Last year we had a healthy crop of grape tomatoes in our garden. This year they are out of control. Apparently it's rare for tomatoes to reseed and grow year after year, but some do and ours were included. This year we have three times as many vines and about ten times as many tomatoes. I was planning on making homemade salsa and tomato sauce, and even picked up a few Mason jars for canning (jarring?). I have picked a total of forty tomatoes so far, but only 3 have made it to the freezer. I haven't made sauce or served tomatoes for dinner. I haven't had a tomato sandwich or even eaten any myself. They have all gone to E, my little tomato monster.
P and I picked a few last night, and left them on the counter to ripen before freezing. Unfortunately, they were the first thing E saw upon waking and that was his breakfast. Nothing else, just a bowl of tomatoes. He didn't want toast or anything, and no cereal, no yogurt. When he was done all he said was "More matoes?" and went outside to check the tomato plants himself. Turns out I'd left four on the vine, and he found those. Then he had a screaming fit because the rest were green. When I told him they weren't ripe, he started yelling at them to get ripe. It was fun.
I'm glad E likes tomatoes, so I'm not complaining about that. But sometimes I wish I got some tomatoes too. If I want my own tomatoes, I have to buy them from the grocery store and hide them in the fridge. I can only eat tomatoes when E is asleep. If he ever finds them in the fridge, I won't ingest another tomato in this lifetime.
It's very similar to J and my vanilla yogurt. I get large yogurt tubs for the kids because they go through so much of it, and the small ones for me because I prefer the fruity ones. I look forward to the three little vanilla ones in each package though, because it's kind of a treat. The problem is, I can never seem to find those three little vanilla yogurts. J takes them faster than I can put them away. I don't know why my mini yogurt cups are more appealing than a bowl of his own from a large container, but somehow they are. So I have to hide those as well, and also the packaging it comes in because J can read now and if he knows there were vanilla cups in there at one point, he will tear the kitchen apart looking for them.
So I can only eat those when both kids are asleep. Mind you with J going back to school I might be able to sneak in a forbidden yogurt during E's nap time now, along with my tomatoes and coffee. I suppose I should consider myself lucky though. Most kids who sneak food are sneaking junk food. Little hands dipped into the cookie jar leaving obvious crumbs all over the place, or a clandestine date with the chocolate ice cream. My children are sneaking tomatoes and yogurt. Still, I have a right to complain when I want those tomatoes and yogurt, right?
Tuesday 27 August 2013
Back to reality
As I mentioned before, the kids were away at my mom's last week. I went up to meet them on Friday and we all went to a family reunion on Saturday, only to drive back home on Sunday. Five days of a different routine, followed by a busy weekend and hours of driving, only to come home and get back into the swing of things has taken a toll on all of us. I'm trying to be understanding here, but it's surprising to me that E is more adaptable than J. Yes, E's had a problem going to sleep in his own bed, but aside from that he's done pretty well.
J on the other hand, has been driving me (and everyone else) crazy for the past two days. I don't say this in the insulting sense, because he's deliberately trying to drive me nuts. I am acknowledging this fact and giving him a nod for a job well done. He's been fighting with everything I say, picking on his brother and blatantly ignoring the rules.
To illustrate, I will start with the first. I am anticipating a loud and angry "No" every time I open my mouth:
"Eat your dinner." "NO!"
"Let's tidy up our toys." "NO!"
"Want to go for a walk?" "NO!"
"Want some ice cream?" "NO! Wait a minute, that was an accident."
Now I have been trying to teach him that the rules are just as important at home as they are at school. At school, he's a different kid. No arguing, no distracted behaviour, no testing and no rudeness. I had to show his teacher a picture to make sure we were talking about the same child, come to think of it. I have also tried to impart that one of the biggest rules is he is not allowed to say no to me, unless it's an opinion question. No is okay if I ask him does he want a drink, but if I ask him to pick something up, he is not, under any circumstance, allowed to refuse. I am his mother and his job is to listen to me. So far, the message isn't being received.
Now on to his brother. E is extremely well-behaved for his age. He is almost two, and despite arguing with requests (I wonder where he picked that up) he will pay attention and listen. He also knows where everything goes and isn't happy unless things are the way they should be. He will close doors that are open, sort toys into their proper places and make sure everyone has pants on. He is prone to bouts of affection, when he comes to me wanting "Nuggles," and increasingly to J too. J was becoming more aware of how to treat E, and had stopped grabbing toys from him and crowding his space, but since we got back he has relapsed. Any toy that E has is snatched up by J within less than a minute, and he has taken to blocking his way and holding him in one place again when E wants to move. It's telling that one of E's first words was "space." J has had several Time Outs for this behaviour, and I know it's only been two days but I'm hoping that I see some improvement soon because every time J breaks the rules, E tries the same. Modelling good behaviour only works when it's good behaviour that is modeled, and right now J is not doing that at all.
