This is not a post about J, as the title would suggest. He's been pretty great lately, helping more and whining less. Granted, there are still challenges with the attitude and paying attention bit, but I'm putting that down to his age.
This is actually a post about E, who has recently turned two. I may have mentioned once or twice that he's been practising the "Terribles." His attitude is almost on par with his brother. Of course, he has a great role model for the opinionated meltdowns and arguments. With this in mind, I can't decide if his latest habit is offensive or funny.
E has started blaming his brother for everything. I will point out now that this is somewhat justified, like when J takes a toy from E or is picking on him. "J stop it, right now!" makes a lot of sense in those circumstances. What doesn't make sense is when J is in another room, at school, or asleep. E will use that line whether his brother is there or not, because if he's upset then it has to be J's fault, right?
Maybe I failed somewhere in sibling school, but I haven't been able to get the point across to J that his little brother is not a pet to bug or a toy to play with. J thinks it's acceptable to stand in E's way, trip him, hug him whenever he wants and tease him by dangling toys in front of him. I understand why E blames J for everything, and I know that E's attitude and bossiness also comes from J. But this is not a post about J, and no matter what I try to impart to the older brother doesn't seem to be reaching him.
So I will focus on wisdom for the younger brother. But how the heck am I supposed to teach E that attitude, demanding, blocking and being pushy aren't okay when that's all he sees J doing? I have decided to remain consistent with J, and be a little more proactive with E and his new habit. I tell them both that Mommy will not listen if they don't use a nice voice. I have also started using timeouts for E, which backfires somewhat. E doesn't like timeouts when I'm holding him in place for 60 seconds after a behaviour, but he will tell me sporadically, "Mommy, E temper, timeout, calm down," and put himself in timeout. So sometimes it's discipline and sometimes it's a game. I'll have to see where this one goes.
So far, neither of my boys have improved their attitude one iota. Consistency is the key, I know, but I really thought I'd have at least another year or two for J to be giving me this trouble. Instead, he's an early starter and motivated his brother to have the attitude of a teenager at two years old. Yes, I'm proud my boys are overachievers, but I sometimes wish they would focus little less on being opinionated and a little more on being cooperative.
I know this won't happen for a while yet. Only today E started, "Mommy, stop it, right now!" This was after I put him down for a nap and he tried to negotiate for half an hour from his room, while I sat here, one floor below and listened to his deals. There was the "Bonk my head, Mr. Jones needs pants, fan too slow, machines too loud," and finally just, "Mommy stop it, right now." It's times like these when I console myself with the fact that at least my boys are cute.....
Friday 27 September 2013
Sunday 22 September 2013
E's Birthday
We had E's birthday party yesterday, because he turned two earlier in the week. Although it was nothing spectacular to most people, I do want to write about it because it was fun and important to us. We invited only a few people, and half of them cancelled so at the end of the day we had five guests, three parents and two children. Only one of the children was (almost) in E's age group, but the other is a friend of J's. I wasn't concerned about this, because E is familiar and comfortable with everyone who showed and he was happy they came.
I didn't organize any games. I thought about it, but with four children, all at different ages, it would have been impossible to come up with anything appropriate. I also didn't organize a huge event, like a trip to the park. We would have played outside but it was raining. So as it was, we started in the playroom in the basement, then migrated to the living room. I can't say enough for the value and simplicity of a roomful of balloons and noise makers. J and his friend ended up back downstairs, while E and his little girlfriend co-existed upstairs. They didn't play together, but they were in the same room.
I served simple snacks. Entertaining (even for a small group) always motivates me to invest in real, matching serving dishes, because there was a pretty motley assortment of dishes on the table. Nothing fancy, simply our ordinary table wear with some cut up food on it, but it was functional. The good news is our guests aren't the judgmental type so I could relax about that. I also tried to make a cake for E, not once but twice. I used the wrong flour with the first, so it turned out very dense and while tasty, not birthday-cakey. The second, I used the wrong mixer so there were bubbles that weren't fit for icing. I cut up both to freeze and serve as snack cakes for J and E, and since I ran out of time (and room in the freezer for another mistake) I ended up purchasing a standard cake from the grocery store. I think birthday parties should have homemade cakes, but enough was enough. I tried. And the store cake was good!
Then we did presents, which was a bit of an ordeal. E opened the first and got distracted. It was a wonderful set of Velcro produce: fruits and veggies that can be cut with a play knife and stuck back together like a 3-D puzzle. E can't get enough of it and he forgot that there were more gifts to open, but eventually he made it to the finish line. He also got a car mat, that quite perfectly is part of a set he already has. They are two different mats that fit together to make a larger city, and he loves that too. He also got some cars (I hope I don't need to say he adores them) and new shirts. He is a little fashionista (fashionisto?) and they were both green, his favourite colour. E got his presents from us earlier in the week on his birthday, but it may have been overwhelming to have many more.
Then J handed out the goodie bags, making sure he restocked them with extra stuff and everyone got their favourite colours of the goodies. The party lasted about two hours, which to me is short but necessarily so for E's age. So all in all it wasn't much. There were a few no-shows and cancellations, there wasn't an organized agenda and the food wasn't professional catering. But everyone had fun and it was nice to be able to talk and have the kids play together without being too busy. The people who showed are people who care about E and know him well enough to buy the perfect presents. Food presentation may have been lacking but my mismatched plates were almost empty when it was over, so I served the right snack. Every attendee had a piece of cake (which they might not have if I'd served my homemade ones). And this may not be important to the rest of you but it is to me: when people arrived my house was clean. I mean immaculately so. When they left, not so much, but it's the first impressions that are memorable, right?
