One step forward, two (or three) steps back

Regression. There, I said it. And I'll say it again. Regression. That's what I'm facing with E lately. Sure, his development is going well, with talking and understanding and all the normal toddler stuff. He's a very smart child, and he loves to learn about new things.

But I'm talking about the separation anxiety. Maybe some of you remember my sleep diary, when I used sleep training and logged the results to teach him to go to sleep on his own. In case you don't, here's a refresher. I spent months and months enforcing a structured bedtime, using an adaptation of the cry-it-out method. I recorded weeks and weeks of it, but it took a long time. For the past four months or so, he's had no problems going to sleep, either for his nap or at bedtime. He's been the perfect little toddler as far as sleep is concerned. His naps are longer and he slept through the night. Until three days ago.

The back story began about a week ago. He became my cling-on. His mommy-radar must have been reset, because instead of happily playing with trains or riding his bike with me in the wings, he refused to be separated, even by two feet. I was either carrying him or walking around with him stuck to my ankle. I alternated days, so at least I got an arm workout one day and a leg workout the other. If I was sitting, he constantly tried to climb up on me and began a never ending refrain of "nuggle mommy," his way of saying "snuggle."

I thought it was the teething, because the poor child has had the same four teeth coming in for almost six months now. I don't know if that's what it is, but two nights ago he decided he wasn't going to be a good little sleeper anymore.I put him to bed, as per his usual routine. I named all his stuffed animals (there are nine) said good night to his Thomas poster and his baby animal poster, then to his taxi cab and airplane on the wall, put on his ceiling fan, noise maker (the Shush Machine) and his floor fan, and laid him down with Mr. Jones and Puddles (his two favourite toys). I let him hold my hand for 20 seconds (yes, I always count) and said good night, bed time, lie down, good night, I love you. That's the routine after reading and teeth brushing. It's the same every night.

The problem three days ago was his sense of entitlement. He thought it was completely reasonable to fall asleep with my hand on his pillow, which I can't say I agree with. He immediately started screaming, "Mommy hand, Mommy hand, nuggle hand, Eddie nuggle Mommy hand!" He was very upset, but I stuck to what I did in sleep training, which was to go in every five minutes or so and reinforce that it's bedtime, go to sleep. It lasted an hour. That's not the kind of deja vu I like.

The next day he tried to convince me all day that Mommy's hand is not Mommy's hand, but Eddie's hand. Again, I don't agree, but I'll give him an A+ for dedication. Unfortunately for all of us, I had to take J to his swimming lessons and have Daddy do bedtime. He started crying before I left, saying "Eddie coming," and when I returned an hour later he was in his crib screaming about Mommy's hand, Eddie's hand. That was last night and tonight wasn't much better.

E's turning two soon. Apparently separation anxiety was supposed to peak at 18 months, and decrease from there. I already know my boys don't like to follow the normal rules when it comes to what's average, so I have decided that I'm not going to be fooled into a false sense of accomplishment again. When J is eighteen, I will still be waiting for him to give me one more argument about how I'm unfair and I've lost all my privileges for the next 190 years. When E is eighteen, I can expect something similar, because I'm sure he won't want to be falling asleep holding my hand every night then.

I have had a realization though. My husband, P, feels bad sometimes when E seems to prefer me, like last night at bedtime or any time I leave the house without him. E pulled the crying today at day care while I went to the gym, but only for as long as he could see me. Then he was fine. So I figured out that E crying when I go is not because he doesn't have fun with Daddy, but because he's so used to me being home. He associates me with home, and he will happily play with Daddy for hours if he knows I'm upstairs napping. It's only when he knows I'm leaving he has a problem, because apparently Mommy is not supposed to go out, at least not without him. So my conclusion is, I need to go out more. Perhaps I will commit to two nights a week when I go out for an after dinner coffee, just me, alone with a book or my laptop. It's a great excuse. Here comes the separation training......

I told you yoga was fun!

I made a deal with J earlier this year. He would try yoga for at least two classes this summer, and then if he didn't like it we would let him stop. He complained so much that you'd think I was torturing him, and this was three months before the classes even started I kept telling him he would like it and it's beneficial for a number of reasons, and he kept telling me yoga stinks, he wants Judo. The only problem with that is they don't offer martial arts for his age group during the summer, so that one has to wait until September.

