As I mentioned before, the kids were away at my mom's last week. I went up to meet them on Friday and we all went to a family reunion on Saturday, only to drive back home on Sunday. Five days of a different routine, followed by a busy weekend and hours of driving, only to come home and get back into the swing of things has taken a toll on all of us. I'm trying to be understanding here, but it's surprising to me that E is more adaptable than J. Yes, E's had a problem going to sleep in his own bed, but aside from that he's done pretty well.
J on the other hand, has been driving me (and everyone else) crazy for the past two days. I don't say this in the insulting sense, because he's deliberately trying to drive me nuts. I am acknowledging this fact and giving him a nod for a job well done. He's been fighting with everything I say, picking on his brother and blatantly ignoring the rules.
To illustrate, I will start with the first. I am anticipating a loud and angry "No" every time I open my mouth:
"Eat your dinner." "NO!"
"Let's tidy up our toys." "NO!"
"Want to go for a walk?" "NO!"
"Want some ice cream?" "NO! Wait a minute, that was an accident."
Now I have been trying to teach him that the rules are just as important at home as they are at school. At school, he's a different kid. No arguing, no distracted behaviour, no testing and no rudeness. I had to show his teacher a picture to make sure we were talking about the same child, come to think of it. I have also tried to impart that one of the biggest rules is he is not allowed to say no to me, unless it's an opinion question. No is okay if I ask him does he want a drink, but if I ask him to pick something up, he is not, under any circumstance, allowed to refuse. I am his mother and his job is to listen to me. So far, the message isn't being received.
Now on to his brother. E is extremely well-behaved for his age. He is almost two, and despite arguing with requests (I wonder where he picked that up) he will pay attention and listen. He also knows where everything goes and isn't happy unless things are the way they should be. He will close doors that are open, sort toys into their proper places and make sure everyone has pants on. He is prone to bouts of affection, when he comes to me wanting "Nuggles," and increasingly to J too. J was becoming more aware of how to treat E, and had stopped grabbing toys from him and crowding his space, but since we got back he has relapsed. Any toy that E has is snatched up by J within less than a minute, and he has taken to blocking his way and holding him in one place again when E wants to move. It's telling that one of E's first words was "space." J has had several Time Outs for this behaviour, and I know it's only been two days but I'm hoping that I see some improvement soon because every time J breaks the rules, E tries the same. Modelling good behaviour only works when it's good behaviour that is modeled, and right now J is not doing that at all.
That leads me to ignoring the rules. It's pretty standard (in our house at least) that we don't act rude, we don't try to hurt people and we aren't selfish. Well, J has been consistently rude and selfish, and his actions have led to his brother being hurt a couple times. It's just minor, but today when E reached for a toy, J knocked him down. Then he said (in a very mean tone), "No, you don't do that. That's MY car, not yours." By this time E was crying on the floor, because although he wasn't hurt his big brother had pushed him down and was now yelling at him.
This is just another example of routine changing and a retesting of the rules that have been established a thousand times, I know. It's still disheartening that we go through this every other week. I know from personal experience as a behavioural counsellor that this is normal and healthy, and that some children simply test more than others. J is a tester. He always will be. It's not his fault and it would be a lot worse if he didn't get consistency, but still. I wish just once instead of testing the rules that he's known for years, he would come home and say, "Mommy, I know the rules. I trust you that they haven't changed and I'm just going to follow them from now on." Wishful thinking maybe, but isn't it still a little bit possible?
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