After a positive and quiet party (the loud kids were downstairs, remember?), I have decided that it was just right. Not much went as planned, but that's perhaps what made it so perfect. And E had a great time, which is really all that matters. Even if it seems too simple for the majority of the population, to E, and to us, it was spectacular.
I didn't organize any games. I thought about it, but with four children, all at different ages, it would have been impossible to come up with anything appropriate. I also didn't organize a huge event, like a trip to the park. We would have played outside but it was raining. So as it was, we started in the playroom in the basement, then migrated to the living room. I can't say enough for the value and simplicity of a roomful of balloons and noise makers. J and his friend ended up back downstairs, while E and his little girlfriend co-existed upstairs. They didn't play together, but they were in the same room.
I served simple snacks. Entertaining (even for a small group) always motivates me to invest in real, matching serving dishes, because there was a pretty motley assortment of dishes on the table. Nothing fancy, simply our ordinary table wear with some cut up food on it, but it was functional. The good news is our guests aren't the judgmental type so I could relax about that. I also tried to make a cake for E, not once but twice. I used the wrong flour with the first, so it turned out very dense and while tasty, not birthday-cakey. The second, I used the wrong mixer so there were bubbles that weren't fit for icing. I cut up both to freeze and serve as snack cakes for J and E, and since I ran out of time (and room in the freezer for another mistake) I ended up purchasing a standard cake from the grocery store. I think birthday parties should have homemade cakes, but enough was enough. I tried. And the store cake was good!
Then we did presents, which was a bit of an ordeal. E opened the first and got distracted. It was a wonderful set of Velcro produce: fruits and veggies that can be cut with a play knife and stuck back together like a 3-D puzzle. E can't get enough of it and he forgot that there were more gifts to open, but eventually he made it to the finish line. He also got a car mat, that quite perfectly is part of a set he already has. They are two different mats that fit together to make a larger city, and he loves that too. He also got some cars (I hope I don't need to say he adores them) and new shirts. He is a little fashionista (fashionisto?) and they were both green, his favourite colour. E got his presents from us earlier in the week on his birthday, but it may have been overwhelming to have many more.
Then J handed out the goodie bags, making sure he restocked them with extra stuff and everyone got their favourite colours of the goodies. The party lasted about two hours, which to me is short but necessarily so for E's age. So all in all it wasn't much. There were a few no-shows and cancellations, there wasn't an organized agenda and the food wasn't professional catering. But everyone had fun and it was nice to be able to talk and have the kids play together without being too busy. The people who showed are people who care about E and know him well enough to buy the perfect presents. Food presentation may have been lacking but my mismatched plates were almost empty when it was over, so I served the right snack. Every attendee had a piece of cake (which they might not have if I'd served my homemade ones). And this may not be important to the rest of you but it is to me: when people arrived my house was clean. I mean immaculately so. When they left, not so much, but it's the first impressions that are memorable, right?
After a positive and quiet party (the loud kids were downstairs, remember?), I have decided that it was just right. Not much went as planned, but that's perhaps what made it so perfect. And E had a great time, which is really all that matters. Even if it seems too simple for the majority of the population, to E, and to us, it was spectacular.
Bullies
Last week I found out that J has been putting up with bullies at school. I know that's an overused term, but despite my personal feelings on the English language and our tendency to go for trendy social issues, that's what it was. It's not really about the term anyway, but what happened to my son, how it affected him, how we dealt with it and what I think of anti-bully education. I will even provide a bullet-point list for my loyal readers.
- I got a note from J's teacher saying he called a girl "the hottest," and to please speak to him. He doesn't hear that language at home, so I knew he either heard it from older kids saying it to each other, or from someone in his class. It turned out that someone in his class (another 6 year-old) had persuaded him to say it. There was another boy too, encouraging him to say even more inappropriate things to girls (which thankfully, he didn't say, because he would have been suspended). J didn't know what these things meant but he was scared to refuse because he didn't want the other boys teasing him or not liking him, so he said it.
- When I tried talking to J about this, I was calm and supportive and told him I wasn't angry. As soon as I mentioned the note though, he ran up to his room and threw all his bedding around and started throwing toys and slamming doors. Needless to say, he was very upset. I calmed him down enough to have a conversation, but he was crying intermittently and had to walk away from me several times because he couldn't keep it together. I eventually managed to deliver the message that this wasn't his fault, and next time he should tell someone "no thanks, you go ahead and do that yourself." That way he is calling them out and letting them take responsibility for their own actions. He's also got a way to avoid being called a chicken, because if they won't do it either they probably won't call him that. He felt better, but he was scared to go to school Thursday and Friday. He was actually so stressed out that he vomited before school on both days.
