Mom on a Budget!

My husband makes pretty good money. He works hard and brings in a pay cheque that allows me to stay home with the kids. We are not rich, but we have enough. In this day and age though, we still need to be frugal, especially in a single income household. If you're looking for some extra cash in your pocket at the end of the week, either for saving or putting toward a special purchase, try some of the habits I have adopted to save money (or spend it wisely).

1. Budget for groceries!
Take a little time to look at food flyers for great sales. If your area does price matching, take all the flyers into the store and get them matched. Yes, it takes longer at the checkout. Yes, you may get weird looks. But seriously, I save at least $30 a week doing this (I have saved up to $50), so it's worth it. To make it a little easier, set aside 15 minutes of uninterrupted time to look at flyers. I find it's easier with a coffee beside me. Use a sharpie and circle all the deals you want. You will only save money this way though if you stick to the unbeatable deals and your regular purchases. If you buy stuff just because it's a great price it will quickly add up. It helps to make your list in advance and only circle the sale items that are on it. Checkout is easier too if you list the items and flyers you are price matching. You won't get nearly as many eye rolls if you are semi-organized about it!

2. Buy Clearance!
Clothes, appliances, toys, whatever. Just buy clearance.  A few minor stipulations though. Only buy end of season clothing on clearance if you don't intend to gain or lose a significant amount of weight by next season. In this case it's best to keep the ill-fitting wear for the season and buy your new size after the weather has changed. Appliances can be gotten at super discounts if you are willing to take the floor displays, because they typically have some minor dings or scratches. Case in point: we got our brand new fridge for half price because of 3 little scratches, which don't bother me because it will never take long for my kids to add their own scratches. Make sure any clearance toys are not broken and still safe. Bring it to the store's attention if you see a broken toy that might present a danger to a child; it should be taken off the shelf.

3. Buy Used!
This is similar to above, but you can get things even cheaper this way. Second-hand stores are popular for a reason. Most of the merchandise is still in great condition. On clothing look for wear in the obvious places, like the knees, cuffs, waistband, etc. Don't buy electronics used unless the store will let you test them first. This is also a great way to save money on sports equipment for kids, as most sports equipment is made to last a lot longer than a child will fit into it. There are several websites you can browse to look for specific things. I will post some sites for used buying on my Useful Links Page.

4. Use the Jar Technique!
So there was this show, Til Debt Do Us Part (maybe it's still on, I don't know), where the lady uses jars to sort out money for weekly expenses. I use envelopes though, they are much more discreet and can be hidden easily. The principle is the exact same though. So here's my weekly budget: $100 for groceries (that's for 4 people), $50 for gas, $100 for spending (which no one has to account for at the end of the week). The rest of the bills are in a bank account and are paid by cheque or automatically, so this is all the money I ever handle. With price matching the groceries are usually under $70, and I often don't spend more than $20 a week personally, this is on coffee of course. The money left over is saved for big purchases (like if the coffee machine breaks, OH NO!)

5. Find Free Entertainment!
There's no reason keeping children occupied and social has to be expensive. The park has become a staple outing for us, same with the local library, and other social venues. Check what events are being offered locally for free and take full advantage. Join a mom's group and meet at a variety of places to keep you and the little ones social. Use the money you save for one costly activity for each child. Our choice this year for the oldest is martial arts.

6. Coupons!
I looked into the "extreme couponing" thing but to be honest, I don't get enough excitement out of couponing to devote hours a week to it. However, I do make use of the free ones mailed to me weekly with the local paper, and often check out  coupon sites for my regular brands. Combining coupons with price-matched sales  can save you a tonne of money! I have gotten so many free Lifestyle cookies, you know the good ones with the chocolate in the middle.....Of course I only remember to bring my coupons half of the time, but for those parents with a good memory it is a helpful habit.

7. Bake as much as you can!
In lieu of buying expensive school snacks like granola bars and rice krispie squares, I try to bake snacks instead. I have found a great recipe for bear paws and one for granola bars that taste I save at least $15 a week baking snacks instead of buying them, and I love knowing exactly what's going into what my kids are eating. Of course if the snacks are on sale and I can price match them with a coupon.....but mostly I make my own. Still trying to get a recipe for easy homemade crackers though.