That leads me to ignoring the rules. It's pretty standard (in our house at least) that we don't act rude, we don't try to hurt people and we aren't selfish. Well, J has been consistently rude and selfish, and his actions have led to his brother being hurt a couple times. It's just minor, but today when E reached for a toy, J knocked him down. Then he said (in a very mean tone), "No, you don't do that. That's MY car, not yours." By this time E was crying on the floor, because although he wasn't hurt his big brother had pushed him down and was now yelling at him.
This is just another example of routine changing and a retesting of the rules that have been established a thousand times, I know. It's still disheartening that we go through this every other week. I know from personal experience as a behavioural counsellor that this is normal and healthy, and that some children simply test more than others. J is a tester. He always will be. It's not his fault and it would be a lot worse if he didn't get consistency, but still. I wish just once instead of testing the rules that he's known for years, he would come home and say, "Mommy, I know the rules. I trust you that they haven't changed and I'm just going to follow them from now on." Wishful thinking maybe, but isn't it still a little bit possible?
J on the other hand, has been driving me (and everyone else) crazy for the past two days. I don't say this in the insulting sense, because he's deliberately trying to drive me nuts. I am acknowledging this fact and giving him a nod for a job well done. He's been fighting with everything I say, picking on his brother and blatantly ignoring the rules.
To illustrate, I will start with the first. I am anticipating a loud and angry "No" every time I open my mouth:
"Eat your dinner." "NO!"
"Let's tidy up our toys." "NO!"
"Want to go for a walk?" "NO!"
"Want some ice cream?" "NO! Wait a minute, that was an accident."
Now I have been trying to teach him that the rules are just as important at home as they are at school. At school, he's a different kid. No arguing, no distracted behaviour, no testing and no rudeness. I had to show his teacher a picture to make sure we were talking about the same child, come to think of it. I have also tried to impart that one of the biggest rules is he is not allowed to say no to me, unless it's an opinion question. No is okay if I ask him does he want a drink, but if I ask him to pick something up, he is not, under any circumstance, allowed to refuse. I am his mother and his job is to listen to me. So far, the message isn't being received.
Now on to his brother. E is extremely well-behaved for his age. He is almost two, and despite arguing with requests (I wonder where he picked that up) he will pay attention and listen. He also knows where everything goes and isn't happy unless things are the way they should be. He will close doors that are open, sort toys into their proper places and make sure everyone has pants on. He is prone to bouts of affection, when he comes to me wanting "Nuggles," and increasingly to J too. J was becoming more aware of how to treat E, and had stopped grabbing toys from him and crowding his space, but since we got back he has relapsed. Any toy that E has is snatched up by J within less than a minute, and he has taken to blocking his way and holding him in one place again when E wants to move. It's telling that one of E's first words was "space." J has had several Time Outs for this behaviour, and I know it's only been two days but I'm hoping that I see some improvement soon because every time J breaks the rules, E tries the same. Modelling good behaviour only works when it's good behaviour that is modeled, and right now J is not doing that at all.
That leads me to ignoring the rules. It's pretty standard (in our house at least) that we don't act rude, we don't try to hurt people and we aren't selfish. Well, J has been consistently rude and selfish, and his actions have led to his brother being hurt a couple times. It's just minor, but today when E reached for a toy, J knocked him down. Then he said (in a very mean tone), "No, you don't do that. That's MY car, not yours." By this time E was crying on the floor, because although he wasn't hurt his big brother had pushed him down and was now yelling at him.
This is just another example of routine changing and a retesting of the rules that have been established a thousand times, I know. It's still disheartening that we go through this every other week. I know from personal experience as a behavioural counsellor that this is normal and healthy, and that some children simply test more than others. J is a tester. He always will be. It's not his fault and it would be a lot worse if he didn't get consistency, but still. I wish just once instead of testing the rules that he's known for years, he would come home and say, "Mommy, I know the rules. I trust you that they haven't changed and I'm just going to follow them from now on." Wishful thinking maybe, but isn't it still a little bit possible?
Tuesday 20 August 2013
An issue for parents (and teens, tweens, boys, girls....)
I just finished writing an article about sexualization of youth in today's society. While I can't disclose anything specific I wrote about, doing the research made me think about many things, and I want to share my opinion on the topic.