- Now for what we did about it. In addition to giving him a way to avoid being pressured into doing anything, I also had him talk to his dad about it. He was scared to at first, because he was ashamed and felt guilty, but I explained everything to P and they had a man-to-boy talk about bullying and people who matter. That helped J a great deal, and it reinforced some of what I said as well as gave him a second perspective to understand it better. I also sent J to school on Thursday and Friday, despite his upset tummy, because I want to teach him to face the things he's scared of. Of course I also told him that if things got worse or he wanted to come home I would pick him up, but he had to try. He didn't come home early either day, so I think that was great. He was very brave. I also phoned the teacher after I found out the whole story from J, and let her know what happened. On the advice of the therapists who will be working with J for anxiety, I told her a bit of what he is going through, and explained that he will always take the blame for any problem, even if he had nothing to do with it. I was also very clear on how I told him to handle it, and she told me how she was going to deal with the other boys involved. I was happy about this, but had to explain to J why she had to know. He was incredibly worried about "telling on them" and tried denying that it happened in the first place. The first day after this incident, one of the boys involved threatened him in a way that wouldn't have physically hurt him, but still qualifies as assault. Fortunately the teacher heard him say this and the boy was made to eat his lunch in the office. J was also moved to another table to eat, so he wouldn't have contact with the other boys. I followed up on Friday to make sure J was acting normally in school, and he was. There had been no further issue and hopefully there won't be this week.
- Now for my opinions on the social aspect of things. IL know you knew it was coming. While I'm happy with everything the teacher has done and how the school is reacting, I can't help but think this might not have happened so early if it weren't for the anti-bullying campaign being forced on children so young. Here's what I mean. Children are told what bullying is when they start school. This means some kids are 4 and some are 3. Yes, it's good to be aware, but I don't think children of this age can get the message clearly, no matter how simplified it is. I don't think they're ready for it at 6 either. If you don't believe me, collect a group of six year-olds and put them in a room together. Then try to teach them something important and socially significant, like avoiding peer pressure. Then ask them what the message was. Every kids in that room will say something different, because they can't understand the full message yet. Some will take one thing and think that's the entire message, while others will get it all mixed up and not make sense at all. The brain at six years can't handle important messages like this; it's biological. So let's apply that to the anti-bullying campaign at schools. Children are told what bullying is, how to spot it, how to stop it and how to avoid being a bully. Then they are encouraged to tell a teacher or adult, even if it means being made fun of. So here's how I think that would be interpreted in J's case. The boys who are bullying him are likely prone to it for some reason, either low self-esteem, unhappy home situations, poor role models, whatever. I don't know anything about them personally but I do know that bullies tend to have their own problems that are relieved by picking on someone else. So J likely would have faced some teasing or name-calling at this stage at any rate. But if these boys weren't taught so early how to be bullies, I believe the extreme case of it wouldn't have occurred until they were all much older. People who are prone to becoming bullies are given the chance to do so much earlier if they are taught exactly how to be a bully. That's the message I believe these kids take from the anti-bullying education. Now J, I know he hears all this stuff about bullying and he knows it's an important issue. His personal message though is this: If you tell on a bully, you will get picked on. The combination of his age, his disposition and his anxiety mean that he's learning to hide what's going on so he doesn't suffer further. If his teacher hadn't caught him saying that to a girl in class, he would never had told me about any of this and nothing would be resolved. It might have even come to him repeating the other thing (that was infinitely worse) and being sent home from school. Don't get me wrong here. I know young kids can still be mean to each other, but I fully believe if they weren't taught all this bullying stuff so early that right now J would be dealing with name-calling at the very worst. Which is still tough on kids, but not as tough as being intimidated to saying something one knows is wrong but doesn't know why, and then getting in trouble at school and having to face his parents and fearing he's in trouble then. Name calling can be explained at this age, and easily avoided. Having to explain what the term "hot" means to a first grader, and other, much older concepts (which we also had to do), should be left alone for years yet.
Sunday 15 September 2013
Practising the Terribles
I hope my readers know that I don't usually capitalize random words in a title. It's bad form. "Terribles," however, is used here as a proper noun. Let me explain. E is turning two on Tuesday. For the last couple months he has been practising the Terribles, just to make sure he's got it down before his birthday. He's always been an overachiever.
At some point in the summer he discovered that he doesn't always have to agree with me. In fact, he found out that he can disagree with me about everything. "No" has become his favourite word. Now I know there's nothing spectacular about this; all kids go through this phase and it's completely normal, even boring. What's not normal is the emphasis he puts on the phrase, especially when he's talking about something that he likes. (Disclaimer: I know what follows is also bad grammatical form but this is for illustrative purposes)
Imagine if you will, a child who wakes up happy, playing with his bear and calling, "Mommy, get up. Awake awake awake!" There is a smile for a greeting and a sweet little voice saying, "Moooooommmmmmmy!" Enter diaper change. "NO BUM CHANGE! NO NO NO! MOMMY NO BUM! NO BUM CHANGE! NO GET YOU! NO CHASE E! NO BUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" Followed by the dirty look that I can get nowhere else. This child has developed a dirty look that would make people cry, but I'm his mother, so of course I think it's cute.
It's not enough to scream down the house at six in the morning though. Once I wrangle him into a dry diaper, he usually goes to the fridge to let me know he's hungry. He has this endearing little habit of opening the door, looking up and down and all over the shelves, saying "Hmmmmmmmmm," until he asks for what he wants. It's usually yogurt. So I will get him yogurt, because that's the type of mom I am, put him in his seat and lovingly set the yogurt in front of him. To which he responds, "MOMMY NO YOGURT! MOMMY< LISTEN! DON"T DO THAT! LOOK AT ME MOMMY! MOMMY LOOK AT ME! NOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOGUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!MOMMY!" And a dirty look. After he has completed this ritual, he eats the yogurt.