8. Cloth Diapers!
This is one for all those of you with babies and toddlers. Go with the cloth diapers. They are not that difficult to wash because the washing machine does all the work. The stain cycle or pre-wash cycle gets everything out and you don't need to scrub. It is one of the best ways to save  money. Time for some math: $25 a week (minimum) on disposable diapers, 52 weeks in a year, you are spending $1300 on diapers in one year. That's based on one package of diapers per week, and most use more. Buying cloth diapers from birth to toilet training could cost you as little as $300, so you are saving a lot. Then there are the wipes. One package of those a week (let's say they're on sale for $5), and you are paying $260 a year. You can make your own though, see my Random Tops page.

9. Prioritize
The reason I don't know if that show is still on is because I don't have Cable TV. Or satellite TV.  That's right. Big fan of Netflix right here. And for $8 a month, why not? It's at least $50 per month less than what we were paying for cable. And my husband and I both have cell phones, but not a landline. If we both need them anyway, why pay more for a phone at home? The point is, look at your bills and figure out what you don't need to be paying for anymore. It's much more effective if you write it down and add up all the money you would save if you got rid of A, B, and C. Oh yeah, and stop subscribing to that magazine! Just look at their website.

I hope some of this helps. I am a bit of a penny pincher and the above is only some of what I do, but I'm on a timeline. Gotta go watch Netflix (seriously, it's got the X-Files!).

ADHD?

Okay, for all those not keeping up with everything I write, first of all shame on you! Second, I have two boys, 1 yr. and 5 yrs. They are both very active, curious, engaged, smart, active, loud, active, well you get the point. In short, they are typical boys. At least I thought they were. Now the latest medical research (you know, the research that likes to label everything) is telling me that they have all the symptoms of ADHD. Difficulty focusing at times: check. Difficulty staying still at times: check. Fidgety at times: check. Cannot maintain focus at times: check. Cannot follow a conversation at times: check. Yes, I suppose they have it. But with that criteria, everyone I've ever met has it too.

I am mainly talking about my five-year old here, as I hope a one year old is too young to diagnose for ADHD. He definitely has all the above symptoms, but what gets me is the "at times." Doesn't every child have a hard time concentrating now and then? There are certain times of the day that he has a bit more difficulty, mainly between 3pm and dinnertime. This is when most people hit their slump though, so that is not surprising. For most of the rest of the day he has no problem sitting down to focus on a task or holding a conversation (he's actually quite good at talking a lot).

And some perspective here.....he's five! He is in his second year of kindergarten, which here means every other day at school, so he hasn't had the opportunity (or a reason) to learn to sit still for long periods of time. Sometimes he has trouble maintaining eye contact during conversations, but only the disciplinary conversations, which he naturally wants to avoid. And he is active. I believe I mentioned that. Hyperactive? No. As soon as he learned to walk I donated his stroller to encourage him to like moving around on his own. Exercise is beneficial and I would like to instill that in my children at the earliest age. But exercise also causes people to have more energy, which is the case with most children I believe.

I have had people tell me (with the best intentions) that he might have a form of ADHD. I pretend I am listening and nod and smile, but really? I know my child. His mood and behaviour is affected by what he eats, how he has slept, and how people interact with him. None of the teachers who have taught or spoken to my son have mentioned anything, so I don't worry about it.

I believe ADHD is over-diagnosed. I am not saying that I believe it's not real; I have first-hand experience as a support worker that tells me it is. I just don't think my boys have it. In Canada over the past decade or so, I read many articles in parenting magazines about  the rise in ADHD among children. Most parents didn't worry about ADHD until a teacher told them their child had it. Teachers are not health care professionals, and I don't believe they are qualified to recommend medical treatment for a child, but teachers have recommended the child be checked and put on Ritalin. So they can sit still. This happened to many families. I think parents are starting to question teachers or health professionals when ADHD is suspected, which is good. Don't get me wrong, if medication will help a child enjoy a better quality of life, and they truly need it to slow down and move forward, I agree with it completely. What I don't agree with are the flexible definitions of childhood disorders, the need to stifle a child's natural energy, and unconsciously putting pressure on parents to have their child be the quiet and proper one.

