I have never been a fan of the cry it out method; I much prefer the attachment parenting style of soothing a baby until he learns to soothe himself. That being said, my children are determined to prove to me that there is no easy way to teach self-soothing. Let's begin by looking at my first experience.
When my five-year old was a baby, I responded every time he cried. Some experts say this builds trust and confidence in a parent, and the child will have healthier relationships for a lifetime because of it. I would like to think this is true, however I have no way of proving it. Bedtime for first baby was stressful though. Baby number one did not like sleeping. At all. He didn't nap beyond 6 months unless he was sick. He didn't like closing his eyes because there was too much to miss. Indeed, if I was that successful at staying awake, any overnight shifts would have been much easier.
So I tried the routine thing, bath, book, songs. He enjoyed the routine but then screamed when it was time to sleep. I was required to stay in his room until he drifted off, which was fine at first, but once he got used to that it took about an hour each night. It got to the point that I tried the cry it out method, but he beat me in that process too. After two hours I couldn't take it anymore, and I'm not sure who cried more anyway, myself or him. In the end, it was extending his bedtime that did the trick. I still stayed in his room until he was sleeping, but only for ten minutes or so. By the time he was two, he understood enough that I could leave his room and he was to go to sleep. Oh wht a luxury that was, when I only had one child and could spend that much time at bedtime.
And then there were two. My second is just as resistant to sleep as the first. Again, life is too wonderful and exciting to close his eyes and miss any of it. I found myself repeating the same process; loathe to let him cry it out I would stay in his room until he was asleep. And repeat. Once he knew this was the bedtime ritual he could extend it by staying awake. It turned into almost two hours every night just "helping him to sleep." I felt horrible because bedtime was such a negative experience for him, not to mention my five-year old was missing out on his mommy time at bedtime now.
I tried the cry it out process again, and this time I took it farther than one night. But after a week of crying it out there was no improvement. Baby number two is just as stubborn as baby number one, and although he did eventually cry himself to sleep, it was still taking over 45 minutes every night. Maybe I am too soft, but I didn't want this to be bedtime every night either. I came up with a compromise. Settle him into bed, say good night, and leave. After five minutes of crying I would return, calm him again, and leave again. Another five minutes and the same thing. This enabled me to devote ten minutes a night to sleep training, so he could see he wasn't abandoned, but ultimately teach him that I will not keep returning so he needs to sleep. After two weeks of this he went to sleep at night without a complaint.
Now for nap time. I realized that sleep (specifically that of my children), is going to be my challenge for this lifetime. Although bedtime for baby number two is now relatively straightforward and quiet, nap time is quite the circus around here. Baby boy will be so tired that he can't sit up without falling over, he keeps yawning, he is cranky and miserable, and still he finds the energy to fight against his nap for up to an hour. I follow the exact same procedure as bedtime, but for some reason it is not working. At this moment, he has been singing away up in his crib (sometimes interspersed with crying or throwing his stuffed animals), for 52 minutes, and has just gone off to sleep. I have to wonder if it's worth it, because he will be awake in twenty minutes and not nap again today.
Oh the trials and tribulations of motherhood. I know that babies need sleep, like I know that I set the rules and it's up to me if he naps or not, but at what point do I say that enough is enough because I don't want to spend hours a day trying to get him to sleep when there's little improvement? These are the questions I ask myself every day. I still don't have an answer, but I will inform you when I do. Or else he will grow out of naps entirely and this will cease to be an issue.
The moral of this long and exhausting story is, no matter what parenting principles you subscribe to at first, be prepared for change because not everything will go as planned. All that well-meaning advice you get from other parents may or may not apply to your situation, so stick it out in the way that works best for you. Sleep is my personal motherhood challenge at the moment, but good luck in whatever your challenge may be!
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