If you are a mom, you probably know that your kids don't appreciate you at times. They don't have to though when they are young. We as parents are the ones to make sacrifices for them, and they're not supposed to know how much we are sacrificing. Why not? Because we are their parents. That's it. As children, they deserve to have caring and generous parents who look after them and let them be kids. They shouldn't worry about how much they owe us, or how hard it is to get through a day sometimes with an hour of sleep. Good moms are the ultimate martyrs, because we suck it up and carry on.
Which brings me to my next point. When my kids are parents, I will expect them to appreciate me. It's hypocritical to start your own family and never look back to see how much your own parents have done for you. This applies to healthy families with healthy relationships obviously, because I have seen some pretty ungrateful adult children, but maybe it should apply to them as well.
Just today on the bus there was a woman, maybe in her 20's, complaining loudly about her own mother. I will not get into my thoughts on private conversations in a public place right now, but private or not, it was very enlightening.
Here's a recap: She called her mom on Christmas Eve to ask her to contribute to the meal, her mom said she had an attitude and dropped off the presents for her son early, thus ruining Christmas because she wouldn't go to or take anyone else to her daughter's Christmas dinner. It was a much longer conversation than that, but that's the main part.
I don't know what the daughter's attitude is like, but with how she was talking on the phone I suspect her mom might have had a point. I also don't have the other side of the story, so she could have been right that her mom was a "lazy piece of **** who does nothing for me while I bend over backwards for her."
What really got me though, was how she doesn't ask her mom for anything. The occasional ride when she does grocery shopping and free babysitting when she has a date. But she has never asked her for food, alcohol, cigarettes,or money to pay her bills! What? She said this so nonchalantly that she expected to be praised for it. Oh my, you are so good to your mother that you don't get her to pay your cable? Or for your alcohol or smokes? You must be a saint.
Sorry, I am a little bitter over this. I know that people need help sometimes, and parents are happy to give it sometimes, and I am not judging anyone for that. I am specifically referring to this attitude of entitlement because people don't ask for these things. I certainly don't expect my mom to appreciate me more because I have never asked her to buy food for my kids.
Getting back to the real issue though, I have no idea what happened in that relationship to make it what it is. I only hope that as adults and parents we can find it in ourselves to appreciate our own mothers a little more. Maybe it takes some patience sometimes, but that's when we have to think about all the patience it took not to scream when we tried to flush the cat down the toilet at 2 years old. Maybe it takes some effort, but let's remember how much effort it was to wash that special shirt every night of the week so we could wear it again to school when we were 7. And maybe it even takes time to have a conversation with your mother, but how about the time it took to bake your favourite cookies, or take you to all those swim lessons or Girl Guide meetings?
All I'm saying is, no matter what has passed between you and your own mother, there are things she has done for you without expecting any gratitude in return. If you have a bad relationship with your mom, this will give you some perspective. Maybe you'll even call her to say thank you for your cool birthday party that one year. If you have a good relationship with your mom, thank her anyway and go cook her favourite meal.
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