Now here we are, two classes in and he won't even hear of me taking him out of the classes. He absolutely loves it. Of course I'm not surprised, but of course he's telling me I shouldn't have worried about him hating it. I can put up with the innocent hypocrisy only because of how good yoga is for him.

J is a typical boy, in that he loves to run around and get crazy. He likes to play in any way that allows him to get his energy out, and it's great that he's so active. I'm glad he's a busy boy and he needs no help to get moving. He does, however, need some help slowing down. Schools have become much more understanding in that they allow kids plenty of free time and space while they're learning, but there will come a year when J has to sit still at a desk and concentrate. As with most boys, he finds that difficult. Yoga will teach him how to be still without being impatient, and hopefully help him concentrate when he's not so comfortable.

I've told him this, and he "gets it." I've also told him that yoga is a great way to deal with anger, because he can take what he learns in class and apply it to his moods. Maybe I didn't elaborate enough though, because the other day he got angry with E and struck a Tree pose. That's one way to break the mood, I suppose, but I explained that it's more of getting back that calm feeling, rather than contorting ourselves to end an argument.

Now I'm not sure if J will still want to do Judo when it comes available. He likes yoga so much he may want to stick with that. I'm okay with whatever one he chooses, because both rely on similar principles and both will help him learn important life skills. I've even implemented yoga time at home, so we can all relax and get back to normal. E does it with us too, but I think the meditation aspect is lost on him still. I'm not bothered, because at least he's in one place and listening, which is a great start.

Mommy's getting in shape

With everything going on this summer it's a wonder I've found time to breathe, let alone get to the gym. It's only because the YMCA makes child care so convenient that I've been able to get in some exercise. Oh, it's also because we've signed up for a year membership and I can't stand to waste money by not going. There are several programs for J's age group that are free so I don't have to pay for his child care too, and that's a bonus.

That said, it's still a struggle some days to schedule everything so we can make it. There are play dates, nap time and dinner preparation to work around, but I have been going at least three times a week. If it's only for twenty minutes, then I make it the most worthwhile twenty minutes I can.

I've also found easy ways to add to my minutes every day. I pulled my stationary bike out to the play room and will cycle for five minutes here and there. I try to get in fifteen that way. It also helps that J's in yoga now (read my yoga post for more on that) and he enjoys "teaching" me new poses. E finds yoga very amusing too, and he'll either stand and cheer for us or do the moves himself. His favourite is downward dog, while J's favourite is cobra. For the record, my favourite is the bosai tree. If I do situps, I can split up my three sets so it's no time at all to get them in. I also put E in his stroller sometimes and go for short walks. I limit this though, because I don't want to foster laziness. He is capable of walking so I believe he should walk, but when I need the activity I will strap him in for a short stroll.

I lost eight pounds in the first two weeks of going to the gym, but none since then. It's okay though, because I know it will come off and I am getting smaller. I feel better too. I have much more energy during the day and my clothes fit better.

It's hard to fit in time to get healthy, but for all you parents out there who want to and can't seem to find the time, you just need some creativity. If you don't have a gym membership, run in place for five minutes at home or around your backyard. It will make your kids laugh and encourage them to be active with you. Or do jumping jacks or pushups. If you can find six times to do this every day, all of a sudden you've put in half an hour of exercise.

Family Vacation

We had our family vacation the first week of July this summer, which explains the long absence from my blog. I am sorry about that. Since we are a single-income family (which definitely qualifies us as frugal), we had an economy holiday. We spent the weekend at the trailer on my parents farm, which is just land really, because no one actually lives there. Correction, some very friendly cows live there. No relation to me though; the farmer rents the space.

The week was fun. The trailer is definitely better-equipped than most hotel rooms, with a fridge, freezer, stove and air conditioning (although the A/C wasn't working). There was a huge field for the kids to play in too, and sand pits and cows to socialize with. We spent most of the week at my mom's place though, because the kids needed some quality time with her. It was a great week to slow down and just enjoy each other.