The problem with this is not that he has an opinion, or even that he expresses it so freely. Nor is it that he is contrary and just says "no" for the heck of it. It's not even his volume. My ears are well-tuned to the sound of a tantrum (it's not all J's fault, I was a behavioural counsellor for over a decade). No, the problem is simply that he is so darned cute, even when he's angrier than anyone alive.
For anyone who hasn't seen my child, he is undeniably adorable. Not a day goes by when several people don't comment on it. Even people who see him often seem to constantly remark on his level of cute-ness. I'm not bragging here. I know that he's cute, but I honestly get sick of hearing it. Sometimes I wish he weren't so cute, so people would notice his other positive attributes. It's gotten to the point that when someone says he's cute, I respond with, "He's got other things going for him. He's smart too, you know. And funny." So rather than bragging about it, I'm half complaining about it.
Before you condemn me for that, I will explain the problem I was alluding to before.He is so cute and cuddly looking that when he's mad I just want to hug him and laugh. Not laugh at him, but laugh because it's so priceless to see that perfect little face all screwed up in rage, shooting daggers like only some skilled people ever have the ability to do. It's extremely difficult to respond appropriately.
This aside, he's also practising his non-compliance. This also involves ample use of the word "no," but rather than arguing with me he is refusing to listen. "NO GO IN! NO EAT! NO STOP PLAYING! NO NO NO!" This is much easier to respond to, because after two verbal prompts I will physically assist him to listen. That means pick him up if he needs to go somewhere, or hold him in place while he puts away his toys. The problem here is that I have to chase him, and he's fast! Fortunately, if we're at home he doesn't have anywhere to run but in a circle and I can position myself to catch him as he passes. But then he thinks it's funny and can't remember what the lesson was.
Another way to practise the Terribles is to practise his aggression. He's not the aggressive sort (not yet) and he's more testing what he can do. He will run up and try to push me, or kick my legs when I'm holding him. He even accompanies it with a question, "Kick Mommy?" Mommy responds, "No, we don't kick. That's not nice." And of course that earns me the dirty look and sometimes a full-out tantrum. "E KICK MOMMY!!!!!" PLEASE!!!!"
All this fun aside, there are a couple things I know from being a behavioural counsellor and a second-child parent. Here's my advice, applicable no matter when the Terrible Twos begins for you. No matter how cute your child is, try not to laugh when they are acting up. It's hard, but you don't want to go down that road, trust me. Sometimes you need to use simple directions when you're stating the rules. "Hitting is not nice," is better than, "OWWWWWW!" I have tested both of these reactions, and the first is more effective. Don't be afraid to follow up with a physical prompt, whether it's moving your child to where you asked him to go or providing hand-over-hand assistance to finish that cereal. And finally, if you know it's attention-seeking behaviour and injury and health are not a concern, ignore. If something doesn't get a reaction, it will become boring very quickly. It's important to remember to ignore the behaviour, not the child. This is also a lifesaver when you have to turn away to hide a smile.........
At some point in the summer he discovered that he doesn't always have to agree with me. In fact, he found out that he can disagree with me about everything. "No" has become his favourite word. Now I know there's nothing spectacular about this; all kids go through this phase and it's completely normal, even boring. What's not normal is the emphasis he puts on the phrase, especially when he's talking about something that he likes. (Disclaimer: I know what follows is also bad grammatical form but this is for illustrative purposes)
Imagine if you will, a child who wakes up happy, playing with his bear and calling, "Mommy, get up. Awake awake awake!" There is a smile for a greeting and a sweet little voice saying, "Moooooommmmmmmy!" Enter diaper change. "NO BUM CHANGE! NO NO NO! MOMMY NO BUM! NO BUM CHANGE! NO GET YOU! NO CHASE E! NO BUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" Followed by the dirty look that I can get nowhere else. This child has developed a dirty look that would make people cry, but I'm his mother, so of course I think it's cute.
It's not enough to scream down the house at six in the morning though. Once I wrangle him into a dry diaper, he usually goes to the fridge to let me know he's hungry. He has this endearing little habit of opening the door, looking up and down and all over the shelves, saying "Hmmmmmmmmm," until he asks for what he wants. It's usually yogurt. So I will get him yogurt, because that's the type of mom I am, put him in his seat and lovingly set the yogurt in front of him. To which he responds, "MOMMY NO YOGURT! MOMMY< LISTEN! DON"T DO THAT! LOOK AT ME MOMMY! MOMMY LOOK AT ME! NOOOOOOOO YOOOOOOGUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!MOMMY!" And a dirty look. After he has completed this ritual, he eats the yogurt.
The problem with this is not that he has an opinion, or even that he expresses it so freely. Nor is it that he is contrary and just says "no" for the heck of it. It's not even his volume. My ears are well-tuned to the sound of a tantrum (it's not all J's fault, I was a behavioural counsellor for over a decade). No, the problem is simply that he is so darned cute, even when he's angrier than anyone alive.
For anyone who hasn't seen my child, he is undeniably adorable. Not a day goes by when several people don't comment on it. Even people who see him often seem to constantly remark on his level of cute-ness. I'm not bragging here. I know that he's cute, but I honestly get sick of hearing it. Sometimes I wish he weren't so cute, so people would notice his other positive attributes. It's gotten to the point that when someone says he's cute, I respond with, "He's got other things going for him. He's smart too, you know. And funny." So rather than bragging about it, I'm half complaining about it.
Before you condemn me for that, I will explain the problem I was alluding to before.He is so cute and cuddly looking that when he's mad I just want to hug him and laugh. Not laugh at him, but laugh because it's so priceless to see that perfect little face all screwed up in rage, shooting daggers like only some skilled people ever have the ability to do. It's extremely difficult to respond appropriately.
