Sacred Mom rights

As mothers, we are the only ones who can get away with saying certain things. For instance, if a professional executive in the office said, "That stain on the toilet seat is grape juice," he might get some weird looks. But if a mom says it no one bats an eye. Likewise, not the average person can say, "Don't throw the cat," without some serious questions being asked, but when you're a mom it's okay. I've caught myself saying some pretty silly things that would be completely inappropriate in other contexts. "Don't put your hand there," "we have to be nice to Bunnypuff," "Mommy's not a trampoline," and "pee on the Cheerios" are some of my personal favourites.

The fun part is I say these things out loud, in context and even in public. I only ever think about how strange I must sound when I get the look from complete strangers. Like when we were on the bus and I said "the cup goes in the hole, not the finger." That caused a bit of a fuss (and laughter). Of course it didn't faze me. I'm a mom. It made perfect sense to my toddler and it wasn't dirty or perverse (although there are plenty of people who beg to differ). Therefore, I am not embarrassed when I say things like "Boogers go in the nose, not french fries," and "we should go to the bathroom to be stinky."

Have a sense of humour about what you're compelled to say to your kids. It beats blushing. There are those who will judge you, but those are the ones who've never had kids. When faced with these people, an effective technique is to stare them down calmly. You can either smile brightly or pull out your teenage attitude and say, "What?" It's your choice but either way they'll leave you alone and you can go on speaking like a mother. Own it!

And when you can't own it and you've said so many ridiculous things that even you're rolling your eyes at you, keep perspective. It's worth it in the end. No one but a mom can say with complete authority, "Because I told you so." And on the days when nothing else works, we are the only population privileged enough to say, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"