The teenage dress code seems to be getting smaller. By that I mean skirts and shorts are shorter, shirts are shorter, tighter, and sometimes nonexistent. What passes for clothes nowadays could also pass for underwear. I was shocked by the shameless display of flesh before researching my article, and wondered why parents would let their girls dress that way. Then I got confused, because I started noticing that many parents were dressing the same way. What's worse is I've seen toddlers in this type of clothing, clearly designed to be sexy and provocative. A sexy toddler?
Unfortunately it can be seen everywhere. Most people are familiar with child beauty pageants, which openly define children, toddlers and even babies as appealing. It's not just about beauty anymore, it's about being desirable. Shouldn't we let our kids be kids before they start thinking about how "desirable" they are? In my opinion, this is an extremely dangerous trend, for girls and boys of all ages.
I can't discuss the trend further, without referring to my article so I would like to touch on a few things about parents, their children, and the parent-child relationship regarding this issue. Most parents know how their girls dress, and some even buy the clothing. This is true for young children anyhow, but as kids get older they start shopping on their own. Some parents have no idea what clothes their children are buying because the kids hide it. Other parents believe that it's out of their hands, because the girls are shopping on their own, perhaps earning their own money. And besides, isn't everyone dressing this way? What parent wants to see their child ostracized because she can't wear revealing, "cool" clothing? Or maybe in their insecurity parents are just letting it go, because they don't want to have yet another fight with their teen, or Heaven forbid, be old-fashioned.
I have a confession. I am old-fashioned. I embrace it. I hold on to the older ideals of family life (which is why my husband and I work so hard for me to stay at home) and I believe kids should have rules and boundaries. I believe that parents and guardians should be the most involved people in their children's lives, and I believe that the lasting lessons should also be taught by these people. I believe kids will try to get away with certain things at certain ages, and that parents need to be on top of it. I believe teenagers aren't old enough to know what they want or the consequences of their actions unless they are guided to think about it clearly. I believe that I will be one of the nosiest, involved and possibly overbearing mothers when my boys are teenagers, and I will know most, if not all, of what's going on in their lives. I also believe that if they don't like it, tough! I am their mother and I call the shots until they move out.
There are some things I want too, the main one being that when J and E are older they are comfortable to come talk to me. I may be old-fashioned but I will always try to understand from their perspectives. I want them to learn to think things through before making a decision, and I especially want them to know that their worth is not based on a high school definition based on what's popular at the time. In short, I want them to be confident and aware enough to make smart decisions, be true to themselves and talk to me when they need to.
I understand that sexy clothing is an issue more relevant to girls. I don't know for sure, but I don't think that J will ever come home in spankies and a tube top. Or E for that matter. But this trend will still affect them. It will determine the types of friends they have growing up, their definitions of what's normal and expected and their understanding about gender differences. It will also be apparent once they start dating. I don't know what the clothing trend is going to be in ten years, but I will not allow a girl in this house if she would be better suited for an almost-nude beach. Yes, Ive seen girls wearing so little clothing to school that this qualifies.
Now that you are aware of my opinion on the matter, I'll talk about some of the things we as parents can do to change, or guide our kids toward healthy choices. The way we dress is a direct reflection on ourselves, and although some parents may want their preteen girls sending a message of sexual availability to boys and men alike, I hope those parents are not in the majority.
The first thing we can do is talk. I'm a big fan of talking (ask anyone whose been stuck in a room with me for five minutes) and we need to teach our kids early that we want to talk to them. An early foundation will lead the way to lifelong communication. At least I hope so. I'm going on that philosophy, so I will tell you all if I'm right when the boys are in college. When they're young it's more about telling them things, and as they get older it becomes about questioning. We still have the right to tell a 17 year-old what to do, but it's more effective if we start with a question. Ask why your kids want to dress this way, and what statement they think they're making by doing it? Then ask if everyone else is making the same statement, and they might just realize that when everyone is saying the same thing, it doesn't qualify as much of a statement. It's also important with older kids to discuss the consequences of dressing this way. If they dress to be available, what happens when someone takes them too literally? Scaring teenagers with a possible reality is necessary, because reality is sometimes scary and we can't protect them from that forever.
Another important thing to remember is that while children grow and become more independent, it doesn't mean we should be less involved. Involvement simply takes a different form. Have your kids invite their friends over to your place. They will amuse themselves but it's a great chance for you to keep an eye on them and spot any red flags. Awareness is the key to involvement with older kids, and if something happens that makes you wonder, talk to your child about it privately later. You can also volunteer to drive friends to sports practice or a movie. Most parents are relieved when they get out of taxi service for a bunch of teenagers, but for me it will be another chance to supervise without seeming obvious. Know your kids friends. Know their parents. Be involved and aware and listen when they don't think you're listening.
