I am just going to refer to Jimmy (5) as J, and Eddie as E. This simplifies my life so much. This post is about video games, but not so much limiting the time they are played as limiting the types that are played. Recap: J has two blocks of video game time per day (one on school days). He earns up to 30 minutes of video game time for each block, with activities like writing, colouring, counting money, reading, or anything else that develops his mind.
The games J plays are appropriate for his age. Much older kids play them too, but there is no inappropriate content and they are rated E for everyone. Anything Mario, Sonic, and various sports and fitness games make up his collection. I don't allow fighting games, gun games, or anything not rated E.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to let children play games that are little more mature if they can handle it. J can't. He has nightmares and night terrors, and a high level of anxiety about anything questionable, so it's not a good idea to expose him to mature themes and violence.
Just as I understand that some children can handle things easier than J, I don't understand how anyone can let a five year old play a game that is rated for the 18 plus age group. 17+ games have violence and blood, while 18+ have gratuitous sexual content. I am talking about games like Grand Theft Auto, in which the player has the option to buy the services of a prostitute (they call them much worse), and then kill her afterward to get their money back.
J went to a friend's house a couple of months ago for a proposed sleepover. He called before eating dinner and wanted to come home. I knew something was wrong by the way he was acting, but he wouldn't tell me anything until bedtime. He was afraid he was going to get into trouble, because when he arrived his friends were playing a game that was way too mature for their age.
It was rated 18+, and featured killing zombies, lots of weapons, lots of blood, lots of sexual content, and lots of bad language. He was terrified I was going to be angry with him for even watching them play it for a few minutes. He went downstairs and asked his friend's mom to turn it off, and she did. Apparently she wasn't angry that they were playing it though. It was a non-issue. When I picked him up and asked if there was anything that had upset him, she said no, he was just homesick.
It affected J a lot though. He had nightmares for over a week about it, and his anxiety level was through the roof. He kept looking over his shoulder and didn't even play his own video games for three days, which don't feature any guns.
I'm not one to judge other parents for the choices they make for their own children. I do want to know that there's some common sense involved when my child is at their house. I was angry for J's sake, and angry that she didn't even mention it. I haven't really spoken to her since, but J and that boy are best friends and it's been months since they've seen each other.
Several parents have given me advice on how to deal with this, such as talk to her about it, or only let them play together here, but I have still procrastinated. I don't have a problem with confrontation, but I don't want J to lose a good friend over this and I know how sensitive people can be about parenting decisions.
I need to do something though, because J has a play date with this boy in the next week or two, and I don't want it happening again. He has been invited to their house, so I will probably ask her to keep track of what games they are playing and keep the visit under two hours. J's anxiety has gone up again, because although he is excited about seeing his friend again, he has been asking me what to do if it happens again. I have told him I will talk to her first, but he can't quite accept that and keeps asking.
Everyone has different parenting philosophies and I try not to judge other people. I know I'm not perfect. But when it involves my child's well-being then I have to say something. It's good for kids to experience different households and different rules and routines, but I have to draw the line somewhere, and I draw it there.
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