Stressed out kids

I read an article the other day on kids experiencing stress. It explained that children have stress from many situations, like everyone else. But it doesn't translate into the same symptoms as an adult who has stress. For this reason, many parents don't attribute certain behaviours to anxiety.

I recognize anxiety in J, although it's hard to tell which behaviours are from stress versus which ones are simply because he's a five year-old boy. The article was very enlightening though, because it described many examples of behaviour that I was categorizing wrong.

To clarify, Jimmy is a very sensitive child. He feels an extreme sense of guilt if he has hurt anyone or made anyone feel bad. He strives for perfection in everything he does, although I constantly reinforce that he shouldn't be perfect. There are times when all parents are hard on their children in terms of what they expect, but Jimmy expects more of himself than we do and it's a lot of pressure for him.

I recognize what it is, but I didn't recognize the results of it. Signs of anxiety in children are easily mistaken for high energy and poor listening. For example, fidgeting, running around, lack of attention, forgetfulness, and non-stop talking are all signs of anxiety. They are also many of the signs for ADHD. It's confusing for parents, but imagine how children must feel if we can't define what's really wrong to help them with it.

I'm glad I know the distinction now, but what really gets me is they don't offer support for kids with anxiety until the child is seven. At least this is the case in our area. But much of the information focuses on older children as well. There are courses for children and parents of children who have stress, but not for Jimmy's age. I know anxiety isn't exclusive to older children, but no one else seems to know this. It's either put down to behavioural problems appropriate for the age, or in the worst-case scenario, ADHD.

So we had to come up with a solution. We lightened up a lot regarding the rules and expectations, which helped with the behavioural issues, like slamming doors and throwing toys. He still fidgets and has a hard time sitting still, but he's getting better. When it's clear something is bothering him, it helps to spend some one on one time with him, doing whatever he chooses. Deep breathing commonly helps many kids, but not J.

We are lucky we recognized the challenge for what it is, because we have found some appropriate ways to help J. I just want more doctors and child professionals to accept that younger children can have anxiety too. And I would like parents to know that there isn't anything wrong with their children or themselves because of it. There can be a lot of guilt associated with parenting, and often the solution comes from redefining the problem.

On a final note, I will outline some common reasons for kids to have stress. Obvious ones are separation of their parents, moving to a new home, or the death of a family member or pet. Less obvious ones are having a fight with a friend at school, not liking their teacher, a change in routine, or a struggle with school work. Even things that kids get really excited about, like a new sport or a birthday party, can cause anxiety. Any change, positive or negative, can be a cause. You know your child best, and can use whatever strategy helps them through it.