I am happy my boys are so energetic. Yes, there have been times when exuberance has led to something getting broken or someone getting hurt, but it's not been serious. We have implemented a rule that there is only "calm" play on the main floor of our house. Who knew picture frames could jump off the walls so easily? But in the basement playroom, it's a free for all. Run, jump, dance, yell (quietly though), slide on your socks, just get it out. Be safe of course, but let go. And to be honest, I wish I still had that kind of energy and enjoyment of the simple things.

Naptime and bedtime struggles

I have never been a fan of the cry it out method; I much prefer the attachment parenting style of soothing a baby until he learns to soothe himself. That being said, my children are determined to prove to me that there is no easy way to teach self-soothing. Let's begin by looking at my first experience.

When my five-year old was a baby, I responded every time he cried. Some experts say this builds trust and confidence in a parent, and the child will have healthier relationships for a lifetime because of it. I would like to think this is true, however I have no way of proving it. Bedtime for first baby was stressful though. Baby number one did not like sleeping. At all. He didn't nap beyond 6 months unless he was sick. He didn't like closing his eyes because there was too much to miss. Indeed, if I was that successful at staying awake, any overnight shifts would have been much easier.

So I tried the routine thing, bath, book, songs. He enjoyed the routine but then screamed when it was time to sleep. I was required to stay in his room until he drifted off, which was fine at first, but once he got used to that it took about an hour each night. It got to the point that I tried the cry it out method, but he beat me in that process too. After two hours I couldn't take it anymore, and I'm not sure who cried more anyway, myself or him. In the end, it was extending his bedtime that did the trick. I still stayed in his room until he was sleeping, but only for ten minutes or so. By the time he was two, he understood enough that I could leave his room and he was to go to sleep. Oh wht a luxury that was, when I only had one child and could spend that much time at bedtime.

And then there were two. My second is just as resistant to sleep as the first. Again, life is too wonderful and exciting to close his eyes and miss any of it. I found myself repeating the same process; loathe to let him cry it out I would stay in his room until he was asleep. And repeat. Once he knew this was the bedtime ritual he could extend it by staying awake. It turned into almost two hours every night just "helping him to sleep." I felt horrible because bedtime was such a negative experience for him, not to mention my five-year old was missing out on his mommy time at bedtime now.

I tried the cry it out process again, and this time I took it farther than one night. But after a week of crying it out there was no improvement. Baby number two is just as stubborn as baby number one, and although he did eventually cry himself to sleep, it was still taking over 45 minutes every night. Maybe I am too soft, but I didn't want this to be bedtime every night either. I came up with a compromise. Settle him into bed, say good night, and leave. After five minutes of crying I would return, calm him again, and leave again. Another five minutes and the same thing. This enabled me to devote ten minutes a night to sleep training, so he could see he wasn't abandoned, but ultimately teach him that I will not keep returning so he needs to sleep. After two weeks of this he went to sleep at night without a complaint.

Now for nap time. I realized that sleep (specifically that of my children), is going to be my challenge for this lifetime. Although bedtime for baby number two is now relatively straightforward and quiet, nap time is quite the circus around here. Baby boy will be so tired that he can't sit up without falling over, he keeps yawning, he is cranky and miserable, and still he finds the energy to fight against his nap for up to an hour. I follow the exact same procedure as bedtime, but for some reason it is not working. At this moment, he has been singing away up in his crib (sometimes interspersed with crying or throwing his stuffed animals), for 52 minutes, and has just gone off to sleep. I have to wonder if it's worth it, because he will be awake in twenty minutes and not nap again today.

Oh the trials and tribulations of motherhood. I know that babies need sleep, like I know that I set the rules and it's up to me if he naps or not, but at what point do I say that enough is enough because I don't want to spend hours a day trying to get him to sleep when there's little improvement? These  are the questions I ask myself every day. I still don't have an answer, but I will inform you when I do. Or else he will grow out of naps entirely and this will cease to be an issue.