We visited the town I grew up in for a day, and the kids played at the park. We also went out for lunch and to a café that has the best cupcakes known to man. I was able to shows my family al the spots that have been there since I was a kid, and tell them what was new. My husband and J also found a bait shop, which was reportedly very good. P suggested E and I remain in the car, because he was only going to be "a minute." At least I got to dance and make silly faces in the parking lot to amuse E for fifteen minutes (I probably also amused everyone driving by on the busy road).

We also got to take in small town fireworks for Canada Day. The fireworks weren't small though. The demonstration lasted over twenty minutes and was spectacular. E wasn't a fan, but at least he didn't cry. J thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, but that was soon to be replaced by another best thing.

Which brings me to Go Karting. I can't decide what my favourite part of the week was, but this was definitely a contender. I left E with my mom (he was napping anyway), and J and I went to the race track. Well, a version of a race track. J is still too short to go on his own, but it gave me a great excuse to get in a Go Kart after about 18 years. Wow, I'm old. Moving on, we bought the maximum time, which is fifteen minutes. It was ridiculously expensive, but sometimes that's okay. J said he was impressed with my driving skills, and I was too, to be honest. The last time I went Go Karting I drove into the forest. That's when they put the tire barrier all the way around the track, but I still didn't go back. There's something embarrassing about being so bad that the entire history of local Go Karting changed because of me...... I digress. I didn't crash this time and J was impressed that I stayed on the track. We sprung for ice cream after, and J's cone fell apart in the car. That was another fun memory.

E had fun too. He couldn't get enough of the beach at my mom's place. He enjoyed running around and playing, and he liked the ice cream too. Of course I got some for him as well. He liked the various parks we went to and learned how to jump in the lake with a life jacket on. It was more a matter of walking until the dock stopped and he fell in, but it was still fun.

Now that the vacation is over, it's time for summer to continue. I spent the day today calling various mothers of J's friends and arranging play dates and get togethers for the month of July. I filled the calendar with camp days and visits and park days and everything else I could think of. Only six and a half weeks left of summer. Not enough time!!!

And I don't even have teenagers yet...

Disclaimer 1: This is a rant. There are people who might feel offended by what I'm saying. I am not talking about all teenagers, just a general pattern I see.

Disclaimer 2: Although this is a PG blog containing no expletives, I do make reference to them in this post for the sake of authenticity. This is not how I speak
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Today was an enlightening day for me. I realized that no matter how much faith I have in people in general, to be nice or do the right thing or even respect basic social courtesies, there is always someone who is going to disappoint me. Wait a minute. I knew that. Here's what happened though to reinforce it.

My first encounter with rudeness was a girl getting off the school bus talking like a trucker. My children weren't the only children present. There were several kids under five standing there to hear her say, "That's f***ing b******* man. I f***ing hate that stupid, lazy c***." Yes, that's the C-word they can't say in movies. There was lots more, but I think that's sufficient as an example. I don't even like typing that much, but for some people to yell it in front of several children..... I was angry to say the least.

The next experience was on the city bus. I was with J and E and there was a female sitting in the section kept for disabled people. Someone with a wheelchair got on and she looked at him, deliberately took out her phone and began texting, all while not moving. He asked her to move and she was verbally put out by this audacious request.

In a nutshell though, because this is supposed to be a rant, not a novel, we also saw someone sitting with her legs across four seats while people were forced to stand on the bus, someone who knocked an old man over in his rush to get to the bus (while texting, of course), and someone who was so busy making out with her boyfriend at work that she wasn't paying attention to customers that were waiting for service. And then we heard some more colourful language while waiting for the bus again, observed someone else spitting on the bench and saw two people sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, forcing everyone to go around them.

This was all today, and the one thing they all had in common was each offender (I say this because I was personally offended by all of it) was between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. I was angry with all of these people at first, because even if my kids weren't present to see all of it, it's so rude and selfish to act this way that it has to be deliberate, right? But no, here comes the rant.

I realized that someone somewhere taught these inconsiderate teenagers how to be inconsiderate. Perhaps it was by example, or maybe it was from lack of attention or consequences,  but whatever the case, none of these kids (yes, they're still kids) thought they were doing anything wrong. I have to blame the parents. And here's why.

