Is the week over yet?

I really don't know what's gotten into the local population this week. Everyone is distrustful and suspicious and downright rude. I was at the park with E and there were some other kids playing there. One little girl asked me how to use the speaker/walkie-talkie contraption they have set up. I told her because I was standing right there and it's not my usual practice to ignore children. I didn't get any closer to her or touch her or even lean down to talk to her, but her mother ran up and grabbed her away. Then, when I could clearly still hear her, she told her little girl not to talk to strangers because they could be dangerous and to just stay away from me. Apparently she still felt threatened, because when her little girl came to play with E the mother just packed up and left. Along with everyone else there. One person stayed with his grandson, but he was also not interested in being social.

Now I may not look like everyone wants me to (I don't even know what the cultural definition of beauty or normal is) but I know I don't look threatening. I don't dress improperly, I'm not pushy with strangers or kids, I'm not covered in tattoos or piercings (which I don't have a problem with, but some people do) and I wasn't carrying a weapon of any sort. I was also there playing with my toddler. I looked in the mirror when we got home and I couldn't find anything offensive about my appearance.

It's been going on all week though. There are always people who have no interest in talking to anyone else and I accept that. But not too long ago I could go to the park and talk to other parents while my kids played with their kids.It seemed like that's what the park was for, at least in part. Parents looking to talk with other people and let their children meet other children. This week alone I've been ignored, avoided and insulted within my hearing, all at the park.

There's more too though. We ride the bus regularly and on most trips there is at least one person who feels chatty. It was even normal to start a conversation with one person, only to have more people join in and other people moving to the front of the bus so they could be part too. It's a little uncommon for most places, but in Peterborough it was completely normal. This past week though, the buses have been silent.

I had a good weekend, but there was a lot going on and it was very difficult to stay positive. Monday was a pretty tough day for J, I think because of the weekend. Everything went wrong on Monday, including missing the bus, being charged late fees for library books, not being able to go to the gym because of J's behaviour, burning dinner, not having time to clean up and having a baby that was screaming for 8 1/2 hrs straight because of tummy problems. And then I had to rush him to the clinic to get that sorted and got home late and didn't get anything done that I wanted to get done. Granted, nothing that happened was disastrous but it felt that way because I'd been trying so hard all weekend to stay in a good mood. Monday just felt miserable.

And maybe that carried over. I believe that one's countenance affects the people around them, much more than one might think. So I blame no one but myself for Monday being so bad. I even knew on Monday that was the reason, so on Tuesday I had my good attitude back and thought the week would improve. Well, it hasn't. Friends have been ignoring my calls, J has suddenly lost all of his capacity to be nice to other people, cashiers and sales people are being rude to all of us and I feel extremely bad about myself. It feels like I'm doing something wrong but I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'm still doing a kindness every day (if people don't like it they can wait til 2014 and then get over it), but it's hard to want to keep it up when people think I'm trying to steal their stuff or hurt them. And those are the responses I've been getting lately to helping someone onto the bus or holding a door open.On top of all that, I came down with hives from some sort of allergic reaction (possibly stress, but I've never had it before). Icing on the cake.

So my goal for the rest of the week is to enjoy my family. I can't count on anyone outside of it to make me feel better and I know when to cut my losses and move on. Not that I expect anyone to make me feel better, but I've reached out and tried and it's only made me feel worse. So I will play with my kids and feed them well and if anyone wants to find me, they know where I am. I will keep working out because it makes me feel good and I will keep performing my kindnesses and I will hope that soon people are back to normal. And I will really hope that if I'm doing something wrong, someone will give me a clue so I can fix it.