The moral of this long and exhausting story is, no matter what parenting principles you subscribe to at first, be prepared for change because not everything will go as planned. All that well-meaning advice you get from other parents may or may not apply to your situation, so stick it out in the way that works best for you. Sleep is my personal motherhood challenge at the moment, but good luck in whatever your challenge may be!

Where have all the teachers gone?

I understand that teachers in Canada are upset by recent legislation that takes away their right to strike. I understand that teachers are upset that they can no longer bank their unused sick time until retirement, and walk away with a large amount of money. What I don't understand are the teachers who refuse to perform extra-curricualr activities for the kids, or the ones who won't talk to parents about school work, or even the shortened report cards that are coming home at many schools this year.

Is it okay to be so dissatisfied with your salary and contract that you make children suffer? I don't think so. I know that some schools are more in support of this policy than others. There are several schools that haven't had many changes at all in the way things work, but I'm talking about the schools which have adopted these policies. Children who once saw school as a place of learning and extra-curricular activities now don't have that option. Parents who can't afford to pay for  sports lessons outside of school must now see their child sit at home and miss out on school basketball or soccer because the teachers want more money and fewer hours worked.

The lack of communication gets to me too, but again I state only in some schools. Shortened report cards are not a reasonable form of protest. Parents must be aware of their child's development, progress or lack thereof, and conduct in school. Refusing to speak to parents over the phone outside of school hours (yes, this sometimes includes recess as  it is considered extra-curricular time, or break time), is not only hurting the children, but leaving parents to wonder what is going on at school.

I for one am frightened of the way the education system seems to be headed. There seem to be many teachers who are in their positions only for the money or benefits (every weekend, summer, and holiday off? Yes, please). Where did all the educators go who are concerned with actually educating children? It seems a popular reason to go into the teaching field, but at what point does it become obsolete? The fact that teachers are upset about not being able to strike is proof enough. How beneficial is a strike for all those students who are at school for an education?

It seems to me that the teachers who are upset about this are the ones who are in teaching for the wrong reasons. There are several other areas of employment where  the pay is higher and the benefits are better. If you ask me though, the rate of pay for the time worked is pretty good, and the benefits couldn't be better. New policy proposes something like 10 sick days per year, but keeping in mind that there are approximately 190 working days in a year (out of 365), and it seems extremely generous. And if teachers remain teachers and the pay is not enough, why not get a summer job? That's all I have to say.

Healthy Balance

My five-year old son is pretty into video games. By into, I mean he loves playing Mario Kart, Mario World, Super Mario Galaxy, Wii Sports, Outdoor Adventures,etc. And he adores the card games on my cell phone, specifically Uno. I'm not sure why it's more exciting to play it on my phone than with the real cards (we have those too), but it is. He also love Euchre (although the concept is a little beyond him) and 100 Floors (a puzzle game to open 100 different elevator doors). When my husband is on the computer (he is a bit of a gaming fan too), my son will hover at his shoulder and watch as if in a trance. We have implemented a rule (or I have), that my husband is not allowed to play any games inappropriate for a child until after that child is in bed. I have had visions though, of a future where my son comes home from school only to start up a computer/video game and zone out in front of it until bedtime. A little dramatic, I know, but there are children who do this regularly. So to support his interest, but at the same time limit his technology time so he can explore other areas of life (such as playing outside, playing real card games, using his imagination, reading, etc), I put some rules into place for him. He is allowed to play video games, but only after he has earned them with a requisite amount of school work (what I call focusing activities). Now he is in Senior Kindergarten the homework is provided, but also included are things like printing practice, reading, puzzles, drawing, colouring, what have you. This allows him to choose what activity he prefers at the time and still have fun while doing something educational. And when he is finished (either 30 minutes of focusing, or a specific activity I have set to finish), he is allowed 30 minutes of game time. This can be used twice in one day, so I know his game time is no more than an hour each day, but I also know he is getting a healthy amount critical thinking time as well. There is nothing wrong with video games if they are age-appropriate, and I know they can be beneficial in teaching coordination and problem-solving, but I do not want him to become so enthralled by them that he has no other interests. A healthy balance is key to creating healthy habits and a well-rounded child. There have even been days when he has only used one of his video game times, or none, because he has been too busy with something else to even think about it. I am interested to know how other parents limit video game or electronic time, or if there are parents who believe that there shouldn't be limits on it. Please post and tell me your thoughts.....