Parents are the main influence on a child until they move out of the house. Even after that we continue to be an example of how to conduct ourselves as adults. What is with this generation of young people who think it's okay to treat others like dirt and expect to be given everything else for free? Because I'll tell you, if any of those were my kids they would have a part-time job in customer service so they could spend their afternoons learning manners instead of insulting people with their behaviour.

There is a general sense of entitlement among this age group, and I know it was there when I was that age too. The difference is, I never got away with it. If my parents had have seen me doing any of the things that I saw today, I would have been grounded and doing home-enforced community service or volunteer work. It was unacceptable.

I'm not in any way saying that all teenagers are rude. But as a general rule, they are much ruder today than they used to be. I know there are phenomenal young adults who want to help people and are very polite, but where are they all when my own kids need an example of how to act? They are certainly not out in force.

So parents, if you have a teen and are paying attention to them, good job. If you are giving them their space because they are moody and sullen, don't leave them alone. That's the last thing they want. Remember, teenagers are typically compulsive liars, so if they say, "Stay out of my life," then you can rest assured you should be in their life, to the point that they can't act without you knowing. No, don't be a prison guard (at least not so they know) but please be aware of how they treat people in general. This is when they are forming their permanent personalities and it scares me to think that in ten years there will be a generation of young and educated professionals spitting on benches and tripping people and swearing into the ears of toddlers.

It more than scares me. It is unacceptable. Someone somewhere taught these kids that it's okay, and someone somewhere needs to un-teach them. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't care to see a high school girl sprawled out in a miniskirt at the back of the bus, deliberately ignoring everyone else who wants to sit down. Or someone else who is so busy with their cell phone that they tell someone in a wheel chair to stand up and walk to another seat.

To all the parents (and you know who you are) who are giving your teenagers the freedom to discover themselves and do what they want, pay more attention! It's disgraceful and a poor reflection on you. Your job as a parent will never be over, not when they have their own kids, not when they're married, not when they move out, and definitely not when they hit "tweendom" and tell you to leave them alone. Ignore them and keep teaching. Please. My kids need a better example.

Some more little nuggets of wisdom

Parenting manuals are handy for a very select few. That's not to say I haven't read a couple myself, but I have found them only marginally helpful. The best way to learn about motherhood is to dive right in. This is an extension of the well-known fact that only parents know: If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you will never have kids. Put simply, learn as you go.

Friends and family are full of advice about what works for them. Take it in context though. It works for them. If you're lucky, some variation of that same advice will work for you, and if you've won the parenting lottery, the exact advice will work the first time you try it. I've never won the lottery though, parenting or otherwise. Well, I have with my boys, but I'm talking about advice here.

Okay, in the spirit of getting on track here (forgive me for being long-winded, it's been a while since I could write with a functional computer), I am going to impart some wisdom that's a couple degrees removed from parenting. I won't tell anyone how to raise their children, but I can tell you some fail-safe techniques for other areas of your life that will make it easier. And that will help a little, I hope.

1: Never sweep more than once a day (except food messes). It's a waste of time. I promise.

2: Don't sort your laundry by colour (unless it's a brand new red shirt; that should be separate at least twice). I have never had pre-washed clothes stain my other clothes a different colour. Coffee, however...

3. Leave a couple days' worth of baked goods on the counter, and freeze the rest. Your hips and budget will thank you.

4.Clean with vinegar. It's just as effective, much safer and much cheaper. Dilute 1/4 vinegar to 3/4 water in a spray bottle. And it makes your house smell like a chip truck. Side note: it's not very useful for bath tubs. For those I recommend Green Works Natural Bathroom Cleaner. No scrubbing required, just wipe the grime off.

5. Have a good filing system and organizational method. I use bins and buckets and shelves. Do what works for you. Finding something is half the battle.

6. Designate a place for mail. Separate what needs to be filed from what needs your attention. Then it will never get lost in the recycling pile. If you  have space, use stand-up file trays. I made some huge, card stock envelopes to put on my wall. Then you can deal with it when you have a minute.

7. If it's lasagne night, make two (or three). They freeze wonderfully and it takes the same amount of time to double the recipe. Then you can have a homemade convenience meal next week, between homework and sports practise and cleaning and swimming and going to the park......