At any age it's good to tell your child what their strengths are. They may be athletic, intelligent or extremely good at singing the Beatles a capello while performing on a unicycle. Whatever it is they are good at, encourage it. Celebrate with your child their achievements and they will develop a sense of pride in something outside appearance. Take some time to talk to them about their friends now. What is great about them? Who is their best friend and why? This will help children realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and start to evaluate people based on more than appearance. In ten years everyone will look different, and it's important to show your kid that personality traits are usually a bit more permanent than an appealing body.
One more thing we can do is take a look at ourselves. If parents are modelling age-inappropriate behaviour then of course our kids will follow. Question why you think you should be the "cool parent," and instead use your behaviour as an example of responsibility. Phases will pass if they are just phases, but if a child is taught that being "cool" is a priority, they will always follow the crowd. If they have appropriate role models, they will come back to reality once their phase has passed. As a parent, your kids aren't supposed to like you much of the time. If you offer sound advice and reasonable expectations, they will come to you again and again for advice, even if they hate what you say. Relax because they don't really hate you, they just think they do because they hate needing you. And they do need you.
Those are some of my thoughts on this trend of sexualization. Parents need to start young because kids are hit with the message young. Always be aware of what your children are exposed to, what they are trying and who they hang out with. Don't stop being involved because teenagers are older. Talk to them and guide them. Do you really want your son to grow up and think he will marry a supermodel? Or your daughter to grow up thinking her sole positive attribute is her appearance?
The teenage dress code seems to be getting smaller. By that I mean skirts and shorts are shorter, shirts are shorter, tighter, and sometimes nonexistent. What passes for clothes nowadays could also pass for underwear. I was shocked by the shameless display of flesh before researching my article, and wondered why parents would let their girls dress that way. Then I got confused, because I started noticing that many parents were dressing the same way. What's worse is I've seen toddlers in this type of clothing, clearly designed to be sexy and provocative. A sexy toddler?
Unfortunately it can be seen everywhere. Most people are familiar with child beauty pageants, which openly define children, toddlers and even babies as appealing. It's not just about beauty anymore, it's about being desirable. Shouldn't we let our kids be kids before they start thinking about how "desirable" they are? In my opinion, this is an extremely dangerous trend, for girls and boys of all ages.
I can't discuss the trend further, without referring to my article so I would like to touch on a few things about parents, their children, and the parent-child relationship regarding this issue. Most parents know how their girls dress, and some even buy the clothing. This is true for young children anyhow, but as kids get older they start shopping on their own. Some parents have no idea what clothes their children are buying because the kids hide it. Other parents believe that it's out of their hands, because the girls are shopping on their own, perhaps earning their own money. And besides, isn't everyone dressing this way? What parent wants to see their child ostracized because she can't wear revealing, "cool" clothing? Or maybe in their insecurity parents are just letting it go, because they don't want to have yet another fight with their teen, or Heaven forbid, be old-fashioned.
I have a confession. I am old-fashioned. I embrace it. I hold on to the older ideals of family life (which is why my husband and I work so hard for me to stay at home) and I believe kids should have rules and boundaries. I believe that parents and guardians should be the most involved people in their children's lives, and I believe that the lasting lessons should also be taught by these people. I believe kids will try to get away with certain things at certain ages, and that parents need to be on top of it. I believe teenagers aren't old enough to know what they want or the consequences of their actions unless they are guided to think about it clearly. I believe that I will be one of the nosiest, involved and possibly overbearing mothers when my boys are teenagers, and I will know most, if not all, of what's going on in their lives. I also believe that if they don't like it, tough! I am their mother and I call the shots until they move out.
There are some things I want too, the main one being that when J and E are older they are comfortable to come talk to me. I may be old-fashioned but I will always try to understand from their perspectives. I want them to learn to think things through before making a decision, and I especially want them to know that their worth is not based on a high school definition based on what's popular at the time. In short, I want them to be confident and aware enough to make smart decisions, be true to themselves and talk to me when they need to.
I understand that sexy clothing is an issue more relevant to girls. I don't know for sure, but I don't think that J will ever come home in spankies and a tube top. Or E for that matter. But this trend will still affect them. It will determine the types of friends they have growing up, their definitions of what's normal and expected and their understanding about gender differences. It will also be apparent once they start dating. I don't know what the clothing trend is going to be in ten years, but I will not allow a girl in this house if she would be better suited for an almost-nude beach. Yes, Ive seen girls wearing so little clothing to school that this qualifies.
Now that you are aware of my opinion on the matter, I'll talk about some of the things we as parents can do to change, or guide our kids toward healthy choices. The way we dress is a direct reflection on ourselves, and although some parents may want their preteen girls sending a message of sexual availability to boys and men alike, I hope those parents are not in the majority.