Read to your children!

I have recently started selling children's books. I was looking for a way to earn a little extra cash and I wanted something a little out of the ordinary. This left me two options: marital aids (I hope I don't have to clarify) or kids books. I went with the books. My boys love reading. One is 5 and the other is 1. I read to them and with them every day, so it seemed like a no-brainer. My reality came crashing down though when after almost three months of selling books, my sales are at a minimum. Most people don't see the point to buying quality, educational books for their children anymore. Of course, I am generalizing because there are plenty of moms out there who love reading to their kids and do it often, but I have been promoting these books like mad and only have a handful of customers. The benefits of reading to your children are so many that it's hard for me to believe there are people who don't, but I have come into contact with a lot of those types too. So here's a breakdown to convince those who don't read to their kids to change, and those who do read with them that they are doing the right thing. Children who are surrounded by books from a young age are more literate than their peers and will have an easier time learning for the rest of their lives. This is in any context, like school, career training, language courses, etc. Children who learn to read early have higher self-esteem and more friends than those who don't particularly like books. Children who like books will have a more successful career, be more curious and adventurous, have a greater vocabulary, and enjoy all aspects of life more. So read to your children! They will not like books if they are not surrounded by them, and I can't imagine anything worse than a child saying "what's the point of reading?" Okay, maybe one thing is worse: In the UK, 40% of children don't own books. No, I'm not on a selling spree, I don't sell books for the money. I want kids to love learning. And to prove it, I'm not even going to post my business website. Just pick up a book and read with your child. Please.

Down with juice!

Here's an idea. Next time your child is thirsty, get a glass of water and add four heaping teaspoons of sugar. Stir and serve with a straw (if desired). Ridiculous, isn't it? So why are you giving your kids juice? It is quite literally the same thing. There are few health benefits. Even the ones made with real fruit have been so processed that they will need several cups to get the benefits of a single serving of real fruit. So serve the piece of fruit. All that sugar in the juice is going to cause cavities and tooth decay too. They will be at a higher risk for diabetes when they are older, as well as more likely to be overweight or obese. And your little one's body is going to be working pretty hard to filter out all the sugar and chemicals that they have just ingested. Serve them water. If your children don't like water, the solution couldn't be simpler: offer it as the only option when they are thirsty. They will drink it, I promise. And it's free! Get a filtered jug if you don't like the taste of tap water, but stop serving your children juice. While you're at it, do yourself and your whole family a favor and stop buying juice period. I can't think of a bigger waste of money (except maybe soda.....).

Using play to teach your baby

Peek-a-boo with blankets, pillows, books, you name it. The more things you can find to play with the more entertained your baby will be. This teaches object permanence and helps baby to understand that everyday objects can be used in several different ways, which develops curiosity and the ability to try new things.

Play with a ball by either rolling it, throwing it (gently please), pretending to sit on it, pretending to lose it, placing it on your head. This is a way to show your baby what's logical verses what's silly, and promotes a good sense of humor.

Conversations about anything. Keep a running monologue throughout your day and show baby the things you are talking about. This will help baby with object identification and expand his or her vocabulary when he or she does start speaking.

Read a book (or several). Point to the pictures, talk about the pictures, let baby turn the pages and point as well, mimic any sounds baby makes while looking at a book, name colors, oh yeah, and read the story! This helps with language development, curiosity, the ability to retain information, the ability to learn later in life, better social habits, more interests for baby, etc. There are too many benefits not to do this on a daily basis!

Play with stuffed animals or toys by lining them up and labeling them by size, shape, color, name, etc. Sort them into containers or group them together on the floor. See if your baby can help with the sorting.