This aside, he's also practising his non-compliance. This also involves ample use of the word "no," but rather than arguing with me he is refusing to listen. "NO GO IN! NO EAT! NO STOP PLAYING! NO NO NO!" This is much easier to respond to, because after two verbal prompts I will physically assist him to listen. That means pick him up if he needs to go somewhere, or hold him in place while he puts away his toys. The problem here is that I have to chase him, and he's fast! Fortunately, if we're at home he doesn't have anywhere to run but in a circle and I can position myself to catch him as he passes. But then he thinks it's funny and can't remember what the lesson was.
Another way to practise the Terribles is to practise his aggression. He's not the aggressive sort (not yet) and he's more testing what he can do. He will run up and try to push me, or kick my legs when I'm holding him. He even accompanies it with a question, "Kick Mommy?" Mommy responds, "No, we don't kick. That's not nice." And of course that earns me the dirty look and sometimes a full-out tantrum. "E KICK MOMMY!!!!!" PLEASE!!!!"
All this fun aside, there are a couple things I know from being a behavioural counsellor and a second-child parent. Here's my advice, applicable no matter when the Terrible Twos begins for you. No matter how cute your child is, try not to laugh when they are acting up. It's hard, but you don't want to go down that road, trust me. Sometimes you need to use simple directions when you're stating the rules. "Hitting is not nice," is better than, "OWWWWWW!" I have tested both of these reactions, and the first is more effective. Don't be afraid to follow up with a physical prompt, whether it's moving your child to where you asked him to go or providing hand-over-hand assistance to finish that cereal. And finally, if you know it's attention-seeking behaviour and injury and health are not a concern, ignore. If something doesn't get a reaction, it will become boring very quickly. It's important to remember to ignore the behaviour, not the child. This is also a lifesaver when you have to turn away to hide a smile.........
Tuesday 10 September 2013
What a week (and it's only Tuesday!)
J started school along with the rest of the general, school-aged population last week. I would have written a lengthy post about that, but I've been sick and lazy. In a nutshell, he's happy he's going every day. I am a little happy he's going every day, because it gives me a chance to have one-on-one time with E (like J had for so long), but I'm also a little sad that he's going every day now. I worked it out and between the bus and school he will be away from home for 35 hours a week for the next fourteen years. That seems like a lot, and it's a little sad. Maybe that's why I didn't have a hard time when he went to Junior Kindergarten though. He started on an every other day basis and I was wondering what was wrong with me. I wasn't crying like the rest of the moms who sniffled their children off to their very first day......Now that he's going every day though, I have had to fight the sniffles a couple of times.
End of nutshell. Now let's move on to this week. Monday was great, despite me being sick. I didn't feel great but was determined to spend a good day with E. We spent the morning walking around the neighbourhood and going to his favourite parks. Then we got home and E had a nap while I had some time to rest and write. Then we went to the bus stop. There were about five kids who got off the bus ahead of J, and every one of them told me his nose was bleeding.Then J got off the bus and his nose wasn't just bleeding; it was pouring out of both nostrils and his clothes were a write-off. Since he had surgery on his nose eleven days prior to that, I was a bit concerned to say the least.
What followed was a frantic call to Telehealth and then waiting to determine whether medical attention was needed. Yes, it was. So we went to the only walk-in clinic in this town because I couldn't get a hold of the after-hours clinic for our doctor's office. The walk-in clinic turned us away because they were full. So I called our office's clinic again and they were full too, but when I explained what happened they fit us in right away. We learned that J had a mild concussion but as far as surgery and the healing was concerned, he is probably fine. He needs monitoring and if he shows certain symptoms he will need more medical attention, but the chances of that are low.
As was, apparently, his chance of being head butted in the nose on the school bus. The surgeon said that he was fine to go to school, just to avoid any injuries to the nose. When I explained that he was a 6-year old boy, the surgeon told me not to worry. Nose injuries at school are fairly uncommon. Of course they are. J's been in school for two years and hasn't received one injury to the nose, except right after his operation.
My friend mentioned that it was probably shocking to see him come off the bus in such a state. I thought about that briefly and told her that no, it wasn't really. This is J we're talking about. He seems to be the most uncoordinated child in the world at times, and he has inherited my whopping dose of dumb luck. I do believe it's genetic. But what can I do about it? I was ready to tell the surgeon that simply because J has to avoid injuries to the nose he would definitely get one, but that would have made me paranoid. It doesn't matter that I would have been right. I can't keep him home from school for the rest of his life either, which was my first inclination when he turned four. If there is an injury to be had, my boy will probably have it. So I have to be prepared to deal with it and keep my broken record going: "Be careful, watch where you're going, slow down, be careful, don't fall in that hole, be careful......" It's really all I can do.
The good news is that repetition is a common way to teach something, so by the time J moves out in a decade and a half, he should be a little more careful. On a side note, E doesn't seem to have this same tendency to get hurt as J does, but given enough repetition from watching his brother, I'm sure he'll learn quick.
End of nutshell. Now let's move on to this week. Monday was great, despite me being sick. I didn't feel great but was determined to spend a good day with E. We spent the morning walking around the neighbourhood and going to his favourite parks. Then we got home and E had a nap while I had some time to rest and write. Then we went to the bus stop. There were about five kids who got off the bus ahead of J, and every one of them told me his nose was bleeding.Then J got off the bus and his nose wasn't just bleeding; it was pouring out of both nostrils and his clothes were a write-off. Since he had surgery on his nose eleven days prior to that, I was a bit concerned to say the least.
