And I don't even have teenagers yet...

Disclaimer 1: This is a rant. There are people who might feel offended by what I'm saying. I am not talking about all teenagers, just a general pattern I see.

Disclaimer 2: Although this is a PG blog containing no expletives, I do make reference to them in this post for the sake of authenticity. This is not how I speak
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Today was an enlightening day for me. I realized that no matter how much faith I have in people in general, to be nice or do the right thing or even respect basic social courtesies, there is always someone who is going to disappoint me. Wait a minute. I knew that. Here's what happened though to reinforce it.

My first encounter with rudeness was a girl getting off the school bus talking like a trucker. My children weren't the only children present. There were several kids under five standing there to hear her say, "That's f***ing b******* man. I f***ing hate that stupid, lazy c***." Yes, that's the C-word they can't say in movies. There was lots more, but I think that's sufficient as an example. I don't even like typing that much, but for some people to yell it in front of several children..... I was angry to say the least.

The next experience was on the city bus. I was with J and E and there was a female sitting in the section kept for disabled people. Someone with a wheelchair got on and she looked at him, deliberately took out her phone and began texting, all while not moving. He asked her to move and she was verbally put out by this audacious request.

In a nutshell though, because this is supposed to be a rant, not a novel, we also saw someone sitting with her legs across four seats while people were forced to stand on the bus, someone who knocked an old man over in his rush to get to the bus (while texting, of course), and someone who was so busy making out with her boyfriend at work that she wasn't paying attention to customers that were waiting for service. And then we heard some more colourful language while waiting for the bus again, observed someone else spitting on the bench and saw two people sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, forcing everyone to go around them.

This was all today, and the one thing they all had in common was each offender (I say this because I was personally offended by all of it) was between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. I was angry with all of these people at first, because even if my kids weren't present to see all of it, it's so rude and selfish to act this way that it has to be deliberate, right? But no, here comes the rant.

I realized that someone somewhere taught these inconsiderate teenagers how to be inconsiderate. Perhaps it was by example, or maybe it was from lack of attention or consequences,  but whatever the case, none of these kids (yes, they're still kids) thought they were doing anything wrong. I have to blame the parents. And here's why.

Parents are the main influence on a child until they move out of the house. Even after that we continue to be an example of how to conduct ourselves as adults. What is with this generation of young people who think it's okay to treat others like dirt and expect to be given everything else for free? Because I'll tell you, if any of those were my kids they would have a part-time job in customer service so they could spend their afternoons learning manners instead of insulting people with their behaviour.

There is a general sense of entitlement among this age group, and I know it was there when I was that age too. The difference is, I never got away with it. If my parents had have seen me doing any of the things that I saw today, I would have been grounded and doing home-enforced community service or volunteer work. It was unacceptable.

I'm not in any way saying that all teenagers are rude. But as a general rule, they are much ruder today than they used to be. I know there are phenomenal young adults who want to help people and are very polite, but where are they all when my own kids need an example of how to act? They are certainly not out in force.

So parents, if you have a teen and are paying attention to them, good job. If you are giving them their space because they are moody and sullen, don't leave them alone. That's the last thing they want. Remember, teenagers are typically compulsive liars, so if they say, "Stay out of my life," then you can rest assured you should be in their life, to the point that they can't act without you knowing. No, don't be a prison guard (at least not so they know) but please be aware of how they treat people in general. This is when they are forming their permanent personalities and it scares me to think that in ten years there will be a generation of young and educated professionals spitting on benches and tripping people and swearing into the ears of toddlers.

It more than scares me. It is unacceptable. Someone somewhere taught these kids that it's okay, and someone somewhere needs to un-teach them. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't care to see a high school girl sprawled out in a miniskirt at the back of the bus, deliberately ignoring everyone else who wants to sit down. Or someone else who is so busy with their cell phone that they tell someone in a wheel chair to stand up and walk to another seat.

To all the parents (and you know who you are) who are giving your teenagers the freedom to discover themselves and do what they want, pay more attention! It's disgraceful and a poor reflection on you. Your job as a parent will never be over, not when they have their own kids, not when they're married, not when they move out, and definitely not when they hit "tweendom" and tell you to leave them alone. Ignore them and keep teaching. Please. My kids need a better example.

Some more little nuggets of wisdom

Parenting manuals are handy for a very select few. That's not to say I haven't read a couple myself, but I have found them only marginally helpful. The best way to learn about motherhood is to dive right in. This is an extension of the well-known fact that only parents know: If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you will never have kids. Put simply, learn as you go.

Friends and family are full of advice about what works for them. Take it in context though. It works for them. If you're lucky, some variation of that same advice will work for you, and if you've won the parenting lottery, the exact advice will work the first time you try it. I've never won the lottery though, parenting or otherwise. Well, I have with my boys, but I'm talking about advice here.

Okay, in the spirit of getting on track here (forgive me for being long-winded, it's been a while since I could write with a functional computer), I am going to impart some wisdom that's a couple degrees removed from parenting. I won't tell anyone how to raise their children, but I can tell you some fail-safe techniques for other areas of your life that will make it easier. And that will help a little, I hope.

1: Never sweep more than once a day (except food messes). It's a waste of time. I promise.

2: Don't sort your laundry by colour (unless it's a brand new red shirt; that should be separate at least twice). I have never had pre-washed clothes stain my other clothes a different colour. Coffee, however...

