With so much written about E and his sleep patterns lately, I am going to write about J today. I mentioned earlier that he has some behavioural issues that suggest anxiety. I will say first that I don't know for sure that's it, because he hasn't been diagnosed. I've been reading a lot about it though, and it makes sense. Many of the symptoms present like ADHD, but the difference is that ADHD is evident mostly at school and across all situations. J has no problems at school, either paying attention, sitting still, or getting along with peers, but he does have difficulty with these same things at home.
Things have been escalating lately. Most of his days and interactions at home are positive, and there are some identifiable triggers to his meltdowns which I can avoid. When his mood turns sulky or sad, I can usually help him to turn it around, but there are times when nothing works. In the past two weeks he has hit me three times, and had several occasions where he has run away from me during a conversation to go cry in his room. These latest episodes haven't had triggers that I can recognize, and calming him down is a process that takes a lot of time.
Add that to the fact that his verbal outbursts are becoming much more insulting, and I even heard the first "I hate you" last week. I know every child is going to say that to their parents at least once (I remember very clearly the first and only time I ever said it to my own mom), but I thought he might be a little older before he pulled that one out of the hat.
Anyway, I have gone through the necessary channels to join a support group for families experiencing emotional difficulties, and had the first meeting with the social worker last week. J is on the waiting list for group therapy for children with anxiety and fear. That's a good thing, but the waiting might be problematic. He starts in either April or September, depending when they have a group for his age. So we either wait a couple weeks or six months.
I decided to read some of the recommended books for kids with anxiety, because even if he isn't diagnosed as an anxious child, it may help with some of his emotional struggles. The books I've read have been incredibly useful. They help parents with age-appropriate communication and labels for what the child is experiencing. I think the name "Brain Train" says enough. I'm hoping that he will learn to recognize and identify his emotions, and respond to them a little more appropriately than he has been.
He also needs to work on paying attention at home, but the sticker charts that I mentioned a couple weeks ago weren't working. I don't know if it's because he's too old for them, but whenever I told him to put up a sticker he would forget, so we never had the right numbers. I tweaked the method a little, and now he has a target goal to reach every day for good listening. If he reaches his goal, he earns a marble to put in a cup. At the end of the week he can have his cup full of marbles. He's very excited about this and it puts me in charge of the recording. This is a way to focus on what he's doing that's positive, and I'm hoping it will make him feel a bit more appreciated and confident.
It's too early to tell if either the books or the marbles are going to be effective, but I feel good about it. Even if we have to adapt some of the techniques to fit our family, it's more ideas than I had a month ago. And now I have professionals to give me advice as well when I need it. It's hard for me to accept that I need help with parenting issues, especially being a former behavioural counsellor. But for J's sake I'll get over it and take the opportunity to learn as much as I can, so I can keep helping him like a mom should.
No comments:
Post a Comment