What followed was a frantic call to Telehealth and then waiting to determine whether medical attention was needed. Yes, it was. So we went to the only walk-in clinic in this town because I couldn't get a hold of the after-hours clinic for our doctor's office. The walk-in clinic turned us away because they were full. So I called our office's clinic again and they were full too, but when I explained what happened they fit us in right away. We learned that J had a mild concussion but as far as surgery and the healing was concerned, he is probably fine. He needs monitoring and if he shows certain symptoms he will need more medical attention, but the chances of that are low.
As was, apparently, his chance of being head butted in the nose on the school bus. The surgeon said that he was fine to go to school, just to avoid any injuries to the nose. When I explained that he was a 6-year old boy, the surgeon told me not to worry. Nose injuries at school are fairly uncommon. Of course they are. J's been in school for two years and hasn't received one injury to the nose, except right after his operation.
My friend mentioned that it was probably shocking to see him come off the bus in such a state. I thought about that briefly and told her that no, it wasn't really. This is J we're talking about. He seems to be the most uncoordinated child in the world at times, and he has inherited my whopping dose of dumb luck. I do believe it's genetic. But what can I do about it? I was ready to tell the surgeon that simply because J has to avoid injuries to the nose he would definitely get one, but that would have made me paranoid. It doesn't matter that I would have been right. I can't keep him home from school for the rest of his life either, which was my first inclination when he turned four. If there is an injury to be had, my boy will probably have it. So I have to be prepared to deal with it and keep my broken record going: "Be careful, watch where you're going, slow down, be careful, don't fall in that hole, be careful......" It's really all I can do.
The good news is that repetition is a common way to teach something, so by the time J moves out in a decade and a half, he should be a little more careful. On a side note, E doesn't seem to have this same tendency to get hurt as J does, but given enough repetition from watching his brother, I'm sure he'll learn quick.
Friday 6 September 2013
The three C's: Crafty, Creative and Cheap
I know "cheap" is not a word many of you like to use in reference to yourself, but "economical" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Plus, then it would be "Two C's and an E" and that would derail the rhythm I'm trying to create here. And as some of you know, I call myself cheap with pride. I'm always looking for free entertainment, whether it's a trip to the library or zoo, or something to do at home. So I'm going to share some of the best ideas I've come up with (and borrowed) to amuse children at home. Some are crafty and some are not, but all are creative and fun.
Toe Painting:
This is one of my favourite memories with J. We were finger painting and he sat in the paint. Fortunately, I had covered the entire floor plan (not just the floor) with newspaper and we were painting on several sheets of Bristol board. He got up and stepped in the paint, and started using his feet to create a masterpiece. He was slipping and sliding all over the place and it really wasn't a great picture, but it was a lot of fun. Caution: if you do this activity make sure you have plenty of old rags and towels for quick wiping, some wet and some dry. Also be sure to have a clear and protected path to the bath tub (I like to fill the bath tub before bringing out the paint, just to be extra sure).
Laundry Basket Ride:
A laundry basket is the perfect mode of transportation for a child of 1-3 years. Whether you have carpet or hard wood it slides along easily (I put it on a towel to protect wood though). It's basically a version of an indoor wagon, but the bending and stretching and pulling will give you a workout too, so you can reduce your gym time by ten minutes, at least. It's not much different than sailing along on a ride-on toy, but it's wacky enough that the kids will be thrilled.
Matching Games:
Cut out pictures from old magazines. Get a bunch of construction paper or baskets (tuppy dishes work well too) and have your child sort the pictures according to a theme. For younger children use something simple, like colours or animals. Older children will be challenged if they get a bunch of random pictures and have to come up with their own theme, like all women wearing blue, or things starting with S. Or you could also employ the older children to cut out the pictures for the younger ones.
Holiday Banners:
This is appropriate for whatever holiday is coming up, and a great way to spend an afternoon. Using construction paper or card stock, cut out several holiday shapes. We did one with eggs for Easter, but you can use ghosts for Halloween or wreaths and trees for Christmas. It's easier if you use a stencil to get many shapes at once, but do what you like. You will be placing them on a ribbon to hang as a banner, so the number of shapes depends on the length of your banner. Once the shapes are ready, have your children decorate them with markers, crayons, glitter glue, stickers, googly eyes, or whatever else they want to stick on there. Punch a hole in the top of each shape (you can stack them to do several at once) and string them along your ribbon. You can use string in a pinch, but a ribbon will hold the pieces in place while they're hanging more than a string will. Position them an equal distance apart and hang on a wall or in a door frame. As an alternative, you can cut your shapes from old greeting cards.
Play Dough Restaurant:
I came up with this one on a rainy day. There are only so many convincing animals I can make with play dough, so I went to the cupboard to find something unique. There was tons of stuff in there that goes well with play dough, so J and I started a pretend restaurant. We used old ice cube trays to make muffins, cookie cutters to make cookies (obviously), and other tuppy dishes to be molds for burgers and sandwiches. A dull butter knife or a ruler makes wonderful noodles after the dough is rolled out. I never understood why some people spend money on play dough "accessories," when things around the house work just as well and are free. Paper towel rolls, the flat bottom of dishes and shiny books can all be used to roll and shape the dough. We have also had a play dough library, bakery, movie store, pet shop and train station.