Make a tower of anything but blocks. Blocks are good too, but the real creativity comes with unusual things. See how high you can build a tower of plastic food containers, pots and pans, clean paper beverage cups, etc. Or stack a tower with all of these things. This teaches creativity and problem solving, as well as cause and effect. If it gets too high or is not stacked properly, it falls down.

Look out the window. Label everything you see by size and color. "That is a big, green tree, look at the small grey squirrel, etc." There is no better way to encourage your child to enjoy the everyday than by talking about it with them and showing them that the little things are exciting.

Look at a picture album of people your baby is familiar with. Your baby will love seeing a "book" of his or her family. You can talk about activities they have done with these people, and your baby will learn to associate Grandma with the beach or Uncle Steinbecker with ice cream. This is a fun way to enhance baby's memory.

Good job playing! Now let that baby have a nap!

Children and nutrition

There are so many good and healthy foods out there that children just won't eat. My oldest was as picky as they come until I told him he was no longer allowed to be. I remember when I was a kid, I had to eat everything on my plate or no dessert. I didn't complain, I ate it. It's as simple as that: if you allow your children to be picky they will.

Of course, preferred tastes develop over time. It takes a child trying a new food approximately ten times before they will develop a taste for it. So introduce your children to all those healthy fruits and vegetables and proteins (like fish), and eventually they will happily gobble them up. If you need to sneak in the introductions, go ahead. Add pureed squash or carrots to your spaghetti sauce and they will still grow to like it. Soup is a wonderful way to disguise fruits and veggies. Cook whatever vegetables and fruit you like with water or broth and puree it. Name it Cream of Something, and serve with crackers. Smoothies are another fun idea. This way your child can pick what fruits or veggies he or she likes and down several servings with one beverage. 

Sometimes there are foods a child will not eat though, such as meat. If your child chooses to be a vegetarian, make sure he or she gets plenty of the iron and protein from other sources. Dark, leafy green vegetables are a high source, as well as eggs, some fruit, sweet potatoes, nuts, and fortified milk and cereals.  Do your research to figure out portion sizes, recommended servings ffor the age group, and suitable alternatives for any food groups they are missing. You will find you have a happier and better behaved child if they are receiving their recommended diet.

While we are at it, here are some other hints regarding food. If your child does get a sugary treat, always balance it with a protein. Spread nut butter on a chocolate chip cookie if you have to. The protein will regulate the sugar so the child's blood sugar does not increase so much, thus saving them from the rapid drop (and energy slump) otherwise, and the behavioral changes that a spike in blood sugar tends to create.  

If your child loves cheese and crackers, spend a little time cutting the cheese from a block. You are avoiding all the chemicals and additives that are put into those snack packages. If your child likes chips, invest in a chip maker. Buy the potatoes, slice them with a special tool, and microwave them in the chip maker with your choice of seasoning for a very healthy movie snack. You are still giving them chips, but again, without the chemicals and additives that are put into the processed kind.

Processed food is another one to avoid when you can. Take some time on the weekend to do some food preparation, like slicing veggies and meat, so you have healthy and convenient real food to add to quick dinners. Cut up some fruit too, so you can snack on it throughout the week. Many sauces can be made in advance as well. A slow-cooker is a great tool for busy moms, because if you have done the veggie preparation, you can whip up a healthy soup in the morning in under five minutes, and by dinnertime it will be ready to eat.

Experiment with food to find ways to get the vitamins into your child. I have to drizzle a slight amount of real maple syrup onto carrots to get my boys to eat them, but the sugar is natural and they are getting tons of vitamins from the carrots. Make natural and healthy food a normal part of daily life and your picky eater will be replaced by a child who craves good food.

Hi everyone, welcome to my blog! It's got mom in the title but trust me, dads can use this stuff too! On this page I am committed to everything parenting and household. You will get tips to make your life so much easier and more enjoyable. I have an extensive background in childhood development and behavioral issues, so feel free to contact me with any questions you have. I will try my best to help. Same goes for any comments you have about my blog. I will reply to every question. Jump in and let's have some fun!