The first thing we can do is talk. I'm a big fan of talking (ask anyone whose been stuck in a room with me for five minutes) and we need to teach our kids early that we want to talk to them. An early foundation will lead the way to lifelong communication. At least I hope so. I'm going on that philosophy, so I will tell you all if I'm right when the boys are in college. When they're young it's more about telling them things, and as they get older it becomes about questioning. We still have the right to tell a 17 year-old what to do, but it's more effective if we start with a question. Ask why your kids want to dress this way, and what statement they think they're making by doing it? Then ask if everyone else is making the same statement, and they might just realize that when everyone is saying the same thing, it doesn't qualify as much of a statement. It's also important with older kids to discuss the consequences of dressing this way. If they dress to be available, what happens when someone takes them too literally? Scaring teenagers with a possible reality is necessary, because reality is sometimes scary and we can't protect them from that forever.
Another important thing to remember is that while children grow and become more independent, it doesn't mean we should be less involved. Involvement simply takes a different form. Have your kids invite their friends over to your place. They will amuse themselves but it's a great chance for you to keep an eye on them and spot any red flags. Awareness is the key to involvement with older kids, and if something happens that makes you wonder, talk to your child about it privately later. You can also volunteer to drive friends to sports practice or a movie. Most parents are relieved when they get out of taxi service for a bunch of teenagers, but for me it will be another chance to supervise without seeming obvious. Know your kids friends. Know their parents. Be involved and aware and listen when they don't think you're listening.
At any age it's good to tell your child what their strengths are. They may be athletic, intelligent or extremely good at singing the Beatles a capello while performing on a unicycle. Whatever it is they are good at, encourage it. Celebrate with your child their achievements and they will develop a sense of pride in something outside appearance. Take some time to talk to them about their friends now. What is great about them? Who is their best friend and why? This will help children realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and start to evaluate people based on more than appearance. In ten years everyone will look different, and it's important to show your kid that personality traits are usually a bit more permanent than an appealing body.
One more thing we can do is take a look at ourselves. If parents are modelling age-inappropriate behaviour then of course our kids will follow. Question why you think you should be the "cool parent," and instead use your behaviour as an example of responsibility. Phases will pass if they are just phases, but if a child is taught that being "cool" is a priority, they will always follow the crowd. If they have appropriate role models, they will come back to reality once their phase has passed. As a parent, your kids aren't supposed to like you much of the time. If you offer sound advice and reasonable expectations, they will come to you again and again for advice, even if they hate what you say. Relax because they don't really hate you, they just think they do because they hate needing you. And they do need you.
Those are some of my thoughts on this trend of sexualization. Parents need to start young because kids are hit with the message young. Always be aware of what your children are exposed to, what they are trying and who they hang out with. Don't stop being involved because teenagers are older. Talk to them and guide them. Do you really want your son to grow up and think he will marry a supermodel? Or your daughter to grow up thinking her sole positive attribute is her appearance?
Friday 9 August 2013
A week off....
My mom's taking the kids for a week soon. Normally, I would go spend the week with my mom too, but this time I've decided to stay home and have some time for myself. First, I will say that I'm slightly concerned about E. Of course my mom is more than capable and I know she'll show them a fun time, but E has been regressing somewhat in regards to separation anxiety. To avoid being too redundant, since I've written several times about his dependence on me, I will just say that it's nearly impossible for me to go out without him, even for twenty minutes. Or for him to go out and me to stay home.
This could be an interesting week for him, or he might surprise me and forget about me as soon as I leave. Either way, it will probably be good for him. The timing may be perfect or horrible, I'm not sure, but if he adjusts easily then perhaps when the week is over he will be a little less clingy with me.
I'm not concerned about J missing me. He's been sick of me for years and as long as I call to say good night every day he'll be fine.
With the kid concerns out of the way, now it's time to focus on myself. What on earth am I going to do for a week without my children to run around after? I have some ideas, for example, I intend to kill the back garden. There are weeds that look like lilies taking over my back yard, and every year they get worse. I have waged a war against them, but no matter how much I dig they just keep coming back. So I will spend a day leveling the garden then choking them off with plastic, before covering them with huge planters so they have nowhere to come back to. I also have a vine to annihilate at the side of our house, which has proven almost as stubborn as the ditch lilies. So that's one day taken care of.
I will be painting the doors, frames and cupboards upstairs. I wanted to do an interesting colour but white goes with everything else, so white it is. I'm not a very good painter, historically speaking, but that could be because painting while supervising two boys isn't a reasonable goal. I might be ten times improved if I'm here alone!