Tissue Paper Collage:
This is a fun and unique artsy project. You can buy tissue paper at any dollar store so go do that. Let your child rip it up as much as he wants, just be sure it all stays in a semblance of a neat pile so you can use it. Once you have amassed a collection of tissue bits, get a piece of paper. Any one will do, but the thicker it is the longer it will last. Get a paint brush and dip it in watered down craft glue (about 1/3 water, 2/3 glue). Have your child cover the paper with glue and start sticking. Eventually it will be mostly covered, but if there are blank areas water down the glue a bit more and dab it on them. Stick more pieces on until there is a finished masterpiece. If your child wants, you can wait until it's completely dry before dotting on more glue (watered or not) and attaching buttons or pom poms. There really is no point to this craft except to be crafty and pass time being creative, but consider it a version of modern and abstract art, and hang it with pride. You can also have your child do this on the front of greeting cards.
Sock Maze:
This is my nutty version of a homemade marble maze. Create a maze with books or toys on the floor. Then take turns rolling a balled up sock (I use clean ones but whatever floats your boat), trying to keep it inside the maze. Whoever completes the maze or gets the farthest wins.
Movie Madness:
I'm not a big fan of turning on the TV that much, so I try to convince my children that movies can be just as fun to sort as to watch. Okay, this is really only a cheater's way to finagle your kids into straightening the living room, but it's still fun and mentally stimulating. Open all your DVD cases and sort the empty ones into a pile. Close up the ones that have the correct movie in them and have one or two children stack them neatly in a place of your choosing. Then gather all your loose DVD's and race to see who can find the most matching ones. Everyone creates a separate pile of "found and filled" DVD cases, and can add them up at the end. Then have your kids stack those neatly too. Ten minutes, at least.
Popsicle Stick Furniture (or houses or cars or roads or...):
I bought a big box of craft sticks at the dollar store years ago and we still have 2/3 of the box, although we use them all the time. Get some glue and sticks and get thinking. Glue the sticks together to create 3D models, or break them into different sizes and glue them onto paper to form pictures. My boys are obsessed with cars so we tend to go a little crazy gluing sticks to stapled-together Bristol Board to make a town for the cars to drive through. Of course it's up to me to draw the stores and parks and all that, but it's fun. The only drawback is you can't fold it easily for storage......
Make Your Own Book:
Use pictures of your family and relatives or pictures from a magazine for this one. Get a bunch of construction paper and staple it together like a book. Then glue in pictures in a random order, and you or your child can write captions for the pictures. This can be a personal photo collection with captions or a funny story with random people.
Hand Print Stuff:
Get out the finger paint again. It's time to make some hand prints. Use whatever colours and paper you'd like, but let them dry fully. Then have your children make as many silly things as they can out of the prints, with stickers, markers, hole punches, buttons, pipe cleaner, whatever comes to mind. Some ideas, from obvious to less obvious: spider, octopus or squid, a face with crazy hair, a rooster (if that's the correct gender of the chicken with a neck waddle), a city with towers, a personalized glove (okay, that one's pretty obvious).
Old Clothes Recycling:
If outgrown clothes are too ratty too pass on to someone else, I won't ever throw them out. Cut some big shapes out and help your child sew them together for a personalized pillow on his bed. You'll be doing most of the work, it's true, but they will have fun stuffing it. Or keep it intact and stuff it to make a scarecrow or over sized doll. The softer stuff can be made into a fun pillow case or bag (a purse for girls), and if you don't want to get that crafty (or you're like me and can't sew to save your life) you can cut it into painting sponges. If all else fails, cut long strips out of all the clothes and have your child tie them together to make a long rope. This can be used to decorate a wall or a window, or can also be incorporated into a game for outside. I'm not sure of the game (this is a crafty idea post, not a physical activity post) but it might involve cowboys.....
I know these ideas aren't very conventional, but that's the point. I hope some of this stuff works for you, or you can tweak some of it to suit your own needs. Thanks for reading!
Toe Painting:
This is one of my favourite memories with J. We were finger painting and he sat in the paint. Fortunately, I had covered the entire floor plan (not just the floor) with newspaper and we were painting on several sheets of Bristol board. He got up and stepped in the paint, and started using his feet to create a masterpiece. He was slipping and sliding all over the place and it really wasn't a great picture, but it was a lot of fun. Caution: if you do this activity make sure you have plenty of old rags and towels for quick wiping, some wet and some dry. Also be sure to have a clear and protected path to the bath tub (I like to fill the bath tub before bringing out the paint, just to be extra sure).
Laundry Basket Ride:
A laundry basket is the perfect mode of transportation for a child of 1-3 years. Whether you have carpet or hard wood it slides along easily (I put it on a towel to protect wood though). It's basically a version of an indoor wagon, but the bending and stretching and pulling will give you a workout too, so you can reduce your gym time by ten minutes, at least. It's not much different than sailing along on a ride-on toy, but it's wacky enough that the kids will be thrilled.
Matching Games:
Cut out pictures from old magazines. Get a bunch of construction paper or baskets (tuppy dishes work well too) and have your child sort the pictures according to a theme. For younger children use something simple, like colours or animals. Older children will be challenged if they get a bunch of random pictures and have to come up with their own theme, like all women wearing blue, or things starting with S. Or you could also employ the older children to cut out the pictures for the younger ones.