3. Leave a couple days' worth of baked goods on the counter, and freeze the rest. Your hips and budget will thank you.

4.Clean with vinegar. It's just as effective, much safer and much cheaper. Dilute 1/4 vinegar to 3/4 water in a spray bottle. And it makes your house smell like a chip truck. Side note: it's not very useful for bath tubs. For those I recommend Green Works Natural Bathroom Cleaner. No scrubbing required, just wipe the grime off.

5. Have a good filing system and organizational method. I use bins and buckets and shelves. Do what works for you. Finding something is half the battle.

6. Designate a place for mail. Separate what needs to be filed from what needs your attention. Then it will never get lost in the recycling pile. If you  have space, use stand-up file trays. I made some huge, card stock envelopes to put on my wall. Then you can deal with it when you have a minute.

7. If it's lasagne night, make two (or three). They freeze wonderfully and it takes the same amount of time to double the recipe. Then you can have a homemade convenience meal next week, between homework and sports practise and cleaning and swimming and going to the park......

8. Never substitute apple sauce for butter in cookies. I may have written this in my recipes section, and if I did, I apologize. You can taste the difference and they may be a bit healthier but they are not good. Besides, what's an extra 1/4 cup of butter divided between 24 cookies anyway? If you need to make them healthier, reduce or eliminate raisins or chocolate chips. Substituting it in muffins is okay though.

9. Try to leave your children at home when you're grocery shopping, if at all possible. At least until they're nine or ten. Let them pick something to add to the list if it upsets them (it probably won't), and go on your own. Yes, it's much easier to do it yourself then to have children running around at a grocery store.

10. Have a list of friends you can call to babysit in a pinch. Also make a list of friends you can call to go out with or talk to on the phone when you've had a bad day. Just knowing that list is there will improve your mood some days. And when you have time to make a phone call, you won't waste time thinking of who to call.

I laugh so much in a day.....

First, let me apologize for the long delay between posts. My computer has been acting up, if computers can act up. Or else the internet is being argumentative, or something. Whatever the case, I couldn't get on to my blogs without the writing being miniscule and the site freezing every time I typed something. It seems like writing is a silly choice for someone who hates computers as much as me, but since my printing is incomprehensible and I can't help but write, I will put up with it. Please, don't hold my technological illiteracy against me though.

Okay, that was way off topic. What I really want to impart today is the importance of laughing. I am fortunate that I get to stay home with my children, but believe me, I still have some pretty stressful days. No one is immune to that. I remind myself almost every day though how lucky I am to have two wonderful children, and try to enjoy them as much as possible.

They make me laugh. J is quite the character, enjoying the spotlight. He will do almost anything for a joke, just to make other people happy. Of course he's at the age where his sense of humour is not quite developed to maturity, and often needs to be told when things aren't funny, but I only pull this one out in extreme circumstances. For instance, holding the shower hose out of the tub to flood the bathroom is not a joke. Yes, he's tried. Mostly though, I relax and let him have his fun if he's not a) hurting anyone, b) wrecking anything, or c) unfolding my laundry. I laugh at him all the time, even if I'm way too old for fart jokes, because it makes him feel funny and it's important to him.

E is similar. He also enjoys being the entertainment, and will look to someone else to see if it's a laughing matter. When it is, he throws his head back and lets out a huge belly laugh. Then of course he has to check to be sure we're still laughing with him. He plays jokes on me too, and his favourite lately is blowing a raspberry on my cheek when I ask for a kiss. He also enjoys tickle fights, although he asks for them first.

I love to laugh with my kids, because although life gets hard sometimes, we should never be too busy or too stressed out to be happy with our families. Sometimes it's over the silliest things, and sometimes what's funny to our kids isn't funny to us, but in sharing a laugh (even a fake one) we can teach our children that we want them to enjoy life too. Besides, even if it's a fake laugh it will still make you happy to make them happy.

My husband told me once that he wishes he found it so easy to laugh. Which made me think, maybe it's not common for people to laugh. This has since been verified by a lot of people watching (okay, it's just my nosy nature). I have found that most people aren't relaxed in general, at least when I observe them. I should specify that it's adults I'm referring to. Most kids that I see are ready and waiting for someone to make them laugh or share in the joke. Even if kids don't get the joke (or didn't hear the joke), have you ever noticed that one will start laughing just because everyone else is? The magic in this is that it's genuine happiness, even when they have no clue what is so funny.

So I have realized that I probably do laugh more than the average person, and I don't defend myself against it. There was a Facebook quote that said the average adult laughs four times a day. I laugh on average fifty times a day. I did a tally over a week, so you know. My advice to those grown ups who don't laugh so often, please try. If it's difficult, start with your kids. Do something fun together and laugh when they do. Copy their behaviour for once. Trust me, it'll be fun.

And finally, this is a public thank you to my own children. Thank you J and E, for making my days so interesting and fun. Thank you for laughing when things are funny, and even when they're not. Because I'll tell anyone who asks, when the eggs have broken all over the floor and a toddler decides to make pancakes with it using a broom as a spoon, and then topping it off with syrup (yes, it's still on the floor), all while Mommy is cleaning up the spilled spaghetti on the living room carpet, it's really all you can do to laugh. It's either that or cry, right?