8. Never substitute apple sauce for butter in cookies. I may have written this in my recipes section, and if I did, I apologize. You can taste the difference and they may be a bit healthier but they are not good. Besides, what's an extra 1/4 cup of butter divided between 24 cookies anyway? If you need to make them healthier, reduce or eliminate raisins or chocolate chips. Substituting it in muffins is okay though.

9. Try to leave your children at home when you're grocery shopping, if at all possible. At least until they're nine or ten. Let them pick something to add to the list if it upsets them (it probably won't), and go on your own. Yes, it's much easier to do it yourself then to have children running around at a grocery store.

10. Have a list of friends you can call to babysit in a pinch. Also make a list of friends you can call to go out with or talk to on the phone when you've had a bad day. Just knowing that list is there will improve your mood some days. And when you have time to make a phone call, you won't waste time thinking of who to call.

I laugh so much in a day.....

First, let me apologize for the long delay between posts. My computer has been acting up, if computers can act up. Or else the internet is being argumentative, or something. Whatever the case, I couldn't get on to my blogs without the writing being miniscule and the site freezing every time I typed something. It seems like writing is a silly choice for someone who hates computers as much as me, but since my printing is incomprehensible and I can't help but write, I will put up with it. Please, don't hold my technological illiteracy against me though.

Okay, that was way off topic. What I really want to impart today is the importance of laughing. I am fortunate that I get to stay home with my children, but believe me, I still have some pretty stressful days. No one is immune to that. I remind myself almost every day though how lucky I am to have two wonderful children, and try to enjoy them as much as possible.

They make me laugh. J is quite the character, enjoying the spotlight. He will do almost anything for a joke, just to make other people happy. Of course he's at the age where his sense of humour is not quite developed to maturity, and often needs to be told when things aren't funny, but I only pull this one out in extreme circumstances. For instance, holding the shower hose out of the tub to flood the bathroom is not a joke. Yes, he's tried. Mostly though, I relax and let him have his fun if he's not a) hurting anyone, b) wrecking anything, or c) unfolding my laundry. I laugh at him all the time, even if I'm way too old for fart jokes, because it makes him feel funny and it's important to him.

E is similar. He also enjoys being the entertainment, and will look to someone else to see if it's a laughing matter. When it is, he throws his head back and lets out a huge belly laugh. Then of course he has to check to be sure we're still laughing with him. He plays jokes on me too, and his favourite lately is blowing a raspberry on my cheek when I ask for a kiss. He also enjoys tickle fights, although he asks for them first.

I love to laugh with my kids, because although life gets hard sometimes, we should never be too busy or too stressed out to be happy with our families. Sometimes it's over the silliest things, and sometimes what's funny to our kids isn't funny to us, but in sharing a laugh (even a fake one) we can teach our children that we want them to enjoy life too. Besides, even if it's a fake laugh it will still make you happy to make them happy.

My husband told me once that he wishes he found it so easy to laugh. Which made me think, maybe it's not common for people to laugh. This has since been verified by a lot of people watching (okay, it's just my nosy nature). I have found that most people aren't relaxed in general, at least when I observe them. I should specify that it's adults I'm referring to. Most kids that I see are ready and waiting for someone to make them laugh or share in the joke. Even if kids don't get the joke (or didn't hear the joke), have you ever noticed that one will start laughing just because everyone else is? The magic in this is that it's genuine happiness, even when they have no clue what is so funny.

So I have realized that I probably do laugh more than the average person, and I don't defend myself against it. There was a Facebook quote that said the average adult laughs four times a day. I laugh on average fifty times a day. I did a tally over a week, so you know. My advice to those grown ups who don't laugh so often, please try. If it's difficult, start with your kids. Do something fun together and laugh when they do. Copy their behaviour for once. Trust me, it'll be fun.

And finally, this is a public thank you to my own children. Thank you J and E, for making my days so interesting and fun. Thank you for laughing when things are funny, and even when they're not. Because I'll tell anyone who asks, when the eggs have broken all over the floor and a toddler decides to make pancakes with it using a broom as a spoon, and then topping it off with syrup (yes, it's still on the floor), all while Mommy is cleaning up the spilled spaghetti on the living room carpet, it's really all you can do to laugh. It's either that or cry, right?