Holiday Banners:
This is appropriate for whatever holiday is coming up, and a great way to spend an afternoon. Using construction paper or card stock, cut out several holiday shapes. We did one with eggs for Easter, but you can use ghosts for Halloween or wreaths and trees for Christmas. It's easier if you use a stencil to get many shapes at once, but do what you like. You will be placing them on a ribbon to hang as a banner, so the number of shapes depends on the length of your banner. Once the shapes are ready, have your children decorate them with markers, crayons, glitter glue, stickers, googly eyes, or whatever else they want to stick on there. Punch a hole in the top of each shape (you can stack them to do several at once) and string them along your ribbon. You can use string in a pinch, but a ribbon will hold the pieces in place while they're hanging more than a string will. Position them an equal distance apart and hang on a wall or in a door frame. As an alternative, you can cut your shapes from old greeting cards.
Play Dough Restaurant:
I came up with this one on a rainy day. There are only so many convincing animals I can make with play dough, so I went to the cupboard to find something unique. There was tons of stuff in there that goes well with play dough, so J and I started a pretend restaurant. We used old ice cube trays to make muffins, cookie cutters to make cookies (obviously), and other tuppy dishes to be molds for burgers and sandwiches. A dull butter knife or a ruler makes wonderful noodles after the dough is rolled out. I never understood why some people spend money on play dough "accessories," when things around the house work just as well and are free. Paper towel rolls, the flat bottom of dishes and shiny books can all be used to roll and shape the dough. We have also had a play dough library, bakery, movie store, pet shop and train station.
Tissue Paper Collage:
This is a fun and unique artsy project. You can buy tissue paper at any dollar store so go do that. Let your child rip it up as much as he wants, just be sure it all stays in a semblance of a neat pile so you can use it. Once you have amassed a collection of tissue bits, get a piece of paper. Any one will do, but the thicker it is the longer it will last. Get a paint brush and dip it in watered down craft glue (about 1/3 water, 2/3 glue). Have your child cover the paper with glue and start sticking. Eventually it will be mostly covered, but if there are blank areas water down the glue a bit more and dab it on them. Stick more pieces on until there is a finished masterpiece. If your child wants, you can wait until it's completely dry before dotting on more glue (watered or not) and attaching buttons or pom poms. There really is no point to this craft except to be crafty and pass time being creative, but consider it a version of modern and abstract art, and hang it with pride. You can also have your child do this on the front of greeting cards.
Sock Maze:
This is my nutty version of a homemade marble maze. Create a maze with books or toys on the floor. Then take turns rolling a balled up sock (I use clean ones but whatever floats your boat), trying to keep it inside the maze. Whoever completes the maze or gets the farthest wins.
Movie Madness:
I'm not a big fan of turning on the TV that much, so I try to convince my children that movies can be just as fun to sort as to watch. Okay, this is really only a cheater's way to finagle your kids into straightening the living room, but it's still fun and mentally stimulating. Open all your DVD cases and sort the empty ones into a pile. Close up the ones that have the correct movie in them and have one or two children stack them neatly in a place of your choosing. Then gather all your loose DVD's and race to see who can find the most matching ones. Everyone creates a separate pile of "found and filled" DVD cases, and can add them up at the end. Then have your kids stack those neatly too. Ten minutes, at least.
Popsicle Stick Furniture (or houses or cars or roads or...):
I bought a big box of craft sticks at the dollar store years ago and we still have 2/3 of the box, although we use them all the time. Get some glue and sticks and get thinking. Glue the sticks together to create 3D models, or break them into different sizes and glue them onto paper to form pictures. My boys are obsessed with cars so we tend to go a little crazy gluing sticks to stapled-together Bristol Board to make a town for the cars to drive through. Of course it's up to me to draw the stores and parks and all that, but it's fun. The only drawback is you can't fold it easily for storage......
Make Your Own Book:
Use pictures of your family and relatives or pictures from a magazine for this one. Get a bunch of construction paper and staple it together like a book. Then glue in pictures in a random order, and you or your child can write captions for the pictures. This can be a personal photo collection with captions or a funny story with random people.
Hand Print Stuff:
Get out the finger paint again. It's time to make some hand prints. Use whatever colours and paper you'd like, but let them dry fully. Then have your children make as many silly things as they can out of the prints, with stickers, markers, hole punches, buttons, pipe cleaner, whatever comes to mind. Some ideas, from obvious to less obvious: spider, octopus or squid, a face with crazy hair, a rooster (if that's the correct gender of the chicken with a neck waddle), a city with towers, a personalized glove (okay, that one's pretty obvious).
Old Clothes Recycling:
If outgrown clothes are too ratty too pass on to someone else, I won't ever throw them out. Cut some big shapes out and help your child sew them together for a personalized pillow on his bed. You'll be doing most of the work, it's true, but they will have fun stuffing it. Or keep it intact and stuff it to make a scarecrow or over sized doll. The softer stuff can be made into a fun pillow case or bag (a purse for girls), and if you don't want to get that crafty (or you're like me and can't sew to save your life) you can cut it into painting sponges. If all else fails, cut long strips out of all the clothes and have your child tie them together to make a long rope. This can be used to decorate a wall or a window, or can also be incorporated into a game for outside. I'm not sure of the game (this is a crafty idea post, not a physical activity post) but it might involve cowboys.....
I know these ideas aren't very conventional, but that's the point. I hope some of this stuff works for you, or you can tweak some of it to suit your own needs. Thanks for reading!
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