but they talk to their children like this anyway. Since when was it okay to threaten a child by being run over? Or sending a child away forever? I know the times have changed and spanking is not tolerated by the law, but why is it okay to replace it with threats?
If most parents would stop to think, they would realize that most of the time children do not deliberately make us angry. There are times when they test their limits, and there are times when they just want to break the rules, but for the most part they try to please us when they are young. Children make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. The difference is, adults have the choice to learn from their mistakes. Children rely on parents to teach them. Speaking to children in a derogatory, insulting, or threatening way is not going to help the child learn positive behaviour.
Making a child feel appreciated is paramount to teaching a child about respect and boundaries. A kid who hears threats spoken in anger will go through isolation and a feeling of never being good enough. It doesn't matter if a parent threatens once, or threatens a hundred times. Once is too much.
Children who are spoken to this way are more likely to develop anger and control issues, because they are not supported or nurtured when they make an honest mistake. They are learning instead that the parent is the boss, and these are the rules. Follow the rules, or else. Or else what? It's different in every case but it's never good. At least not according to the threats. When these children grow up they will not have the tools to make healthy choices. They will not have positive role models to connect with. They will have learned that it is okay to respond to a problem with anger and intimidation.
Maybe I should have said something to the mom on the bus. I didn't and I am a little ashamed. My reason though, was that my own children were with me and I don't want them to pay any attention to that language. If I pay attention to it, they are more likely to be affected by it. And I really don't think mentioning it would have changed any patterns of bahaviour. Some might disagree, but that's my reason. And there were at least 30 other people on that bus who didn't say anything. This is not a justification, but I bring it up because it makes me wonder if they disapproved of the way a mother was talking to her child, or if they thought it was fine. I didn't. And I never will. If people like that aren't willing to speak to their children as humans, maybe people like that shouldn't reproduce.
I am patient. I am caring. But yes, I have lost it on a few occasions. There are days when mommy needs a timeout. I have never been mean to my children though. If I notice that my voice sounds angry I apologize, take a minute, and return to the conversation with a nicer tone. I understand my children aren't always trying to make me upset. I don't know when good judgment naturally develops, but it's not by age 5. The point is I try. I will be reasonable and kind with my discipline, as much as I am able to.
So try to imagine my surprise when, on the bus, I heard a woman telling her 6 year old daughter to "Sit down and shut up, or I will throw you out of this bus and it will run you over!" What? That's not even a joke. Maybe at some point it was trying to be but I'm not going to give it the benefit of the doubt. There are some things you just don't say to kids.
It amazes me that people come up with these ways of speaking to anyone, much less their own children. I have heard many lines, among them: "Stop or I'll make your *** red," "Shove it," "Be quiet or you will live in the basement," "I will send you away forever," and "Do you want to be smacked?" These are only the ones that stand out in my memory, but when I hear things like this I have to wonder, should these people have kids?
A side note; I am not talking about parents who make mistakes. Most parents have had a moment when they realize what they've just said is completely inappropriate. The damage here can be minimal if apologies are made and things are explained to a child. And I am not promoting the idea of children having total freedom either. Children need discipline, but it can be just as effective if it is enforced in a respectful way. I am talking here about parents who use this language with their children as naturally as breathing, and you can tell when that's the case. It's easy to recognize when this is a normal pattern.
I know that sometimes having a bad day makes a parent less patient. I know that there are things that happen in the adult world that have nothing to do with kids that put us in a vicious mood. But the important thing is, this has nothing to do with the kids! Don't take it out on them. Worse is when people are having a fine day but they talk to their children like this anyway. Since when was it okay to threaten a child by being run over? Or sending a child away forever? I know the times have changed and spanking is not tolerated by the law, but why is it okay to replace it with threats?
If most parents would stop to think, they would realize that most of the time children do not deliberately make us angry. There are times when they test their limits, and there are times when they just want to break the rules, but for the most part they try to please us when they are young. Children make mistakes. Adults make mistakes. The difference is, adults have the choice to learn from their mistakes. Children rely on parents to teach them. Speaking to children in a derogatory, insulting, or threatening way is not going to help the child learn positive behaviour.
Making a child feel appreciated is paramount to teaching a child about respect and boundaries. A kid who hears threats spoken in anger will go through isolation and a feeling of never being good enough. It doesn't matter if a parent threatens once, or threatens a hundred times. Once is too much.
Children who are spoken to this way are more likely to develop anger and control issues, because they are not supported or nurtured when they make an honest mistake. They are learning instead that the parent is the boss, and these are the rules. Follow the rules, or else. Or else what? It's different in every case but it's never good. At least not according to the threats. When these children grow up they will not have the tools to make healthy choices. They will not have positive role models to connect with. They will have learned that it is okay to respond to a problem with anger and intimidation.
Maybe I should have said something to the mom on the bus. I didn't and I am a little ashamed. My reason though, was that my own children were with me and I don't want them to pay any attention to that language. If I pay attention to it, they are more likely to be affected by it. And I really don't think mentioning it would have changed any patterns of bahaviour. Some might disagree, but that's my reason. And there were at least 30 other people on that bus who didn't say anything. This is not a justification, but I bring it up because it makes me wonder if they disapproved of the way a mother was talking to her child, or if they thought it was fine. I didn't. And I never will. If people like that aren't willing to speak to their children as humans, maybe people like that shouldn't reproduce.
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