Two days down, three to go. I will be going to the gym every day, and actually getting long workouts. I've perfected the art of "efficient exercise," where I can burn 400 calories in 25 minutes. Think of what I could do if I had an hour. So my next goal for that week is to lose ten pounds.
I am going to take an entire day for scrap booking too. I've fallen horribly behind in both boys scrap books, and with eight hours I'm sure I can catch up. I will get up at 6, make coffee and get down to some serious cutting and pasting. That means I have to take a special trip first to develop recent pictures, but I can do that.
I still have two more days to fill, and since I've been complaining about lack of writing time, I have devoted those days to writing. I will again get up at 6 (hey, if I have the week to myself I'm not going to waste it by sleeping in) and start writing. I will stop writing to go to the gym or eat lunch, and maybe even make dinner, but that's it. Two whole days of just writing is the same as forever, because I'm used to grabbing five minutes here and ten minutes there. So my final plan for the week is to write a novel.
That covers my day times. I've saved a little money for my upcoming anniversary, so P and I might go out for dinner once or twice. I might even talk him into some mini golf. If not, we can finish the Walking Dead series or something.
What would you do with an entire week to yourself at home? I have planned my ideal week, and I'm sorry to say it's probably boring to most of you but for me it will be perfect. Now I have to go and start planning for next summer, when my mom might take the kids again.....
This could be an interesting week for him, or he might surprise me and forget about me as soon as I leave. Either way, it will probably be good for him. The timing may be perfect or horrible, I'm not sure, but if he adjusts easily then perhaps when the week is over he will be a little less clingy with me.
I'm not concerned about J missing me. He's been sick of me for years and as long as I call to say good night every day he'll be fine.
With the kid concerns out of the way, now it's time to focus on myself. What on earth am I going to do for a week without my children to run around after? I have some ideas, for example, I intend to kill the back garden. There are weeds that look like lilies taking over my back yard, and every year they get worse. I have waged a war against them, but no matter how much I dig they just keep coming back. So I will spend a day leveling the garden then choking them off with plastic, before covering them with huge planters so they have nowhere to come back to. I also have a vine to annihilate at the side of our house, which has proven almost as stubborn as the ditch lilies. So that's one day taken care of.
I will be painting the doors, frames and cupboards upstairs. I wanted to do an interesting colour but white goes with everything else, so white it is. I'm not a very good painter, historically speaking, but that could be because painting while supervising two boys isn't a reasonable goal. I might be ten times improved if I'm here alone!
Two days down, three to go. I will be going to the gym every day, and actually getting long workouts. I've perfected the art of "efficient exercise," where I can burn 400 calories in 25 minutes. Think of what I could do if I had an hour. So my next goal for that week is to lose ten pounds.
I am going to take an entire day for scrap booking too. I've fallen horribly behind in both boys scrap books, and with eight hours I'm sure I can catch up. I will get up at 6, make coffee and get down to some serious cutting and pasting. That means I have to take a special trip first to develop recent pictures, but I can do that.
I still have two more days to fill, and since I've been complaining about lack of writing time, I have devoted those days to writing. I will again get up at 6 (hey, if I have the week to myself I'm not going to waste it by sleeping in) and start writing. I will stop writing to go to the gym or eat lunch, and maybe even make dinner, but that's it. Two whole days of just writing is the same as forever, because I'm used to grabbing five minutes here and ten minutes there. So my final plan for the week is to write a novel.
That covers my day times. I've saved a little money for my upcoming anniversary, so P and I might go out for dinner once or twice. I might even talk him into some mini golf. If not, we can finish the Walking Dead series or something.
What would you do with an entire week to yourself at home? I have planned my ideal week, and I'm sorry to say it's probably boring to most of you but for me it will be perfect. Now I have to go and start planning for next summer, when my mom might take the kids again.....
Thursday 8 August 2013
Maybe I'm doing this backwards
Maybe it's the lack of structure during the summer, or the change in routine or the hot weather. Maybe it's something completely different, but J has been acting up again. I don't know where his brain is some days, because there is nothing about throwing a muffin across the room to see if it bounces off the wall and stays in one piece that seems like a good idea to me. Or scratching my knees with his toes every time he sits at the table to eat. Or standing on the seat of the bus to jump off into the aisle.
I know there will always be days of poor judgment, but this seems like pretty extreme poor judgment on a regular basis. I want to be positive and focus on the good things, but most of what I say to him has to be about correcting his behaviour. It's a negative pattern that neither of us like, but how necessary is it? I sometimes feel if he had a little less pressure that he would act more rationally (or safely). So I think about correcting him less and letting him do his thing. But then I look at other kids his age, who don't have to hang upside-down on the pool railings or climb the walls of the church where his day camp is held. Literally, he holds on to the furniture and walks his feet up the walls until he falls on his face. And then I go back to the corrections.
It's not really a matter of letting him do it and learning he's going to get hurt. He's been hurt numerous times from lack of common sense, and I see no improvement resulting from experience. But it seems like whenever I tell him something is inappropriate or unsafe, it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it doesn't even make it to the first ear....
Now as a former behavioural counsellor, I know that repetition and consistency are the mainstays of any communication. I'm just wondering how much repetition and consistency is necessary here, because he's much more impulsive than many other children I've seen. Sure, my family tells me, "he's fine, let him be a kid." But then I see children his own age who are quite capable of thinking things through before deciding to slam an ice cream cone in someone's face (he was "trying to distract his brother"). I'm just wondering when he's going to catch up.
I know there's nothing wrong with his brain. He's a good thinker when it comes to academic stuff. It's the normal decisions that are hard. I can talk him through it so he will come up with a reasonable alternative, but that takes a long time and a lot of effort for every choice throughout a day. If I don't though, he won't even think about the choices that he can make and do the first thing that pops into his head. There was nothing in my social work history about impulse control, because my former clients were not fully functioning children who were capable of it. J is a fully functioning child, and a very smart one as well, but I have days where I truly believe he's not capable of impulse control either.
When it gets really bad (like recently) I question what I've done wrong to make him so unprepared for "normal" behaviour. I can't come up with anything specific, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a horrible parent. He gets so upset when I'm disappointed, but that doesn't stop him from being impulsive. There is no answer he can give me for why he doesn't think things through. But it breaks my heart to see him so upset because he feels like a failure. So if anyone has any similar experience, or any way to help us out, please leave a comment. I am frustrated and J is sad and the more rules we come up with for him, the worse he gets. It's a Catch-22, because if I relax about the rules then he will hurt himself or his brother, and if I tighten up on the rules he will get sad and start talking about being a horrible boy who shouldn't have anyone. Yes, these are his own words. So I may or may not be doing things backwards, but I'm not sure which way to go from here. Major parental insecurity stage in progress.......
I know there will always be days of poor judgment, but this seems like pretty extreme poor judgment on a regular basis. I want to be positive and focus on the good things, but most of what I say to him has to be about correcting his behaviour. It's a negative pattern that neither of us like, but how necessary is it? I sometimes feel if he had a little less pressure that he would act more rationally (or safely). So I think about correcting him less and letting him do his thing. But then I look at other kids his age, who don't have to hang upside-down on the pool railings or climb the walls of the church where his day camp is held. Literally, he holds on to the furniture and walks his feet up the walls until he falls on his face. And then I go back to the corrections.
It's not really a matter of letting him do it and learning he's going to get hurt. He's been hurt numerous times from lack of common sense, and I see no improvement resulting from experience. But it seems like whenever I tell him something is inappropriate or unsafe, it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it doesn't even make it to the first ear....
Now as a former behavioural counsellor, I know that repetition and consistency are the mainstays of any communication. I'm just wondering how much repetition and consistency is necessary here, because he's much more impulsive than many other children I've seen. Sure, my family tells me, "he's fine, let him be a kid." But then I see children his own age who are quite capable of thinking things through before deciding to slam an ice cream cone in someone's face (he was "trying to distract his brother"). I'm just wondering when he's going to catch up.
I know there's nothing wrong with his brain. He's a good thinker when it comes to academic stuff. It's the normal decisions that are hard. I can talk him through it so he will come up with a reasonable alternative, but that takes a long time and a lot of effort for every choice throughout a day. If I don't though, he won't even think about the choices that he can make and do the first thing that pops into his head. There was nothing in my social work history about impulse control, because my former clients were not fully functioning children who were capable of it. J is a fully functioning child, and a very smart one as well, but I have days where I truly believe he's not capable of impulse control either.
When it gets really bad (like recently) I question what I've done wrong to make him so unprepared for "normal" behaviour. I can't come up with anything specific, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a horrible parent. He gets so upset when I'm disappointed, but that doesn't stop him from being impulsive. There is no answer he can give me for why he doesn't think things through. But it breaks my heart to see him so upset because he feels like a failure. So if anyone has any similar experience, or any way to help us out, please leave a comment. I am frustrated and J is sad and the more rules we come up with for him, the worse he gets. It's a Catch-22, because if I relax about the rules then he will hurt himself or his brother, and if I tighten up on the rules he will get sad and start talking about being a horrible boy who shouldn't have anyone. Yes, these are his own words. So I may or may not be doing things backwards, but I'm not sure which way to go from here. Major parental insecurity stage in progress.......
Thursday 1 August 2013
The Best Ever Tomato Soup (and Salad)
I saw a recipe a while back about Creamy Tomato Soup, and since I'm a relatively lazy cook (meaning I don't like to look for or at recipes), I decided to make it from memory. It took a while, but only because I chopped and seeded the tomatoes myself. If I hadn't, it would have been prepared in less than ten minutes and cooked in less than twenty. When you think about it, it takes about ten minutes to make the canned variety, so why not use the time to make a better and healthier version? The kids love it, and E calls it "ketchup soup," or "kepitch soup" in his words. Some crackers and bread, or in our case chicken on a bun, and it's a super healthy and treat like meal. Here's what I did:
1/4 cup diced onions
2 Tbsp. oil (I used olive)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup water (chicken broth if you prefer)
6 seeded and diced tomatoes, or 1 can of diced tomatoes
1 large or 2 small potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 tsp. basil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 bay leaves
6 tsp. white sugar
1 cup cream (I used 10%)
In a large pot, brown the onions and garlic in oil. Add water, tomatoes and potatoes. Stir in spices and sugar. Cook, covered, about fifteen minutes until tomatoes break down and potatoes are soft. Remove bay leaves. Blend (I used immersion blender, but I'm sure a food processor or blender works just as well). Add cream and stir, until heated through. Serve with grated or Parmesan cheese, if desired.
Here's another cheat. Have a Buffet Salad night. It takes a little prep, but I think it's worth it to get my boys eating so many vegetables. Wash and shred some lettuce (I use a mix of romaine and spinach, because head lettuce has zero nutrients). Put it in a big bowl, and fill a bunch of small bowls or Tupperware containers with salad extras. Some ideas: diced tomatoes, peas, corn, green onions (if you call it garlic, your children will probably at least try it), shredded or chopped carrots, celery, whatever veggies your kids eat. Then to make it really fun, add some fruit. Dice up some apples, berries and melon, and don't forget the raisins. If you're feeling really ambitious, offer up hard boiled eggs, chicken, tuna, chopped cheese or beef. Some fun extras are crushed nachoes, croutons, Goldfish crackers and crushed chips. Each family member with the requisite amount of lettuce can add whatever they want to their bowl. I give my kids a number: two added veggies, one fruit, one protein and one extra. To use the same idea (and all those leftover ingredients), have a "Wrap night" a day or two later. Repeat the process and wrap it up. Or throw it all in a big bowl with sour cream and salsa, and dip your nachoes. Your children just had salad for dinner, enjoyed it and want to do it again! Can you believe it? I still can't.......
1/4 cup diced onions
2 Tbsp. oil (I used olive)
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 cup water (chicken broth if you prefer)
6 seeded and diced tomatoes, or 1 can of diced tomatoes
1 large or 2 small potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 tsp. basil
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 bay leaves
6 tsp. white sugar
1 cup cream (I used 10%)
In a large pot, brown the onions and garlic in oil. Add water, tomatoes and potatoes. Stir in spices and sugar. Cook, covered, about fifteen minutes until tomatoes break down and potatoes are soft. Remove bay leaves. Blend (I used immersion blender, but I'm sure a food processor or blender works just as well). Add cream and stir, until heated through. Serve with grated or Parmesan cheese, if desired.
Here's another cheat. Have a Buffet Salad night. It takes a little prep, but I think it's worth it to get my boys eating so many vegetables. Wash and shred some lettuce (I use a mix of romaine and spinach, because head lettuce has zero nutrients). Put it in a big bowl, and fill a bunch of small bowls or Tupperware containers with salad extras. Some ideas: diced tomatoes, peas, corn, green onions (if you call it garlic, your children will probably at least try it), shredded or chopped carrots, celery, whatever veggies your kids eat. Then to make it really fun, add some fruit. Dice up some apples, berries and melon, and don't forget the raisins. If you're feeling really ambitious, offer up hard boiled eggs, chicken, tuna, chopped cheese or beef. Some fun extras are crushed nachoes, croutons, Goldfish crackers and crushed chips. Each family member with the requisite amount of lettuce can add whatever they want to their bowl. I give my kids a number: two added veggies, one fruit, one protein and one extra. To use the same idea (and all those leftover ingredients), have a "Wrap night" a day or two later. Repeat the process and wrap it up. Or throw it all in a big bowl with sour cream and salsa, and dip your nachoes. Your children just had salad for dinner, enjoyed it and want to do it again! Can you believe it? I still can't.......
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